To think this is hell?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I have posted variously about my job, sorry. This is a bit of a vent and I am taking steps.

I worked Friday 17:00-03:00 (10hrs)
Yesterday 15;00-03:00 (12hrs)
Today 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
Tomorrow 08:00/;18;00 (10hrs)
Tuesdsy 09:00-17;00 (8hrs)
Weds 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
thirsday 09:00:18:00( 9hrs)

I’ve had about four hours sleep and I feel sick at the thought of my week. This is not unusual but I don’t often do both 3am finishes which has compounded it. I honestly feel like walking out right now but obvs can’t do that.

I think I’m just after a bit of sympathy, or maybe the wisdom of MN will tell me to suck it up? I’m in bed still, slightly shaky at the thought of getting up and in the shower. I also have a million things to do today, Sunday and Monday are stock and orders so not a gentle day. I earn £10.45 an hour in case anyone wonders.

Look, thus situation is going to end badly before long. You might as well cut your losses now

Part of OP’s income is covering the actual mortgage and bills. Do they stop paying those also?

Because if she quits and he loses his overtime, they will be down £57K and cannot cover their basics without moving house.

Part of OP’s income is covering the actual mortgage and bills. Do they stop paying those also?

Because if she quits and he loses his overtime, they will be down £57K and cannot cover their basics without moving house.

He’s not. But he wants me to change jobs. So do I. I am applying elsewhere. This was really just a vent. I wish I hadn’t posted tbh, I forgot how much Mn likes to pick people apart.

Ignore the goady fuckers who think AIBU is a blood sport. You and DH are taking a sensible approach to his overtime. Your wage is clearly important to your finances. Your problem here is an employer who are not sticking to the law (11 hours between shifts, and letting you take your breaks) and don’t consider staff welfare.

One thing to consider when you’re looking elsewhere is that if you are working through your hour long unpaid breaks you’re already only really getting minimum wage, less on some of your shorter shifts. You aren’t seeing that extra quid an hour in your pocket, you’re seeing an additional 5 hours a week on your schedule. I hope you find another position soon (and get some sleep tonight).

How much pay is that per month?

You need to go back to school and redo basic numeracy.

OP’s salary isn’t just covering dinners out and Netflix FFS.

It’s an integral part of them reliably being able to pay for their house, energy and food.

Op, you are ignoring the £30k overtime your husband is making currently in your costings, and putting it straight into overpaying your mortgage. Stop doing this all the time and put some into savings, so that you can use it if you need to stop working this job.

Meanwhile, as others have said, you need to do a spreadsheet to see where all your money is going. £117k is a massive wage (£87k, without the overtime, is still a huge wage too), far more than millions of households have coming in! Your DCs going to university need to manage without your help, like thousands of other students have to!

You would definitely be better leaving your current job and taking bar or waitressing work, with less responsibility! There is a massive lack of hospitality staff at the moment so it shouldn’t be too difficult to find another position. Your health is the most important thing, stop killing yourself to finance your lifestyle.

How much is your mortgage?

csn you do a breakdown of bills? I’m confused how your Morgage and bills are 4k a month?

Bin the contact lenses and get glasses- Personally that had saved me loads!
Bin sky and Netflix too. We have done all the above and cancelled all magazine subscriptions and non essentials. You’d be amazed how much that adds up to!

That's such an dismissive and ignorant thing to say to someone in these circumstances. This has nothing whatsoever to do with martyrdom, and just the term being sent in her direction suggests she has something to do with this. Her company has a duty of care, and they are ignoring that duty over profit.

Having spent my 20s and early 30s been in hospitality management she is very clearly burnt out. I've seen it happen dozens of times, and when you get there, you get there with ZERO ability to find a way out of it alone! If your personal and financial circumstances don't leave you feeling powerless, mental health symptoms will.

OP - please try and understand that your colleagues have choices also. I know you know this, but I will remind you that ultimately, the responsibility for making sure shifts are covered lies with the person doing to rota. If your colleague can't stay on, she has a right not to and a choice, and if she doesn't, then above her will have to, until eventually the person responsible for doing the rota is covering that shift and being made to face what happens when you treat people like machines. I'm saying this because you need to ring in sick, as soon as you can, and sign off for at least two weeks. You have a responsibility to your family to do this. Your not going to be helping them with anything in hospital, or in crisis with your mental health.

Use the first week to recover, and the second week at your laptop to crunch numbers, reduce costs and plan what you want to do moving forward. And decide wether you can face going back. I have been exactly where you are now, and having successfully changed career, please please message me for a chat if it would help :)

Oh and...WTD is averaged out over a 17 week period. Its a common misconception that employers are breaking the law not allowing 11 hours between shifts or helping you rack up 71 hour weeks! Finishing at 2am to be back in at 9am for delivery was my norm most weekends for a long time! Along with going 10 days without a day off, only to sleep the entirety of anything i had.

Now in a Monday to Friday, 9 till 5 position in the public sector...I now suffer with crippling performance related anxiety, due to not feeling pain and exhaustion at the end of every day, and not spending my time off having anxiety attacks about mistakes I've made because I wasn't able to think straight.

I really hope you find the strength to make that call and soon.

I swear to god people are reading a different thread to what I'm writing. I've never said I have money problems and I'm not looking for ways to afford giving up work entirely, because I'd go properly bonkers at home.

I just needed to rant and get a bit of perspective. I'm actively looking for other jobs.

Bill are £3,900 a month including all the Netflix, Sky, Dinners out etc, ready meals as she’s knackered so gets easy food etc. OP’s partner is on £60k. It’ll be tight but doable plus she’s in an industry that is screaming for staff so she’ll get another job pretty easily.

Plus there is still the overtime (despite the claims it could end tomorrow this is unlikely and can therefore be saved up), plus they’ve overpaid their mortgage so if absolutely necessary can very likely get a two/three month payment holiday.

Thank you!

Everything you've said there is spot on.

I'm going to get through the rest of today and consider calling in sick the rest of the week to get a bit of headspace.

hospitality by any chance ?

Just seen itvis indeed hospitality.....not surprised at all. Are you with a Union ?

I work in hospitality for NHS it's a joke.

It’s not to allow you to give up work entirely. It’s to allow you to leave this particular job now, before it becomes any more dangerous to you than it already is, rather than waiting any longer and making yourself even more ill.

Even a modest tweaking of outgoings would likely make that doable. But you did say you were only venting so I accept you didn’t actually want/need advice. Hopefully you’ll find something else quickly!

And yes, definitely take the time off. I’d say two weeks rather than just the one, if at all possible.

Get your life back find another job it's not worth it. Bosses don't care as long as shifts are covered.

OP, I’ve suffered burnout too and I think that one symptom of it is feeling absolutely trapped and not able to see the wood for the trees. I got into a horrible cycle of too much work, feeling horribly stressed, far too tired, more work… and the more tired and stressed I got the less there seemed to be any way out.

It’s not about being a martyr at all (I remember it really stung when people accused me of this), it’s simply that you’re in a state where you can’t see what to do other than to work harder and harder, and you are actually being exploited and taken advantage of by others, it’s not your choice to do such horrendous hours and nobody with the power to do so is helping you make them more manegeable. It’s not your fault.

If you’re like I was you won’t be in any state to work out how to improve things at present. Im so glad you’re thinking of having some time off sick. I think the priority has to be resting and getting into a better place so you can come up with a plan. Take care of yourself, you matter.

So no money financial problems at the moment but absolutely no wriggle room whatever?

Is that situation based on your dh bringing in £90k or £60k?

I honestly do not understand why you are over paying on the mortgage? If you stopped over paying, stopped the Netflix, the contact lenses, £400 a month 'fun money' etc would it come close to saving you the £1700 you currently earn?

If it does then temporarily stop doing all the above. Leave your job. Take a few weeks to rest and recover. Then go and get another, easier, job that might well also be minimum wage but won't destroy your health. This can be fixed.

Im sorry to hear about your breakdown. You really aren’t trapped. You are a hard worker and you’ve obviously got a lot in you to pick yourself up and retrain. You have skills, a supportive family, a strong work ethic. You just need some rest and space to regroup. To regain work life balance. Good luck 🍀💐

This is 100% the right thing to do.

Look after yourself

I've never said I have money problems

Yes you have said exactly that, and otherwise why would you put up with this shit?

I managed on £6,500k year last year. It wasn't great and I don't have children but how can £90k not be enough? Do you have a swimming pool? Private golf course?

I'm really losing sympathy for your martyrdom here.

Quit. Take some time off rest. Retrain for something else you're better suited to.