To think this is hell?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I have posted variously about my job, sorry. This is a bit of a vent and I am taking steps.

I worked Friday 17:00-03:00 (10hrs)
Yesterday 15;00-03:00 (12hrs)
Today 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
Tomorrow 08:00/;18;00 (10hrs)
Tuesdsy 09:00-17;00 (8hrs)
Weds 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
thirsday 09:00:18:00( 9hrs)

I’ve had about four hours sleep and I feel sick at the thought of my week. This is not unusual but I don’t often do both 3am finishes which has compounded it. I honestly feel like walking out right now but obvs can’t do that.

I think I’m just after a bit of sympathy, or maybe the wisdom of MN will tell me to suck it up? I’m in bed still, slightly shaky at the thought of getting up and in the shower. I also have a million things to do today, Sunday and Monday are stock and orders so not a gentle day. I earn £10.45 an hour in case anyone wonders.

OP, you say that you have bipolar. Have you applied for PIP? I also have bipolar and get it at the enhanced rate. It’s not based on income, but on how your disability affects you. I also work full-time. Give it a go, you have nothing to lose.

Sounds awful. I have worked long hours before and know that awful feeling of dread.
wish you lots of luck with your job search.

Ok @TimeAtTheBar I apologise for mis reading one thing - that his overtime paid for overpaying the mortgage.

You have got yourself into a state because you hate your job. It's an almost- minimum wage job and you work shifts.

So the answer is to change that.

But even if you do that, do you accept that you could have a much better work-life balance by working fewer hours (or for a higher income) if you made changes to your outgoings?

Some of your outgoings are not essential - like pets (I know you will disagree there), pet insurance, loans when you could have saved for things rather than over paying the mortgage, lots of TV stuff, and your kids! They are over 18 so why the 'handouts'? Unless it's for special things, they should be paying for their way as far as their entertainment goes.

Basically, you need to find work that gives you a sensible working week with no night shifts. If that means only earning £20K, so be it, and cut back accordingly. Overpaying a mortgage is a luxury- why knacker yourself for something not essential?

People aren’t picking you apart. It may feel that way because you’re in hell and at breaking point.

People are trying to get you to see that you’re not as trapped as you think you are.

If you stepped out of this situation your system would no longer be running at peak stress levels. You’d be out of the danger zone for your health and you could come up with a workable solution much more easily. You’d likely also find a job more easily - You can’t do clear thinking, nor put your best foot forward in interviews/etc when you’re at breaking point.

OP you are being a martyr and you need to stop. I've been into my local city today and there are so many businesses with "staff vacancies" signs up. Is there a care home you can walk to/get a bus to? I'm sure working normal hours in a care home would pay as much. You also need to downsize. If having a lovely home, dogs etc leaves you feeling suicidal then there is something seriously wrong.

Almost every single shop, cafe, bar and care home in my town has a notice in the window for staff.

As someone else said, you might be £200 a month worse off on minimum earnings, so you could easily absorb that by not overpaying your mortgage.

Did you challenge in writing why you were getting a warning for taking a 20 minute break when you're entitled to 1hr as it's unpaid?

I know we all have our moans about jobs and most jobs always expect a little bit more than you're actually employed to do - but I've never known one to have the bollocks to give someone a warning when they are breaking employment law.

Do you have an HR department?

You said he was begging you

Why don't you get to an employment agency and ask for something clerical that will be more steady and less physically demanding with opportunities for progression?

My first clerical role as after five years in care. I pushed transferable skills in report writing, time management, working under pressure, customer service etc.

You can then do evening or weekend work as well without being on your feet for 11 hours a day.

@TimeAtTheBar You have all my sympathies...... threads can take on a life of their own, and before you know it, you are deflecting a barrage of misunderstandings, and explaining yourself over and over again, whilst also being accused of not taking advice when you have literally had no chance to! It can be absolutely horrid, and has happened to me more than once.

You are only a little bit trapped financially, and it is great that the o/t has facilitated mortgage overpayments. Ergo, if the o/t stopped, the "worst" that would happen in that sense, is the overpayments would stop. You could still manage, and your you could make some other financial tweaks to enable you to feel less panic-stricken. The one thing that you are NOT tied to is the m/gage overpayments - and if you don't have much (if any) debt, then you can try to focus your energies - or what's left - on changing your employment situation, without immense and immediate pressure.
The skills you use in this job could surely be transferred to another role with better hours, in the same industry, one aligned, or maybe something totally different!

You do need to - above all else - protect your physical, mental, and emotional health - and consider your family life, as I am sure you know. So that should probably be your priority.

If I were you, I would let the thread run down now, as you know that all you will end up doing is repeating yourself, defending yourself and your point of view, and feel stressed by it all. Big hugs. 💝

Getting rid of pets isn’t going to happen (quite rightly) and downsizing isn’t a realistic option right now. It would make much more sense to cut all discretionary and unnecessary spending for the time being, starting with the overpayments and moving on to fun money, eating out and subscriptions, and including handouts for adult children (as much as that will be difficult to do, I know), take a lower paying job and go from there.

You're not trapped. You feel trapped because you don’t like either option available to you.

It’s tough.

This 100%.
Even if it meant downsizing, your health is more important than a job like that. The minute I'd been called in for taking my break would have given me the perfect opportunity to tell them to get stuffed, and to stick their job. I'm sure you can survive on £90k until you find something else more suitable.

The hours sound terrible and I think it’s very stressful when you work such long hours but never feel like you can do a good job.

Keep looking, but think about making some positive changes to help you cope better.

Look into deep breathing/meditation. You can do this on the bus there.

Think about taking a break from drinking. It’s a time waste, actually increases stress and sleep problems, and cannot be making your life easier. I’m doing this myself right now and wow- what a change.

Someone on another thread mentioned The Morning Miracle. I started reading it/putting into practice a week ago and already experiencing positive changes.

Lastly, considering working with your other local management and staff to lobby head office for a new computer and some minor changes to improve your situation. They are heading for disaster and there is often strength in numbers. Check out AskAManager.com for ideas about how to approach this.

I agree with you @NiqueNique I wasn't seriously suggesting she got rid of pets.

It was more that as a couple they have a lot of expensive outgoings which some people would think twice about if they relied on earnings staying at the current levels.

All kinds of things can happen where income changes not by choice, so it's not wise to create a lifestyle where you are trapped in a job - or have NO job- and no wriggle room.

The OP isn't scraping the barrel by any means as they are overpaying their mortgage and allowing themselves £200 a month spending money.

These are the stuff of dreams for many families who are really struggling.

If their outgoing were stripped right back to only essentials- so out go sky, netflix, meals out twice a month, handouts to the adult kids - she could manage on a lot less income.

And likewise, maybe save for home improvements rather than having the burden of a loan. Makes no sense to overpay a mortgage while paying off a loan for wardrobes.

Oh and do any of the older children drive? Can anyone occasionally drive you to work to make the day a bit better/shorter?

This is such a kind and compassionate post. TimeAtTheBar, please listen to LoveMyPiano if you listen to noone else.

I don't think people are picking you apart, they're trying to help you.

If you're genuinely at the stage of feeling suicidal before work, you need to go and get yourself signed off before you have a breakdown and can't work for months if not years.

@JinglingHellsBells i knew you weren’t being serious 😊 was just a preemptive reply on OP’s behalf, and I understood what you were saying and agree with you completely.

No Sky/Netflix/meals out/money for fripperies etc sounds like a joyless existence but compared to the hell OP is experiencing right now it really isn’t. However it’s hard when you’re on that treadmill to imagine that you don’t actually have to have those, because you’re so used to relying on them to desperately find some little, tiny sense of having something nice for the shit you put yourself through to earn them.

I'm assuming you work for stonegate op?!

If you can find bar work, I would do that. Its not just the length of your shifts, it's the insane shift pattern. At least bar work is much more consistent (if somewhat antisocial) hours. And I used to get pretty good tips (but I'm talking about the proper Olden Days 20 years ago, when contactless payment wasn't a thing)

It's ridiculous. Your management needs another person in your role so you can split the shifts between you.

I think you might have got a few 'chippy' responses here OP, as this is really a situation you can get out of by simply not overpaying your mortgage.

All the little luxuries can and should stay, what's the point in working if you can't enjoy what your wages pay for?

At the moment you can't see the wood for the trees; everything you are gaining financially by working for this terrible company and working all these hours is cancelled out by the affect on your health.

If OP quits her job and loses her £27K salary, what happens when DH’s overtime goes away and they lose the extra 30K income that is covering the extra and the mortgage overpayment?

They don’t make the completely discretionary mortgage overpayments and cut back on dinners out, sky and Netflix.

Phone in sick.I don't think employers can afford to be sacking anyone in hospitality atm