To resent always having to travel to friends

[Stealmysunshine503]

I don't drive, so it involves taking a bus and train, usually costing £13 for a round trip. It's around an hour each way, sometimes 50 minutes depending on where.
I've lived with my partner for 1.5 years and no friends have ever seen the flat. Obviously COVID made things difficult prior to that but even in the years before, or when we were at Uni, nobody ever came despite invitations.
I did actually tell them how I was feeling several months ago and suggested a halfway meeting point as a compromise, which one said she was happy to do but this has never come to fruition.
2 of them have babies now so I understand it is complicated, however they have taken the babies abroad/on UK holidays so why not 30 minutes down the road?
I did try to arrange a BBQ at ours last year but then the weather was poor and plans never happened.
I travelled there today to see them, hence paying the £13, and there's talk of meeting again some time next week, but I'm not prepared to pay yet another £13. Is this unreasonable?
Also, I have a friend who frequently comes back to the area to visit her parents and never in several years did she used to suggest us catching up. However now one of our mutual friends has had a baby so she messages saying hey shall we go and see Rachel and her baby tomorrow? Whereas before she'd never have been interested in meeting just alone.
I feel like if I don't travel to them though I'll lose the friendships. AIBU? I am trying to make closer friends here too.
Btw they all drive, and it would be no more than 30 mins, or 10-15 to the halfway point I suggested

So sorry op but it does sound a little like they aren’t that invested in the relationship with you. I agree that if you often travel to see them it’s reasonable to expect that they travel to see you once in a while (30 mins is really nothing of a journey at all).

the lack of reply from anyone does kind of smack of a group bitchiness if the group usually replies fairly quickly to messages.

Fingers crossed I’m wrong and they’ll all message you saying they’re happy to meet up at yours. If not though I think setting an aim to focus on the relationships you have that are positive and on new relationships would’ve good.

Still no reply from anyone ..the message is clear! I'm looking forward to meeting more like minded people in the future who value me

I am sorry they're not the close friends you thought they were OP, that is a shame.

But with more clarification from you it sounds similar to me when I went moved away from home. I also lived in a big city, and most of my friends lived closer to their families. I accepted that this meant they would come to see me less - it's harder into travel into a city than out of it, it's busier and more crowded, it's more expensive, there's little to no parking, it's more dangerous at night; added to that I had a tiny flat so I couldn't host very comfortably at mine, nor have loads of people staying over.

One or two very close friends would occasionally come, although they would stay over with me rather than try to travel in and out again; but my less close hang out group of friends didn't - and I could understand that, it was a lot more hassle for them to get to me. So I made new friends where I was, and I'd see my old friends when I went to visit, which was maybe once or twice a year.

Maybe that's the route to travel now, branch out where you are, and keep this group as a hook up one when you go to visit the area, rather than your main group you go to see.

Dont worry about people on MN making excuses, whatevr the reason is - however nonmalicious - the friendship has run its course.

Running club sounds great. If you are near a city you may have less difficulty than you think making friends. Have you tried MeetUp? I have hd a good experience of it.

Good luck :)

Honestly I'm not sure you read the room correctly.

People suggest going to visit a friend with a newborn - obviously the meeting will be at her house.

You then message and say you want people to come to your place and give dates. It doesn't fit, you'd have been better discussing it in person whilst visiting the new mum and her baby.

Are these friends from school?

It is very sad when friendships drift or end, I think it’s as hard as a romantic relationship in occasional cases.

I read on here that some friends are for a reason or a season. Even really long friendships can end after many years. I had one end after a decade last year, her decision ultimately but in a way I was relieved due to the situation overall with regards to her life, the complaining was endless and then doing nothing about it ever, it was deeply frustrating.

People change and I include myself. My friend and I used to go out drinking cocktails and dancing the night away. Did that for a decade, then we moved to dinner out and a couple of drinks over the next decade, now we are walking through country parks and having lunch out as we enter a third decade of friendship. Sometimes the way people evolve just doesn’t match up.

People are mentioning the distance a lot. Op said it about 15-30 minute drive from her friends to her, not hours. Really doesn’t feel so far it should inhibit meet ups at hers once in a blue moon. Although I get the friend with the new baby might not want to travel that distance for a little while.

Apparently they have already taken their babies on foreign or UK holidays so surely at this point they'd take them down the road. I don't think they're still newborns

Can’t believe they haven’t responded op. Definitely try and forget about them

Did any of them respond ?