Trusting my partner with safety

[Cat78Cat]

I am on holiday with my partner and our 2 children age 2 and 5 and we’ve just had a huge row. He thinks I am overly cautious with our children's safety and I have told him that I can’t relax and leave them in his care. Three examples in the last couple of days are

1. he needed to go to the loo, so he left both our children in the swimming pool for 30 secs. The 2 year old had a swim float on, the 5 year old didn’t have anything but is learning to swim (she can’t yet)

2. we took a public ferry to an island and I was sitting down with one daughter while he was with the 2 year old on another part of the boat. Again.. he went to the loo (he doesn’t have a problem, just to clarify). He apparently told our 2 year old to go back and find mummy, and then he went to the loo and left her. Our daughter is perfectly bright… but disobedient and of course she didn’t. I found her running around another section of the ship

3. he took them swimming and when he was finishing getting them dressed they ran out of the changing room. Instead of chasing them, he finished getting ready and generally faffing. Our children when out of the swimming pool together, past the reception area, where the staff let them exit the whole area. They then found their way back to our hotel room where they knocked on the door and I was there.10 minutes later my husband showed up, wondering what had happened to them

I have just told him it is impossible for me to relax on this holiday as I can’t trust him to look after the children if I am not there. He thinks I’m neurotic

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but interested in the views of others and if possible some tips for how to communicate better so I don’t lose my temper in front of the children

YANBU!!! hell no, just reading this gave me horrible anxiety!!!!

I think the heat has sent some men absolutely stark raving BONKERS.

Earlier this evening, my closest friend told me she was ill in bed and her DH was with their 3YO twins in the garden. The twins were playing in their (large and pretty deep) paddling pool. She heard banging and found him with hammer and drill in the loft. He couldn't see that leaving two very young children in water on their own was EXCEPTIONALLY dangerous and denies any wrongdoing.

Not long after this, my own DP needed to bring me to hospital (38 weeks pregnant and had worrying symptoms). He suggested we left our 2 year old daughter asleep in her cot whilst he made the 20 minute journey to the hospital to drop me off and he'd hp straight home. I was HORRIFIED he even considered it, emergency or no emergency! I asked what he expected her to do if there was a fire, or if she woke up crying and nobody was here. My heart broke at the mere thought of it and I was inconsolable.

Both men are usually very diligent, competent, caring dads and would never compromise their children's safety - so what the fuck is going on?

OP your husband needs an absolute grilling. There are 1001 horrible things which can happen to unattended young children and the consequences are too much to even think about. All our DHs or DPs need their cages rattling big time. This cannot happen again, ever.

He's negligent. As in he literally meets the threshold of negligent. I wouldn't trust him to be in sole charge for any length of time. Not worth the risk.

Wtaf??

Your husband is the definition of a moron. Do not leave your children alone with him, tragedy waiting to happen. I don't even think there's any point arguing with him as the logic is just not there in the first place to reason with.

Obviously don't show him the thread, that is always terrible advice.

Why are people typing husband? He's just a boyfriend. OP has fucked off, anyway.

Criminally negligent.

Does your husband have a fucking brain cell, leaving children of any age unsupervised in a pool is so stupid.

You should show him this thread.

He is gaslighting you. I’m guessing this is the icing on the cake and there is a lot more to tell. I’m not sure where you go from here as obviously you don’t want to leave him with access if you split.

Currently on holiday and I make my 9 year old leave the pool with me. I was talking with a lifeguard and he said so many parents leave their little ones/ none swimmers in the pool and expect them to watch!

YANBU

Those situations made me anxious just reading them!

He's an utter liability & a danger to your children, no wonder you can't relax on holiday

Wow! I'm gobsmacked that you even have to ask, OP. He quite literally risked the lives of your children on more than one occasion. If anybody, my DP included, ever had been responsible for one of those incidents I would not be able to contain my anger. Never mind three!

Are you waiting for a tragedy to take place before you take action?

And fyi, downplaying it and saying he left them for 30seconds to go to the toilet doesn't help anybody. It does not take 30 seconds to go to the toilet. And leaving two little kids in water unattended while he went to the toilet- just absolutely unbelievable.

You’ve got 3 children not 2, he has no judgement and doesn’t prioritise your DCs above his own needs - if he won’t see it your relationship is doomed but you can’t leave him as god knows what he’d do if they spent half their lives with him - sorry OP

Absolutely not being unreasonable. He's actually neglecting your childrens safety. My OH can bs stupid but not that stupid. This is how kids dies in tragic preventable accidents

That's neglect. I wouldn't trust him ever again.

I would be scared to leave him alone with the children after this, I'd also be questioning my relationship - I don't think I'd be able to look at him the same after putting our children in danger so recklessly

Where's op?