Trusting my partner with safety

[Cat78Cat]

I am on holiday with my partner and our 2 children age 2 and 5 and we’ve just had a huge row. He thinks I am overly cautious with our children's safety and I have told him that I can’t relax and leave them in his care. Three examples in the last couple of days are

1. he needed to go to the loo, so he left both our children in the swimming pool for 30 secs. The 2 year old had a swim float on, the 5 year old didn’t have anything but is learning to swim (she can’t yet)

2. we took a public ferry to an island and I was sitting down with one daughter while he was with the 2 year old on another part of the boat. Again.. he went to the loo (he doesn’t have a problem, just to clarify). He apparently told our 2 year old to go back and find mummy, and then he went to the loo and left her. Our daughter is perfectly bright… but disobedient and of course she didn’t. I found her running around another section of the ship

3. he took them swimming and when he was finishing getting them dressed they ran out of the changing room. Instead of chasing them, he finished getting ready and generally faffing. Our children when out of the swimming pool together, past the reception area, where the staff let them exit the whole area. They then found their way back to our hotel room where they knocked on the door and I was there.10 minutes later my husband showed up, wondering what had happened to them

I have just told him it is impossible for me to relax on this holiday as I can’t trust him to look after the children if I am not there. He thinks I’m neurotic

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but interested in the views of others and if possible some tips for how to communicate better so I don’t lose my temper in front of the children

I read your OP earlier and it made me feel quite sick at just how easily you could have lost at least one child in any of these circumstances. It's genuinely quite concerning that your H has you questioning whether you're being neurotic to expect under 2 children 5 to be supervised (& in hands reach in my opinion) in a swimming pool.

Honestly I wouldn't be staying in this relationship and would be looking into safeguarding for contact.

JESUS CHRIST

I'm genuinely quite relaxed for my generation on physical safety. I wouldn't even have considered doing any of these. I wouldn't be able to trust him again. I'd effectively operate as a single parent.

And men wonder why their wives lose interest in fucking them. Jesus.

These are all really extreme examples. Incredibly dangerous. Any one of them could easily have resulted in death.

I don’t think you can leave him alone with them at all, at least until they’re much older.

Does he know the difference between looking after children and just going for a swim / boat trip with a couple of mates? That he actually has to look after the kids?

He is a shit dad

Does he know each of those incidences are parental neglect of a young child (child neglect) ?
High risk dangerous incidences

No wonder you can't relax on holiday- He is frighteningly unsafe to be in charge of te young children

Makes me wonder what else he does when he's on his own with his children?

Agree with others that his "care" is actually neglect. The fact that he then has the nerve to think you're neurotic is frankly worrying.

I disagree that men don't get it, my dad was far more safety conscious than my mum who wasn't exactly lax herself.

He is lucky they are both still alive. There something pathologically wrong with a person who behaves like that towards their children.

I am the first person to think that parents are over anxious these days ….but I would not trust your partners judgement on child safety ever !! Do not leave the kids alone with him…he really is not capable of keeping them safe !

Goodness gracious you poor woman. This is terrible. He is being very unreasonable.

Agreed!

Show him the replies on this thread

That's insane, you don't leave children of that age alone for a moment, particularly in a pool. YANBU, your man is a tool

The more I think about it the more serious I think it is. Other posters have mentioned these are the incidents of neglect that you know of, what about other times when you're not around. You definitely can't leave him alone with the kids.

Yikes. He clearly doesn't care about their safety, and has neglected them to the point of danger multiple times. I couldn't be with a man like that, and I'd want supervised visitation. Like hell he'd be alone with them while acting like that.

Scares me even reading it- especially around water. I wouldn't leave my dc with someone like that.

I’m a free range parent and read your first item on the list and my jaw dropped. What a dangerous fool he is.

Fucking hell. This is neglect. Your cannot trust this man to look after your kids. Leave a 2 year old by the pool while he went to toilet?Prick. It’s like he wants something terrible to happen.

I had this same issue with my childrens dad, a huge reason I stayed with him as long as I did, to protect my children more from his recklessness. He too constantly told me I was neurotic. It’s just me and my children now and I can relax as they’re safe. You’re not being neurotic, you’re being a respond parent and he’s being a lazy idiot.

He's not fit to procreate. What an absolute horror

I've had three kids very relaxed. This isn't relaxed parenting it's dangerous. I wouldn't leave him alone with them either!

You aren't neurotic
And you are totally right not to trust him they are so precious and life is so fragile

This is very odd...is he...ok in the head?

Do you think he's getting a weird rise out of it? Is there something sinister going on here???

My ex was the same. Just a selfish man child. They never change or listen.

I think you might be the only post I have read where I decided you were not being unreasonable after point number 1!

Your husband's lack of care is absolutely ridiculous and neglectful.