Trusting my partner with safety

[Cat78Cat]

I am on holiday with my partner and our 2 children age 2 and 5 and we’ve just had a huge row. He thinks I am overly cautious with our children's safety and I have told him that I can’t relax and leave them in his care. Three examples in the last couple of days are

1. he needed to go to the loo, so he left both our children in the swimming pool for 30 secs. The 2 year old had a swim float on, the 5 year old didn’t have anything but is learning to swim (she can’t yet)

2. we took a public ferry to an island and I was sitting down with one daughter while he was with the 2 year old on another part of the boat. Again.. he went to the loo (he doesn’t have a problem, just to clarify). He apparently told our 2 year old to go back and find mummy, and then he went to the loo and left her. Our daughter is perfectly bright… but disobedient and of course she didn’t. I found her running around another section of the ship

3. he took them swimming and when he was finishing getting them dressed they ran out of the changing room. Instead of chasing them, he finished getting ready and generally faffing. Our children when out of the swimming pool together, past the reception area, where the staff let them exit the whole area. They then found their way back to our hotel room where they knocked on the door and I was there.10 minutes later my husband showed up, wondering what had happened to them

I have just told him it is impossible for me to relax on this holiday as I can’t trust him to look after the children if I am not there. He thinks I’m neurotic

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but interested in the views of others and if possible some tips for how to communicate better so I don’t lose my temper in front of the children

I would honestly leave him and never let him have unsupervised access! That first example is so bloody dangerous and your children could of easily drowned and so could they on the 2nd example had they chosen to climb the railings.

You can never be to careful around water, Jesus I still head count my kids now when there swimming and the oldest 3 are 15,17 and 19

Honestly he is a accident waiting to happen, please don't ever leave your children with him

Appalling excuse of a man to put his children in danger he sounds lazy and entitled. As a parent you put your own needs below your child not the other way around

I agree with this

He's a fucking moron

I would suggest you just say two words to him - "Madeline McCann".

You should show him the statistics of children drowning on holiday, they are online. It's common age 2 onwards.

He sounds stupid but also, peeing does not take 30 seconds unless you are already standing there with your junk out. It takes at least 30 seconds to a minute to get to the toilet, another 30 seconds to pull your underwear to wherever, another 30 seconds to pee and another 30 secconds to do up the underwear area and leave. Then another 30 seconds or more to get back to wherever your going back too. Thats at least 2 minutes, and thats rushing and running. Lets face it, it probably took him 3-4 minutes minimum. Enough time for a kid to drown seeing as kids can drown within a minute.

in fact its so bad that if i saw all of that in UK i would be phoning Social services and asking them to have a serious talk to him about welfare and safety

Your partner sounds like the awful man I used to see on the nursery run. Always let his young child walk completely out of his view, right off into the distance and around corners. Never bothered to speed up, call after him or anything. So dangerous and I always felt sick at the thought of him being hit by a car. Once I found the child alone in the school car park. My preschooler was so shocked that he ran right over to tell the man and he didn't even care! Some people are just unbelievable.

You can't stop them having unsupervised access if they apply to court.

Jesus Christ. Keep him away from your kids.

I hope you’ve shown him these replies op, he sounds incredibly dense. How frightening for you.

The fact that you are questionning this I think speaks volumes about your relationship with him

Because I cant imagine many others doing what he did and then calling someone neurotic

At my church there is a memorial to a 3 year old who used to attend the playgroup. The family were on holiday at a villa abroad and had a BBQ by the pool. The parent went back to the kitchen to pick up something forgotten like a bottle of ketchup. In the time it took them to go to the kitchen and back, the child had fallen in the pool and drowned.

This man is dangerously negligent of his children's safety. I'm not surprised you can't relax, I wouldn't leave those children unsupervised in his care for a minute.

Three serious incidents of negligence in a matter of days is really concerning, doubly so because he doesn't see a problem with his actions.
A one off lapse of judgement where he scared himself stupid with thoughts of the potential consequences is a different matter.

You cannot leave them alone with him.
It's not fair, but it's the way it has to be.
I'd not be surprised if he's deliberately doing this to get out of looking after the children.

This has given me proper anxiety. I have a 6yr old and a 2yr old and if my husband did any of those things I’d be apoplectic. Has he got a history of doing similar, or is it just on this holiday/recently?

@EducatingArti that's heartbreaking.

gotelltheoldmandowntheroad you can if you can prove they are neglecting the child or are a risk.... which this man clearly is

He's a complete fucking moron and I'd be furious with him. How on earth can he think that's ok?

You are lucky your children are both still alive, he needs to get his shit together this is completely unacceptable. I hope you show him this thread so he can see what an idiot he has been.

Jesus. I'm a pretty relaxed parent (DD used to walk to and from school alone aged 9) but is your husband insane? Leaving a 2 year old in a swimming pool and letting them wander around a boat alone? Would he listen if he got bollocked by a third party like a lifeguard or something? I can't believe anyone would think that he's acting reasonably.

This is fucking horrifying. I wouldn't leave this person with my children, not a fucking chance.

My exh did similarly dangerous things (left a plugged in chainsaw next to a three year old, wanted to cycle on a busy road with a 6 year old who had done no road cycling training)

Our marriage wouldn't have lasted anyway but it made me lose respect for him to the point of hating him. It was also incredibly stressful.

Op I really think it's worth showing your DP this thread. He needs to see what normal people think about stuff like this.

My dh is a paramedic and he has seen dead / seriously injured children. If that doesn't hit the message home to your DP then I don't know what will.

If I were you then after incident 1 the next 2 would never have happened because I wouldn't have left them with just him again. I'd have just gone mental the first time. Please don't leave them with him unsupervised again.