Hitler argument

[Birchtree1]

Just had a massive argument with my husband.
He thinks our son is a leader....( I think he has adhd) he has been pointing it out for a while. He has just mentioned it again and said he is a leader and Hitler was a leader too. Now. ...I lost my shit Hitler killed millions of people and was an ego maniac amd narcissistic asshole. ( in my opinion) apparently I am not normal with this opinion and he doesn't want to talk to me and whatever happened he was still a leader!? I just spoke to my children re our German heritage and the Jews and gypsies and lots of other minorities which I didn't want to do just yet as they are 5 and 8 years old. My husband is refusing to talk to me as I really lost my shit.
He could have mentioned Churchill or whoever ...but mentioning Hitler as an example of leadership? Apparently it is being taught at schools in this county!?!!?

Why does your husband think DS is a leader, what traits is he showing? From what you've said, it does appear that he's used Hitler as an example to wind you up.

There are some strange people on Mumsnet. Of course that is a deeply inappropriate and upsetting comparison, and unless he's an idiot he should know the impact saying that would have on you! He is deliberately trying to upset you in my opinion.

I went to an international school and we were taught WW2/ fascism is Europe and fallout of WW1 alongside German pupils who were horrified by the openness and explicitness of the content, it really opened my eyes to how profoundly upset many Germans are, to this day, about this part of history, even young teenagers who have nothing to be ashamed of!

Hitler rose to the top in a context of mass hysteria, extreme political polarisation and dysfunction in Germany's political system. He was good at spinning paranoid blame-shifting narratives that resonated in that moment and served as the vessel of morbid fantasies of blood-soaked military greatness for his admirers.

He was shit at military strategy, policy and administration. It was the crisis that made him, not his 'leadership talents'. Your partner is talking out of his arse, mildly put. I'd be well pissed off.

This! I read on another Thread that some people think colonialism should not be taught in schools because it is too harsh for the Kids. I think we absolutetly have to teach these matters (in an age approbriate way) because those cruelties must never happen again. And I understand if people say that they do not want to be lectured by Germans but this isn‘t my Intention- I just still feel the fallout from the generations before me and don‘t want history repeating itself.

My gut feeling is: he wanted to give you an example of a German person. Couldn't come up with anybody else (for lack of historical knowledge probably). But wouldn't back down/admit it was a shit example of a 'leader' and hugely inappropriate.

Learning about Hitler is covered in KS2 curriculum which is the DS age group

@Birchtree1

But he wasn't compared to hitler

Your husband said your child is a leader

And then Hitler was a leader

Which is factually accurate

But he was? And hitler shouldn‘t be anywhere near a discussion of good Leadership?

The OPs DH doesn't seem to be discussing good leadership

The Op has detailed some troubling behaviour from her son. Which tbh would make me think 'little hitler' if I saw it in a park

Which tbh makes me think you are very ignorant. Of politics. And children.

Comparing ANYONE to Hitler to faux praise their "leadership" is not fucking well OK.

He is quite obviously being a bellend. Any comparison to Hitler is an insult. He chose that person to be inflatory. Perhaps because the OP is German. I think so, because any normal person would never, ever, make such a remark unless as a total jest.

Christ on a bike, that’s a terrible thing for your husband to say! Especially as you are German.

Ok he did “lead” a country - as did many other evil dictators mentioned in this thread - but your husband was clearly using him as an example of leadership qualities. To be aspired to. That’s abhorrent in my eyes.

As well as being evil, he was also a terrible leader as he left his country utterly destroyed. That’s not even a successful leader.

What’s all this “our son is a leader” nonsense anyway? Let you son find his own path, and don’t let him start pigeonholing him for his own ends.

The whole thing just seems very off, given what you’ve said. It does come across like your DH was trying to make a hurtful dig at you via your DS. Or even a dig at your DS for being half German. Like a purposefully xenophobic dig. If it was supposed to be ‘funny’, it was meant be nasty humour where the joke is on you.

I can’t help but think if you were Russian he would have gone down the Stalin route. If you were Chinese he would have gone for Mao. If you were Italian he would have said something about Mussolini… and so forth.

I agree with PP this was done deliberately to push buttons. He’s sounds like a real prick.

Your DH is a dick. Obviously Hitler was an incredibly powerful leader to have done what he did. He was also an evil murdering arsehole who no one should compare a child too.

Well then I must not be “allowed” either as I question Churchill and his opinions and policies all the time. Not least that he was well known as an anti-Semite at the time and is still remembered as one on many circles now.

Anyway, praising hitler is the ultimate whataboutery isn’t it? He made the trains run on time. So let’s forget the atrocities he perpetrated. That reasoning is grotesque.

It all sounds very dramatic. If my dh had said something like that I would have just pulled him up on it and suggested Hitler, being one of history's criminals, was a bad example. I wouldn't have lost my shit or felt it necessary to explain the holocaust. I accept though that I have English privilege. One of my friends is 3rd generation of a Jewish escapee, and has told me that the family members left behind disappeared. They might well have reacted differently.
What is your dh usually like. Was this purely to trigger you, or is he just a bit thick?

Out of all the examples of leaders, he went for Hitler? Jesus Christ. If he wanted a Germanic examples there’s Bismarck, Adenauer, Hindenburg, Frederick the Great….but no, “he’s like Hitler love!”. Outstanding.

Fucking hell. Even if you want to look at Hitler outside of the context of, you know, genocide, he was not a great leader by any stretch. He was a good public speaker in regards to the almost hypnotic effect he had on people and how he could fire them up, but actual leadership qualities he was severely lacking in. He was engineered into power in the first place (at a time when it appeared NSDAP support from the electorate had in fact peaked and was falling - he never won an election), and once in power his machine did most of the work. His decision making was erratic to say the least, and once he decided to take over from the generals in running the campaigns the whole artifice fell apart quite quickly.

My OH is very bright. I feel he knew it would wind me up and he succeeded.
I guess I may have over reacted. If I was British I wouldn’t have but being German it just really wound me up. He was a despot and he made the best of a situation when people were at their worst and he managed to pull lots of people along with him. A leader for certain but not exactly the best example! When your wife is German and your child is 1/2 German.
also I don’t see my son as a leader, which is another argument we sometimes have. I see a boy desperate for friends who is bossy and doesn’t always get it right!

You just seem overly sensitive all round

Your son is displaying shit behaviour which is where this issue lies imo.

You're sensitive to him being seen as 'bad' and your DH mentioning Hitler drives this home

Some kids can be mini dictators, from what you've said yours fits the bill

Maybe instead of getting worked up about this focus on helping your son

“Losing your shit” because you don’t like what someone says is a bit ott.

You're sensitive to him being seen as 'bad' and your DH mentioning Hitler drives this home

It doesn’t drive it home, in the OP’s and her DC’s it crosses a big line.

You could jokingly but not jokingly refer to Hitler if a child with no German ties was being as you say a ‘mini dictator’. It wouldn’t be particularly funny in my opinion but not massively offensive either.
But not if that child is actually half German! WTAF, that’s so offensive. How can people be so tone deaf and think that’s ok?

I think if someone jokingly said it about a child, not knowing they were half German, but then got told ‘Oh my God, Dave, you know that kid is actually German?’ - Dave would feel instantly feel awkward and like an arse because he’s massively put his foot in it. It’s a massive faux pas if you like - if you were to do it by accident. If you do it on purpose, knowing that child is German, you are just an arse plain and simple.

I hear you! But choosing hitler as an example is still not appropriate. But I see lots of people don’t agree.

Of course Hitler was a leader. Just not one anyone remotely normal would want to emulate. Putin’s having a good try, though.

He was also a world class and utterly vicious racist who thought nothing of using chemical weapons on people with no defence forces.