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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hitler argument

131 replies

Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 19:12

Just had a massive argument with my husband.
He thinks our son is a leader....( I think he has adhd) he has been pointing it out for a while. He has just mentioned it again and said he is a leader and Hitler was a leader too. Now. ...I lost my shit Hitler killed millions of people and was an ego maniac amd narcissistic asshole. ( in my opinion) apparently I am not normal with this opinion and he doesn't want to talk to me and whatever happened he was still a leader!? I just spoke to my children re our German heritage and the Jews and gypsies and lots of other minorities which I didn't want to do just yet as they are 5 and 8 years old. My husband is refusing to talk to me as I really lost my shit.
He could have mentioned Churchill or whoever ...but mentioning Hitler as an example of leadership? Apparently it is being taught at schools in this county!?!!?

OP posts:
Lili765 · 12/08/2022 20:01

Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 19:53

He wasn't

Show quote history

This is just horrible. I'm German too and would find this completely unforgivable. Absolutely disgusting. I don't think I could ever look at my husband in the same way again if he said something like this.

wibblewobblewooo · 12/08/2022 20:01

ChagSameachDoreen · 12/08/2022 19:18

How bizarre.

I mean, Hitler technically was a leader, but not one to whom your son should be compared.

Yes this

catandcoffee · 12/08/2022 20:02

He's a nutter don't doubt yourself OP

Isitsixoclockalready · 12/08/2022 20:11

DrDetriment · 12/08/2022 19:31

YABU. Hitler was a very powerful leader, abhorrent in his methods, but voted in and supported by millions of people. And I say that as someone who speaks German and has a German partner.

He was but in the context provided by the OP it was ill advised as she suggested herself. There was no need to use him as an example. There are plenty of other figures to draw upon.

SherbetDips · 12/08/2022 20:16

Hitler was not a leader he was an evil dictator. Your husband sounds very odd…

PollyRockets · 12/08/2022 20:17

SherbetDips · 12/08/2022 20:16

Hitler was not a leader he was an evil dictator. Your husband sounds very odd…

He was freely elected

Thus not a dictator by definition

coodawoodashooda · 12/08/2022 20:18

MeenzAmRhoi · 12/08/2022 19:26

Sounds like he's done it on purpose to get a rise out of you and it has worked. Is he always an arse?

Yeah. Reckon he's delighted you are upset.

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 20:24

coodawoodashooda · 12/08/2022 20:18

Yeah. Reckon he's delighted you are upset.

Show quote history

You are all right and I should have kept my calm but I didn't. Am an emotional arse! I just felt so offended for my self and my son. He says I am mad and have taken it out of context ( I havent) I would have preferred my son to be compared to Churchill as I don't have as many emotional ties to this part of history . Which is bad too.
He won't talk to me now as I properly lost my shit and ended up telling my 5 and 8 year old about Hitler and the history etc....didn't want to but wanted them to understand why I was upset.....not sure it eas the right thing to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 20:26

PollyRockets · 12/08/2022 20:17

He was freely elected

Thus not a dictator by definition

Show quote history

He may have been freely elected. Doesn't make it any better. What he did / caused wasn't part of why he was elected. But that's besides the point of what I posted

OP posts:
PollyRockets · 12/08/2022 20:28

@Birchtree1

No one said it made anything he did better

That poster was still incorrect in stating he was a dictator

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2022 20:31

Having lived in Germany, I not surprised you are upset. Does your husband not understand anything about German culture?

bellac11 · 12/08/2022 20:31

Revolvingwhore · 12/08/2022 19:27

Hitler discovered the NSDAP in 1920, when there were around 15 people in a pub. By 1932 the party had 288 seats in the Reichstag and Hitler was on the verge of being appointed Chancellor. In the years between he transformed the party's image, organisation and structure, finances and electoral strategy. His leadership skills are beyond doubt.

Strange person to pick though.

I was going to say this, which will no doubt be misinterpreted

I suspect there is missing context to the OP, but the reality is the horrible reason we did have the issue of 'Hitler' as a problem is that he was a charismatic leader,, he was successful in that respect of doing what he did

Although as others have already said, not the first choice for admiration or inspiration

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 20:37

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2022 20:31

Having lived in Germany, I not surprised you are upset. Does your husband not understand anything about German culture?

Obviously not. He is not speaking to me now saying I am mad for getting cross. But I am German and I am ashamed of our history and I have read up lots about it and I do t want my 8 year old to be compared to Hitler?

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 20:38

Obviously not compared directly to Hitler but being called a leader....like Hitler was....he is only 8.....and has problems so why would anyone even think of this!? I definitely wouldn't!

OP posts:
PollyRockets · 12/08/2022 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

BMW6 · 12/08/2022 20:39

Your DH is an utter arse OP. Hitler was indeed a leader, was also an absolute despot, messianic, deluded, charismatic, chaotic, disordered of thinking, teetotal vegetarian non-smoking cunt of the ist order AND he only had one bollock and he had a thing for very young girls.

Your son is not. Your DH is getting a rise out of you, and being German that is particularly cruel of him. He is doing it quite deliberately, which is disturbing.

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 12/08/2022 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

Omg ! Thanks for this! Seriously!?!?

OP posts:
BewareTheBeardedDragon · 12/08/2022 20:41

OP - my grandmother was German and I grew up knowing about Hitler and the Nazis atrocities from a very young age. I know you didn't want to talk to your children about it in this way, but I don't think there's anything wrong with them knowing at their ages.
I also had an abusive partner who would compare me to hitler and 'not understand' (fully understand but pretend not to) why it was so unbelievably upsetting and inappropriate. To compare a child to hitler, in any way shape or form, is so far beyond horrifically inappropriate. Your partner is awful, you are not overreacting, he knows this.
I can tell you that life without an abuser in the house is so much better. Flowers

Namechanger355 · 12/08/2022 20:48

He was a leader
but the vilest human being in the world
still a leader at making other humans as Vile though

Whattodoaboutworknow · 12/08/2022 20:49

I’m really confused by this post, did your husband actually say “dc is a leader, he’s like hitler.”?

or did he say “dc is a leader.” And then separately “Hitler was a leader.”

OR did he say “dc is a leader, hitler was also a leader” and imply dc is a little Hitler.

Because context is important here.

Also - Hitler was a leader, leader doesn’t necessarily have to be a complimentary word. In fact the problem was is that he was a leader!!

MmeMeursault · 12/08/2022 20:52

This is just awful and so unbelievably horrendous that I'd seriously be questioning whether I would stay with him. He really has no idea does he, of the offence he's caused. Wie lange hat er so gedacht, denkst du?

Mit Idioten kann man überhaupt nicht reden, eben hier mit einigen in MN.

Googlecanthelpme · 12/08/2022 20:55

I mean I personally wouldn’t compare anyone to Hitler, he has a point that he was a leader and was successful in gaining support of millions of people. I do think it’s bad taste to use as an example outside of certain context / discussion.

also, of course WW2 is covered in schools. Why wouldn’t it be?
Or does your DH mean Hitlers leadership style is covered? I mean even then, it’s not wrong to use him as an example of a dictator. I’ve certain seen it in management theory.

SignOnTheWindow · 12/08/2022 21:01

OP , it sounds like he's been deliberately trying to provoke a reaction from you and is now enjoying watching the fallout and playing DARVO.

You're not mad; he's a nasty arsehole.

CharlotteRose90 · 12/08/2022 21:03

Sorry but comparing a child to hitler is disgusting. What’s next comparing him to putin or bin laden . Absolutely shocking. It doesn’t matter what country you are from he shouldn’t have said it. If my partner compared my child to any of those monsters he would be out.

ManateeFair · 12/08/2022 21:08

Obviously children learn about Hitler at school and to understand how the Nazis rose to power, it is necessary to understand how Hitler was able to get elected in the first place and how he managed to effectively brainwash large chunks of the German population. Nobody would ever be taught that Hitler was ‘a good leader’! But they would be taught about his leadership methods because that was a huge part of his rise to power and the start of WW2.

It’s hard to tell exactly what your husband meant with his comment about your son - I mean, was he actually citing Hitler as a positive example!? Or was he making the comparison to insult your son? Either way, mentioning Hitler in this context was really weird and offensive, and even more so knowing that you are German. There’s no real context in which “Our son might be like Hitler” is an acceptable comment.