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AIBU?

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Original poster

To physically restrain DD6

178 replies

Earringsallstuck · 12/08/2022 18:01

I'm horrified to have typed that.

She had her ears pierced last month and one of them is infected. It's getting worse and she won't let me clean it, just screams hysterically and flails so I can't get at her.

It doesn't hurt; she has told me so. But she's scared to touch it herself or have me touch it.

I am using antiseptic spray on it which is hopefully helping, but it's starting to look really grim.

WIBU to physically restrain her so that her dad can clean her ear? And if not, what the hell should I do? She's a very sensitive child and I don't want to lose her trust but we have to do something soon.

And for anyone who says that we should never have got her ears pierced, I certainly did it against my better judgement and am now thoroughly regretting it.

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 12/08/2022 22:33

Earringsallstuck · 12/08/2022 22:26

Goodness well I have missed a lot.

The doctor checked her over and it turns out that she actually has a throat infection and it's just coincidental that it happened at the same time as the ear. He's prescribed antibiotics, and very kindly cleaned up her ear (and yes she kept still for him!) and told us to take the earrings out.

The piercing was done with a gun, and I'm afraid I knew no better as I've never had my own done. A lot of DD's friends have them done with no apparent ill effects, so stupidly I believed it would be okay. I do take issue with the posters who said I did it to be her to friend, or left it to fester or whatever. I'm just a parent who made a mistake and then got it sorted out as quickly as I could. But if it makes the sneery posters feel clever and superior, then I'm glad my daughter's infection gave you your moment to shine.

Thanks to everyone who posted with genuine advice and well wishes. Daughter is clean-eared and fast asleep so looks like the worst is over!

So many of us make that mistake! I did. I won't do it with dd6. She's asked and I've said no. I'm waiting till the lady at the tattoo place will do it. Costs more but zero issues.

I'm glad your dd has the all clear. Magnetic earrings are a good call in-between!

FallOutPloy · 12/08/2022 22:34

Don't beat yourself up about this OP. Like you say, many young kids have this done with no issues whatsoever.

FWIW I had loads of dreadful infections when I had my ears pierced. It took me ages to realise that I can't wear anything at all in my ears other than good quality gold. (I've not had any issues at all since I've stuck to pure gold)

Sweatinglikeabitch · 12/08/2022 22:47

You cocked up, you know it, tomorrow apologise and explain that it wasn't a good idea and why she now can't have them pierced again until she's much older. We all make mistakes, it's done now so own it so she knows you don't just ignore it when you cock up, then forgive yourself and learn the lesson.
Clairs have a huge queue for earpiercing so you're not the only one.

Sapphirensteel · 12/08/2022 23:19

Earringsallstuck · 12/08/2022 18:17

She also has a fever and has been unwell since yesterday (lethargic, sore throat, headache, no appetite) which my husband thinks might be linked to it.

With those symptoms and an ear that you strongly suspect is infected she should be seen by a medic.

nukeitfromorbit · 12/08/2022 23:20

OP not sure if you're still listening (i'd have probably hidden the thread by now) but I did something very similar with DD when she was aged 7. Got her ears pierced because i thought it would look pretty but the second the gun went in I knew I'd made an awful mistake. I had to just take the earrings out after a few days because she just couldn't cope with the pain. She was absolutely hysterical anytime I went near her ears to clean them, I feel so ashamed I put her through that. It's been 5 years and I still feel bad about it, some kids just deal with pain and discomfort differently. I've learnt a lesson that what applies to other girls won't necessarily apply to her and to do everything with that in mind. Don't beat yourself up, parenting is hard and we'll all do stupid stuff sometimes.

impossible · 12/08/2022 23:21

Glad you got it sorted out.

We all make mistakes and the longer you parent the more you'll make. My DCs are young adults now and I don't know any of their friends'parents who don't wish they'd done some things differently. It's impossible to get everything right without the benefit of hindsight (and sometimes even then there is no clear right way).

You sound like a lovely, kind mum and ultimately that's what will carry you all through.

Silverswirl · 12/08/2022 23:27

Sometimes you have to restrain them if it comes to that. One of mine had bad conjunctivitis and needed antibiotic eye drops. No way would he let me put them in. But he absolutely had to have them. Took two of us to do it- one to restrain and one to put them in. Was awful but had to be done at the time.
Unfortunately we had to repeat the procedure in a later year as he got a scratched cornea 😭

Iflyaway · 12/08/2022 23:33

In Spain they pierce girls' ears a few days after birth. No idea why, don't ask.

The lobes of ears have no nerve endings.

I had mine pierced with a needle lit with a match to steralise on a kibbutz 50 years ago

So sorry to hear that OP. Just rub it with loads of chemist alcohol.

Sometimeswinning · 12/08/2022 23:50

Iflyaway · 12/08/2022 23:33

In Spain they pierce girls' ears a few days after birth. No idea why, don't ask.

The lobes of ears have no nerve endings.

I had mine pierced with a needle lit with a match to steralise on a kibbutz 50 years ago

So sorry to hear that OP. Just rub it with loads of chemist alcohol.

Thank god you rocked up!! Seriously if only you'd have been here from the start.

Rooberoobe · 13/08/2022 00:09

For anyone else having the same as I see your DD had hers out. My DD recently had hers done and she’s not much older. We went to a piercer and they told us to use pure chamomile tea bags on the ears for 2 min and wipe over with a cotton bud to remove any crusty bits (luckily we haven’t had much at all) and don’t twist them at all. We were told do this for about three weeks twice a day then once a day till 6-8 weeks. The tea is apparently recommended by top piercers to help ensure they heal well. Hopefully she will be ok now with antibiotics and if she wants it done again in the future you have more knowledge.

Branleuse · 13/08/2022 00:12

This happened with my dd. Piercings got infected and the backs of the earrings got badly embedded in the backs of the ears.
She has sensory issues. Tried bribery, threats, cajoling. She would not let me touch them. Wouldnt let the doctor touch them. Ended up at the hospital which seems dramatic but they gave her entonox which helped her let the doctor get them out. You wont heal it with the jewellery in unfortunately

Inyournewdress · 13/08/2022 00:18

I am glad she is ok.
Staying nice and still for the doctor haha, typical!
I guess you’re going to let the holes close up which is for the best but if she ever gets them done again when she is older or wears other jewellery….I was told that nickel allergy can make this kind of reaction more likely.

Macaroni1924 · 13/08/2022 00:48

So glad she is ok op and what a coincidence to have that at the same time they like to keep us on our toes! At least you know now it’s nothing sinister. Don’t be hard on yourself being a parent is a learning curve and I’m sure the vast majority of kids go through piercings unscathed she has just been unlucky.

Mumnetter1234 · 13/08/2022 01:27

Take her to A n E ASAP!!! I had an infected earring and it went into my ear. If she can’t feel any pain and it’s numb that is probably a bad sign definitly take her to get checked as soon as you can!

CelestiaNoctis · 13/08/2022 02:32

Take her back to the piercer and have them taken out. Tell her she's not old enough and can get them done again when she can properly clean them. The piercer should know if it's infected, unless you went to a teenager at claires. In which case, call your gp. This is just the reality you face when you pierce a young child that isn't ready and can't be responsible for themselves.

CelestiaNoctis · 13/08/2022 02:35

Lol read the update, glad shes OK but a gun! The reason why people use a gun instead of a needle for their precious little angels is because no reputable piercer would pierce anyone that young.

GeekyThings · 13/08/2022 08:03

@Earringsallstuck I'm very glad to hear it's all been sorted now and you can ask get some rest 🙂

User48751490 · 13/08/2022 08:46

Silverswirl · 12/08/2022 23:27

Sometimes you have to restrain them if it comes to that. One of mine had bad conjunctivitis and needed antibiotic eye drops. No way would he let me put them in. But he absolutely had to have them. Took two of us to do it- one to restrain and one to put them in. Was awful but had to be done at the time.
Unfortunately we had to repeat the procedure in a later year as he got a scratched cornea 😭

I had to hold my youngest down when he had a respiratory infection and struggled to breathe...had to have his inhaler and steroid treatment. Yes he screamed, but I knew what was best for him. Even after explaining, he still wouldn't listen so was swaddled and then treatment was given. You have to do what is best for them, even if you come across as the bad guy!

User48751490 · 13/08/2022 08:48

Sometimeswinning · 12/08/2022 23:50

Thank god you rocked up!! Seriously if only you'd have been here from the start.

Show quote history

😬 worrying isn't it.

LivingOnTheVeg · 13/08/2022 08:58

If she gets them done again when they’re better then definitely go to a proper piercing place who use needles - the guns are rife for infections and also cause unnecessary stress on the lobe as they’re stapling a blunt object through the ear at high speed, as opposed to the needle which is much more gentle. Also, Prontolind spray is excellent if that’s not the one you’re already using!

liveforsummer · 13/08/2022 10:38

Ignore the sneery posters. You did nothing wrong. Kids want it done, usually it's fine but sometimes it's not. Same as I guess when you go to the trampoline park or beach. Usually it's fine but sometimes you'll pull a muscle or even break a bone, cut your foot on a rock etc. we still go though as it makes us/our dc happy much the same as pierced ears will make a 6 year old happy. It's all fine now and the anti biopics will help her throat and her ears. As I said in a pp exact same happened to us first time round. In all fairness I did know gun was bad but exp was taking older dd and refused to listen however when they got there he decided to get younger dd done at the same time. Older dd was absolutely fine and she's more rough and tumble, less careful with cleaning etc. dd who's got infected got gets done again last Easter. This time with the needle at a tatooist. It's still taken a while to heal so she's obviously more sensitive but got there in the end

Awwhunny · 13/08/2022 14:18

I wish the judge brigade would separate their moral/ethical position from science

I'm firmly in the judge brigade regarding children and ear piercing. My objections have nothing to do with science and everything to do with the way they look, and what they signify.

I'm glad your DD is ok now, though, OP.

RainbowBridge21 · 13/08/2022 14:29

Quite honestly I think you could wait till she's sleeping and take it out, let it heal and get it re-pierced when she's older. You need to clean piercings regularly. Restraining her once to do it would probably be okay but doing it every single time is probably not going to be a good idea for her wellbeing.

Marvellousmadness · 13/08/2022 14:42

How are you NOT aware that those piercing guns are the absolute worst???

Dont hide behind excuses that you "didnt know" . Its talked about allllll the time on mumsnet plus you could have googled it.

Take responsibility for a very bad call op. You screwed up.
And the fact you let it go for that long with an infection
It could have ended much worse

oakleaffy · 13/08/2022 14:51

Sweatinglikeabitch · 12/08/2022 22:47

You cocked up, you know it, tomorrow apologise and explain that it wasn't a good idea and why she now can't have them pierced again until she's much older. We all make mistakes, it's done now so own it so she knows you don't just ignore it when you cock up, then forgive yourself and learn the lesson.
Clairs have a huge queue for earpiercing so you're not the only one.

OP didn't ''Cock up''...Her daughter was ill with an unrelated throat infection.