To think after a certain age, you just can’t enjoy life the same?

[Watchingteeandmotogether]

Say…38-40 ish?

I’m 44 and life is mainly good, but I’ve noticed a huge shift in the feel I just feel inside from around 40/41 maybe?
I had my Dd later at 40 and it’s incredible but I suppose it brings stresses with it, worrying about family members illnesses creeping in, worrying about retirement etc.
Life sort of loses that glow, that excite bet and easiness…and fun 🤷🏻‍♀️It just feels like there’s a lot more *Stuff and barely any time

Is it just me?

I also think it can be the change from having young children that can make you feel like this. DP was 22 when our second was born, still very young but definitely felt (and still feels) the extra weight of responsibility from having 2 still very young kids! I'm barely 30 and feel like I've aged decades since having them, I think we'll both be able to get back to doing more for ourselves when they're older and a bit more independent. Until then, we'll just enjoy the (tiring) baby years since they do fly by!

I definitely feel similar at 44, with two dds a bit older (12 &16). The demands/worries around children are still sort of there, but different, and I also worry about what could be around the corner with ageing parents. Plus the demands of work, household, marriage trying to keep yourself physically and mentally healthy... it's endless and there just isn't enough time

A PP mentioned Caitlin Moran's book and it hits the nail on the head for me. And while she identifies a lot of the things that make mid life shit, the book is also kind of uplifting.

I also feel hopeful reading about the experiences of some of the older women on this thread - glad to know it gets better! There is life after midlife...

I do think it got worse before it got so much better .. 40s were tough but late 40s and 50 just got better and better as kids got older and life gets easier and more enjoyable and you care less about things that don't matter x

I have read loads of articles from this series o. The guardian and found them fabulous. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/may/23/a-new-start-after-60-skating-maurice-newman-kent-myanmar?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

If I'm honest the most happy/contented women I've met over 50 have been either single/divorced or with a newish partner where they have 'set the terms' of the relationship early on, and with older or grown up children- so are free very much to do their own thing with or without friends- they aren't joined at the hip with a guy and often don't even live with partners. I think there are so many disgruntled men over 50 in long term relationships who drag women down, set the agenda , dictate the mood - not all men I totally realise- but a great many who get moody if you aren't on hand to pander to them /keep them company /do housework

I came on to say about the happiness curve. According to that, I am close to the bottom, and then the only way is up! And I know it's not a scientific guarantee, but I find it reassuring!

I don't know. I suppose I was never young in that sense. I don't mean that I had excessive responsibilities when young- I didn't- but I had chronic health problems from childhood and a parent who was CEV as we would now say; and was never energetic and carefree. For a significant part of my youth, every year was basically 2020 without the technology. For many years, I was much healthier in my middle age than in my youth. Nowadays, sadly, age-related health problems are beginning to catch up with me, but it's still not worse than my youth.

I'm 45 and I have more fun and do more varied things than I ever did when younger. So, no, I haven't lost my zest, if anything, my age makes me want to enjoy life while I still live it

Happiness has a U-curve, especially for women with caring responsibilities and hormone problems.

I haven't re

I’m hugely enjoying my life at 46. Much more than I was enjoying my life at 26.

I don’t have kids though.

I'm sure it's not just you at all but it isn't me. I don't want to feel that way. I think the difference is my life was never boring because I made bad decisions and didn't settle down until late in life. I'm 40, newly married, young child, about to embark on home with hubby, and had a few years doing something new and now ready for another adventure. So I'm excited about life.

If you're settled and not going to be moving or doing a new career and kids are in school then I can see how things could be stale but that doesn't mean you can't spice things up.

Also I'm getting fit, for the first time, and that's making me feel great.

I haven't read the thread and I imagine there are loads who have said the same, but my life after 50 is the best it's ever been and that's despite being widowed in the last couple of years!

In the last 2 months, I have been on the holiday of a lifetime where I met really interesting people, and been away with a group of friends Done a number of fitness challenges, organised two social events for my sports club and two for other friends, visited my sister and had a blast. Loads of fun things.

I'm better at enjoying myself now than I was 20 years ago. I have a far more varied social life and social circle and let my hair down much more easily

@PerfectRun

That sounds very reassuring! You really sound happy, it's nice to hear. That's my future, I've decided now 😀. Just need to keep my eye on the prize.

The parenting thing definitely makes a huge difference! With kids being more autonomous now, I am having a lot more fun in my 50s than I did in my 40s.

This is so true. I think one of the most aging things that can happen to a woman is getting married relatively young, having children, stopping work and basically having the terms of her life being dictated by the "needs" of her family in perpetuity.

I saw this happen to my mum: she went from a super ambitious, attractive and happy woman with a great career in her 20s to basically never getting her mojo back after children. She desperately wanted her career back but for various reasons it never happened. She loved us and my dad but I was always aware that at some level she felt her life had been taken from her. So many women become hollowed out by family life because they lose the space to be themselves.

Being happy as an older woman is easier if you're single in some ways, as long as you have health and a certain level of financial security, because you can set the course for the rest of your life without having to constantly shape it to the needs of a man.

That doesn't mean older women in relationships can't be happy but I think they are happier if they have established themselves, set very clear boundaries for what they want and the relationship doesn't revolve around being a carer for everyone else.

I'm 49 and having a great time (other than Covid hitting 😫). DC are teenagers and great company, separated from DH but still good friends, mortgage paid off and parents sadly passed (that was a tough few years) so no caring responsibilities.

Mainly work, socialising, mini breaks and taken up dog agility with my mutt.

Not looking forward to the menopause but will deal with that when it comes....

Bloody hell. I thought you were going to say in your 80s with lack of mobility etc. I'm 63 and loving my life despite or maybe because of a recent brush with cancer.

Agree with what others have said- depends on various factors. I had my kids young so am coming out of the trenches now they are teenagers and at 42 and am happier, more content and sure of myself than ever. Lots of things hurt though 😂

74 here and on the whole very happy with DH who is 84, we have full lives. No childcare worries, all GCs too old to need care bar one who live far away. Some health issues, but onwards and upwards!

69 and nope...I enjoy different things and nothing was the same (or will be) after DH died. I do what i want though and let the 'stuff" go fuck itself

It's just you. Life has never been better for me and I'm much older than you.

I feel the opposite to the OP.

No, I'm 42 and don't feel like that at all. BUT one of my kids is 18 and doing his own thing which takes off some of the pressure. My parents are still reasonably fit and healthy. And I've just started a new business and finally have some time to work on it. I've been self employed a long time and things were definitely tough until my youngest went to school and then soon after we had lockdowns and school closures which didn't help.

I'm excited about my new business and I'm at the age now where I have more confidence and give less of a shit what people think (which is quite freeing!) I think when your kids are younger it's hard to see beyond where you are right now. For the last 18 years my life has been almost solely centered on my kids and I kind of lost myself. I didn't look after myself properly, put on weight, had no hobbies etc. Now though I have a lot of plans for myself the next few years and it makes me happy to have things to work towards that I enjoy.

I'm early 50's and I'd say I'm in the best, happiest phase of my life. No young kids, no hormones, health still reasonable but yes get tired easier. But happy with my own company and happy when with others. Happily content. I promise it's not all downhill, except boobs. Boobs is downhill! But who cares?!