To think after a certain age, you just can’t enjoy life the same?

[Watchingteeandmotogether]

Say…38-40 ish?

I’m 44 and life is mainly good, but I’ve noticed a huge shift in the feel I just feel inside from around 40/41 maybe?
I had my Dd later at 40 and it’s incredible but I suppose it brings stresses with it, worrying about family members illnesses creeping in, worrying about retirement etc.
Life sort of loses that glow, that excite bet and easiness…and fun 🤷🏻‍♀️It just feels like there’s a lot more *Stuff and barely any time

Is it just me?

Watchingteeandmotogether · Today 15:30
@BrioNotBiro That’s reassuring to hear! What would you say makes it better at 60 plus?

No mortgage so more disposable income, no caring responsibilities for children or elderly parents (RIP❤), no work stresses, loads of free time to do what I want after 40 odd years of work crap. And a self confidence that comes with age and a knowledge that time is getting less, so enjoy each moment however small. I know I'm lucky and not everyone will be the same (I'm not rolling in it though, just modest money and interests).

It's like being a teenager again but with better clothes and fewer hormones!

kalani some of us are still having lots of sex and wine in our 60s!

Agree, it's new parenting, not your age. I am similar in age but my DCs are all adults. Nothing ground me down more than having little babies. It's swings and roundabouts in terms of timing - I remember being 25 with toddlers and thinking I was washed up. Feeling much better in mid 40s! It will pass and you will get yourself back.

Getting older sucks.

Think of the alternative.

Ageing brings its own challenges, but it has benefits too. You start to realise that all the energy you put into worrying what other people think and trying to look like you think you should, may just have been not that important after all.

I'm 40 and really struggling to be positive and happy with life, though I'm trying.

Feel like I wasted my 30's. Have a decent paying job for what I do (admin) but it's not a career. Minimal savings. Renting. I've been single for years. Put on weight in lockdown but can't muster up the motivation to lose it and feel like people treat me differently.

Im watching friends couple up and have babies, get married etc. I'm watching life happy to other people and social media makes this worse. Social life has declined massively in last few years.

Now with the cost of living etc all I can see is doom.

Sigh.

I feel exactly like this! 41, have a 3 year old and probably peri menopausal....I'm clinging on to it getting easier!

I'm 50, DC left home four years ago at the same time my mortgage was paid off and I'm having a blast, thank you! Definitely best time of my life so far!

I'm 55 and having the time of my life. Just got back from an impromptu weekend away with friends. Out again tonight. Busy social life, but also have no problem spending the day sitting in the garden doing nothing at all. DC are in their 20s, both still at home though. I play a sport I love 3 times a week. I think I've finally got the work/life balance thing nailed!

I think it's having dc tbh.

Lady Gawain and I are touching our 70s and really enjoying life. We keep active volunteer for charities and have nice days out. We are not wealthy but thanks to a lifetime of hard work and some luck we are comfortable. Mostly life is what you make it.

I’m 38 and don’t have children
i feel exactly the same

No, my late-30s to early-40s were golden years! Career was going well. I had time to pay attention to my appearance, so was fit, tanned, groomed, etc. I went on multiple holidays every year - skiing, diving, city-breaks, adventure travel.
Then at 47 I had twins! Now, with toddlers, I don't have a second to myself!

I'm 38 and completely relate. The last few yesars have been constant 'whats happened now' for us... a big mix of things but a lot related to illness and new dependence in our parents etc.
I remember reading part of Caitlin Moran's last book where she describes how you imagine once your kids are a bit older you will get more time and energy back but actually it's just a whole new chapter of aging parents, friends getting divorced or in financial trouble etc all sorts of new issues thst need your attention & your care, and I feel like she was spot on.
*
Just want to add to the above that my DC is 9 and so we actually are out of the gruelling early years and parenting side is actually getting easier - it's all the other stuff now!*

OP, I think it comes and goes. Definitely the child-raising years have more anxiety attached to them, and with that the parents aging, getting ill, dying. That's all very tough.

But looking back over the years, now DC are young adults, I find it easy to forget the tough times and remember the best bits - how cute and funny they were, the places we went and things we did, their milestones.

And now I feel I have my life back in many ways. I've been freer in the last year that since before DC were born.

I think mid life can feel quite grindy and you have late parenthood on top of that.

People seem to chirp up after that though so hang on in there

I too think it's parenthood. I'm 52 and my kids are practically grown up now. My dh and I are never in now, either socialising or weekends away.

OP have you thought about peri-menopause? It could be causing some of your tiredness and malaise.
Also young children are relentless.

Life has its ups and downs. Get some rest. Go somewhere beautiful. Eat something delicious, there are lots of simple pleasures, but a nap first.

It's probably more having a young child than age. I know a lot of people
My age (42) who are having an amazing life with more grown up kids. Mine are 3 and 7.

I think this very much depends on what life has thrown at you or circumstances- there are plenty of people in their 50s and 60s who aren't rent or mortgage free, still have elderly parents around and haven't inherited or got great pensions and don't have loads of local friends- some are in good marriages, others barely can stand their partners

Whereas I know others who've got a different life, large inheritances, no longer have parents around to worry about , no mortgages or rent, lots of local friends, good marriages .

So it's not an age thing I feel- it's a circumstances/stage of life thing. I do remember when our son was 4 it felt literally like commute, work, home, housework and an odd holiday in there every year - there were not that many weekends away, meals or drinks out or meet up with friends- in fact we didn't have any local friends!!

I have had two primary cancers in the last seven years the first one nearly took me out, left taking food through a feeding tube for six months and has left me with a soft food only diet, when I was recovering I found a lump.

Life is for living and every day is a bonus, I don't know how long I will live for, but I try and approach life with a can do attitude.

Sorry to sound like I am lecturing, but when you have stared down the barrel of death at the age of 51 it changes your perspective on life.

Make an occasion of everything you can,even if you are doing homemade burgers (ah those were the days) do them with cream and mushrooms and just grab every moment.

I came to say the same as what many others already have, I think it’s more a small child thing than an 40s thing.

I'm 50 and don't feel like that at all, and never did, whatever age my dc were. They are teens now and are largely great company but independent enough to need less looking after. Parents are fine for now. I just got a new job so we'll be a little better off. Currently on (UK) holiday with dh and the dc and feeling pretty chilled out!

Is this about your age or your circumstances? I'm in my 50s, decades of full time work under my belt and looking at early retirement. I feel so glad to be done with all the decisions, do I go to uni, what do I study, where do I look for work, where do I live, find a partner, decide about children/marriage. Those questions are behind me. I'm in the easy time now, the time between that phase and the concerns that come with age, but we're still healthy, and I'm so grateful. Life has more sparkle now that the striving/achieving phase is over.

YABU. Life gets better the older you are. You learn more, know more and have a wider deeper perspective. Wisdom I suppose. My fifties were great. I’m enjoying my 60s even more

Face it, it’s better than the alternative.