New friend said I look ill and gaunt

[Mummysgogetter]

Hi
im just wondering what peoples opinions are on this?
im 43, 5’ft 6 inches and size 10 - BMI of about 21
i have to work to maintain my weight and by that I mean not too many carbs, exercise but nothing extreme just walking, gentle yoga and 2 x strength training sessions a week. I eat very healthy foods - lots of good fats and protein and minimal cakes, biscuits etc.

a new lady I have become friends with and met in person for the first time (we met over internet) last week has all of a sudden sent a load of messages to me that she was shocked when she saw me last week, that she knows people put their best photos on WhatsApp and the internet, but she was shocked by my appearance. She said Even though I was smartly dressed I looked very ill, gaunt and pale.
im a pale skinned blonde who does not tan and I have to wear blusher to look well, that’s just my skin tone ( I didn’t bother with makeup when I went to see her). Also I would have to be about two to three stone heavier to have a rounder face as I have high cheek bones.

this really upset me and I said “I’m always thin in the face unless I get overweight and I’m naturally pale” and she replied “you’re not convincing me or yourself!l

im flabbergasted and not sure what to think to this exchange (esp the part about not convincing her or myself) ?? Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit upset at these comments?

She is insinuating you have an eating disorder.
Definitely not a friend

I would have replied “I was taught that it’s rude to make personal comments.” and not engaged further. Sounds like a weirdo to avoid.

Her comment says more about her than you.

This. Protect yourself from this person. She sounds horribly jealous and attempting to sabotage you.

Also curious as to how you met.

But she isn’t a friend, ditch her.

She’s raging because you look good and she can’t handle it. Have a chuckle and ignore.

Deary me

OP had said the friend is not overweight, and is an average weight. So what is she jealous of, exactly?

Gaunt usually applies to the face, so a picture would be helpful.
Anyway, friends who obsess about weight and appearance are dull as f*, so I'd put her in the bin.

I’d say that’s really rude, that she may well be jealous and that she’s not going to prove to be much of a friend.

This women is obviously one of ‘those’ people who think it’s ok to comment on other’s appearance. I stay away from people like that as honestly I don’t really care what my friends look like.

You do know there's more than one bit of the continent, right?

Croatian cevapi with chips, German currywurst and Polish pork knuckle with mash are all continental food laden with grease and carbs.

The whole continent isn't some Greek fishing village.

Is she at all overweight? Even if she isn’t, I’d think she’s jealous for some reason, and wants to knock your confidence.

I once had a considerably heavier friend spread a rumour that I was anorexic. A small size 10, I wasn’t and never had been - I just had a small appetite.

It was months before I found out, by which time it was ‘common knowledge’. 🤬

Zombie thread

Most people are overweight. I'm sure you're just healthy and a good weight for your height.
Is she overweight? Is it jealousy? Or could it just be that most of the people she knows (eg family) are fat so your healthy weight looks different by comparison

Also: distance yourself from her either way.

🧟 🧟 🧟 Zombie 🧟 🧟 🧟

She’s just rude.

it doesn’t matter how thin / slim / gaunt you are. She’s rude and not a friend. I would totally disengage or she’ll reel you in with more of this crap and destroy your confidence. If you met online and not IRL she’ll be very easy to drop. Do it quickly.

Backing off is definitely for the best.

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!
THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD!!!

As everyone has said, who does that? With no attempt at being polite? Very bad behaviour from her part.

It’s not even faux concern, is it?

I wouldn’t try and defend myself I would ignore the message. Don’t justify anything.

i am naturally thin. As I’ve aged I have lost muscle bulk and my face looks thinner. I eat a
reasonable diet, exercise and get adequate sleep. I am 67 years old. I know I look different than i did even 10 years ago!
A girlfriend i had not see in about 5 years recently told me I look sick and skinny, that i
should gain some weight because I look unhealthy. Not “are you feeling okay?” Just that I look sick.
Honestly, I felt so self conscious after she made that remark. She is younger than me and I told her this is just a consequence of advancing age, that all people age differently.
I told her thanks a lot for telling me I look sick and old.
Don’t pay attention to random remarks about your physical appearance.They are rude.