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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New friend said I look ill and gaunt

122 replies

Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 10:39

Hi
im just wondering what peoples opinions are on this?
im 43, 5’ft 6 inches and size 10 - BMI of about 21
i have to work to maintain my weight and by that I mean not too many carbs, exercise but nothing extreme just walking, gentle yoga and 2 x strength training sessions a week. I eat very healthy foods - lots of good fats and protein and minimal cakes, biscuits etc.

a new lady I have become friends with and met in person for the first time (we met over internet) last week has all of a sudden sent a load of messages to me that she was shocked when she saw me last week, that she knows people put their best photos on WhatsApp and the internet, but she was shocked by my appearance. She said Even though I was smartly dressed I looked very ill, gaunt and pale.
im a pale skinned blonde who does not tan and I have to wear blusher to look well, that’s just my skin tone ( I didn’t bother with makeup when I went to see her). Also I would have to be about two to three stone heavier to have a rounder face as I have high cheek bones.

this really upset me and I said “I’m always thin in the face unless I get overweight and I’m naturally pale” and she replied “you’re not convincing me or yourself!l

im flabbergasted and not sure what to think to this exchange (esp the part about not convincing her or myself) ?? Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit upset at these comments?

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 12/08/2022 11:07

She sounds insanely jealous. I’d just ask if SHE is ok as she has a very unhealthy occupation with your appearance

ColmanFlamingo · 12/08/2022 11:13

Absolutely jealous. When I've lost weight, and I'm rather curvy, I always get these common when I'm starting to look good.
Is she, by any chance a bit larger than you?

ColmanFlamingo · 12/08/2022 11:14

Comments!

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 11:16

Yes you’re right I have commented or started threads about keeping slim - it’s hard to do when you get past 40 and talking to others about their experiences helps. But no, I definitely do not want to look gaunt - I want to look slim and healthy, not slim and gaunt. Surely there isn’t anyone that would want to look ill and gaunt??

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 11:17

Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 11:16

Yes you’re right I have commented or started threads about keeping slim - it’s hard to do when you get past 40 and talking to others about their experiences helps. But no, I definitely do not want to look gaunt - I want to look slim and healthy, not slim and gaunt. Surely there isn’t anyone that would want to look ill and gaunt??

Sorry that post was to the person that said I have started a lot of threads about w/loss and staying slim and am I sure I am not secretly pleased I have been called gaunt

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 12/08/2022 11:20

Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 11:16

Yes you’re right I have commented or started threads about keeping slim - it’s hard to do when you get past 40 and talking to others about their experiences helps. But no, I definitely do not want to look gaunt - I want to look slim and healthy, not slim and gaunt. Surely there isn’t anyone that would want to look ill and gaunt??

Not unless they had the beginning or in the throws of an ED

GinaMaloney · 12/08/2022 11:22

Oh it’s you again. Why don’t you just concentrate on staying teeny-tiny and forget about what other people say. You are obviously desperate to be thin, given the amount of posts you’re on, so just get on with it. Im pretty sure no one else really cares what size you are

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 11:22

Endlesslypatient82 · 12/08/2022 11:20

Not unless they had the beginning or in the throws of an ED

Show quote history

Oh okay, sounds like you’re talking from experience?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 12/08/2022 11:23

GinaMaloney · 12/08/2022 11:22

Oh it’s you again. Why don’t you just concentrate on staying teeny-tiny and forget about what other people say. You are obviously desperate to be thin, given the amount of posts you’re on, so just get on with it. Im pretty sure no one else really cares what size you are

Wow 🤩 who upset you this morning?

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 12/08/2022 11:25

Oddly enough @GinaMaloney has just posted “oh it’s you again” on another thread

odd bod

IrisVersicolor · 12/08/2022 11:26

I’m not convinced by the having to work hard to maintain weight - I mean I’m 51, I don’t have a particularly fast metabolism in fact I’d say it’s quite sluggish and I put on weight easily, but I certainly don’t have to restrict carbs to stay normal.

So - I don’t know whether your ‘friend’ is just trying to put you down or whether your long term preoccupation with being slim has left you looking depleted.

lastminutedotcom22 · 12/08/2022 11:27

@Mummysgogetter

She's no friend
I "had" a friend who seemed to delight in telling me "I looked tired"

I just got rid maybe I do look tired but I don't need to be told!

DaisyJoy1 · 12/08/2022 11:27

She sounds massively jealous and insecure. As does @GinaMaloney

Jki · 12/08/2022 11:28

GinaMaloney · 12/08/2022 11:22

Oh it’s you again. Why don’t you just concentrate on staying teeny-tiny and forget about what other people say. You are obviously desperate to be thin, given the amount of posts you’re on, so just get on with it. Im pretty sure no one else really cares what size you are

🙄

urgh. So annoying to have commented then

get help, OP

adriftabroad · 12/08/2022 11:30

Since earlyish menopause mid 40s, I definitely have to cut down on the carbs and up protein.

Very slim and happy with weight, the same since in my 30s, but none of my clothes fit round my middle.

41 or 51, it will happen to you too! Less carbs, more protein is sensible and very healthy. Not an ED FGS.

10HailMarys · 12/08/2022 11:30

Anyone who comments negatively on someone's appearance like that is rude and has no social skills.

However, as this is the fourth thread you've started about how thin you are and how you want to stay that way, I do think you have some kind of obsession with your weight.

BringMeTea · 12/08/2022 11:30

How funny. Lose this whackjob.

plantseverywhere · 12/08/2022 11:31

If your bmi is 21 I don’t think it’s likely you look unwell or gaunt. That’s a healthy bmi, it’s not ike you’re skirting the lower end of healthy.

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 12/08/2022 11:31

If someone had sent me a barrage of messages about how terrible my appearance was I'd have put I stop to it one way or another. I wouldn't have tried to justify or explain why I look the way I do.

Whether it's about your looks or how you have chosen to decorate your living room, it's a completely weird thing to do. Text someone a review.

A size ten isn't 'teeny tiny' when you are 43. It's just an ordinary size. Confused

plantseverywhere · 12/08/2022 11:31

Oops, pressed too soon - it sounds like she’s just jealous!

IrisVersicolor · 12/08/2022 11:32

adriftabroad · 12/08/2022 11:30

Since earlyish menopause mid 40s, I definitely have to cut down on the carbs and up protein.

Very slim and happy with weight, the same since in my 30s, but none of my clothes fit round my middle.

41 or 51, it will happen to you too! Less carbs, more protein is sensible and very healthy. Not an ED FGS.

It isn’t that healthy no.

In animal studies increased protein in diets leads to kidney hypertrophy (enlargement).

adriftabroad · 12/08/2022 11:33

IrisVersicolor · 12/08/2022 11:32

It isn’t that healthy no.

In animal studies increased protein in diets leads to kidney hypertrophy (enlargement).

Show quote history

I am pescatarian, eat fish once a week, but thank you.

GinaMaloney · 12/08/2022 11:39

Endlesslypatient82 · 12/08/2022 11:25

Oddly enough @GinaMaloney has just posted “oh it’s you again” on another thread

odd bod

Ah, how sweet, a fan! Thanks for following me

Lily073 · 12/08/2022 11:39

adriftabroad · 12/08/2022 11:30

Since earlyish menopause mid 40s, I definitely have to cut down on the carbs and up protein.

Very slim and happy with weight, the same since in my 30s, but none of my clothes fit round my middle.

41 or 51, it will happen to you too! Less carbs, more protein is sensible and very healthy. Not an ED FGS.

Not necessarily. Plenty of women don't change shape or gain weight during peri/menopause, it's not inevitable.

Popsicle33 · 12/08/2022 11:44

She's a jealous negging bitch. Cut her out of your life