Women basically doing everything on family trip

[oha]

We are on a family holiday at the moment. Several families with children, babies and toddlers.

The men are pretty much sat outside drinking beer, whilst the women do everything. Cooking, clearing up and tending to the children.

The dynamic has always been like this in my family and I'm so resentful.

Do anyone else's trips end up like that ?

Generally, I see dads being very hands on during holidays. Usually not the drudge work but certainly entertaining children.

Yes this is why I avoid as much as possible self catering holidays because its 'same shit different location'. I also avoid family holidays, I always seem to be the person everyone looks to to organise/take charge and I don't want to do it anymore.

The problem is that if you are on holiday with a load of women who are martyrs to this you're not going to get anywhere. Personally I would do my own thing with my children and then sit down with a beer myself, not cause a scene.

Our dads aren't even bothering with that. To the extent one came in the other day to tell one of the mums that her child's shoe had fallen off, rather than putting it back on himself !

So she should have turned round to him and said "Put it back on then!"

You all need to stand up for yourselves a little more. When meals are discussed, mention then about "if we cook, you'll need to wash up". Don't let the men get away with this behaviour.

But if you're surrounded by martyrs, then let them get on with it and just slack off yourself!

My god. What did she say?

I would never do a self catering holiday for that reason. Same shit, different place.

no. We go on a group holiday every year with friends and the dads do equal cooking, kids stuff, tidying etc.
no f-ing way I would put up with that! It we don’t need to luckily…

Honestly I do think it's a difficult situation. If the other women are very placid you will be labelled as a 'trouble maker', no doubt. What is your DH doing? I would be having a word and telling him to step up massively, it might spur the others into action!

In the meantime I would be in M&S buying myself a lush salad and bottle of sparkling something and enjoying myself.

6/7 families depending on who goes that year ….

@GCAcademic she did actually tell him to do it. I was just shocked that he even bothered coming in.

Nope, sorry. Dh is v hands on in holidays, and as a child I remember dDad being very much the same. He'd do a lot of the cooking as well.
You need to start saying no!

Fuck. Self-catering.

you only need to browse through the thousands of “air bnb /SC” threads here to note it’s NEVER “my husband’s been up since 5am scrubbing the apartment and we got charged extra cleaning”.

single mum here and I’ve tried to raise fully-functioning humans. My ex’s family think I’m lazy and a poor excuse for a woman - but then my ex-MIL raised two boys who couldn’t use a washing machine until aged 35.

book the fucking hotel, order a cocktail and open your kindle.

DHs family have been making noises about going on a group holiday next summer. I am refusing to go as BIL and FIL will install tgemselves on the nearest sun lounger while SIL and MIL run round after them and the kids. I work FT (as does SIL) and while my DH is very helpful and does at least 50% I'm not waiting on FIL and BIL for a week.

No - my DH has always been the main 'organiser' on holiday ... he takes full responsibility for whatever is going on ..if anything I am the one sunbathing with a book and a glass of wine.
Not saying he is perfect (neither am I) but he's always been a fully functioning adult when it comes to being a parent and taking responsibility for domestic matters. Still is - retired now but just gone off to do the shopping and a volunteer role whilst I am enjoying coffee in the garden and planning a day at the Lido (alone!).

Who are you there with? As in woth your DP and kids or are you single?

No because I am not a martyr and have a voice.

When we have been self catering we eat out almost all the time anyway.

I do see this a lot but DH does his bit. Tbf, he is the one who is up early cleaning the villa.
I do a lot of the cooking, especially when we're abroad as I like cooking forrin. However, he'll be packing beach bags, hanging out washing, supervising the DCs.
He hates the sea, so I tend to do that bit, but otherwise it's a team effort.
I'd be raging and would get them told!

We don't have children but in the past holidays with extended family were always like this to the extent that DH and I used to joke about it (calling them out just resulted in completely blank looks from all concerned and comments like "but I love doing washing/cleaning/hoovering" etc from the women). In the end DH would be an honorary woman and do the cooking etc and we would share the childcare. Being an honorary man seemed to involve playing sports/games with the kids (fine -happy to do that) or getting ratarsed which wasn't for me. It was really depressing to watch.

I was a widowed single parent for my two DDs’ whole childhood, and I made damn sure our main holiday each year was in a 4 or 5 * hotel where I didn’t have to lift a finger!
I was exhausted, working full time as a doctor and doing all the chores at home - I certainly wasn’t going to bloody cook and clean while abroad.
I did take them to holiday cottages in the UK as well, but made sure there were local restaurants, cafes etc to eat out. And late DH’s aunt or parents sometimes came too and helped out.
No woman should accept being a martyr to a sexist pig.

So you say "right, we (women) have done the cooking and cleaning and kids for the first three days, so from tomorrow it's going to switch and you gents are going to be doing all that, so the we all get to have a few days where we get a proper break."

Why are you all putting up with it? Stop being martyrs! Of course they are sitting there doing nothing because nothing is expected / asked of them. Grab the prosecco / gin and go outside and tell them they are up. They are doing it because you are letting them. And I know I'll now be jumped on because "the men should just do it, they should be more considerate etc". But most people will be lazy if allowed to be.

For goodness sake, sometimes I despair of womankind.

Why are you tolerating this? Just, don't.

My husband is better than usual with domestic on holiday mostly because he’s
not working.

if you’re surrounded by martyrs it’s difficult, but suggesting that the men clear up if the women cook is a good one

one thing my husband can’t do however is plan anything- holidays or what we’re actually doing while we’re here. So I have to sort all that out. I think that’s a personality flaw though not just because he’s a bloke!

I think this is one of the reasons I first fell in love with my now DH. The weekends in question were old Uni friends and my DH was the one in the kitchen with 4 women and the other 3 men were in the lounge doing naff all.

Are the family British? Only cos My mothers side of the family is Portuguese and the more sacrificial a woman is to her family, the ‘better’ woman she is! 🙄