Women basically doing everything on family trip

[oha]

We are on a family holiday at the moment. Several families with children, babies and toddlers.

The men are pretty much sat outside drinking beer, whilst the women do everything. Cooking, clearing up and tending to the children.

The dynamic has always been like this in my family and I'm so resentful.

Do anyone else's trips end up like that ?

It's just like this, same at Christmas, Easter etc. anytime family gets together- the women are slaving around after the kids and serving everyone and the men sit on their arses.

Pretty difficult to change the dynamic that easily if you've grown up that way and it's always been that way.

Same in DH family. There was once a relative who didn't do that much and they called her a lazy cow.

I remember being around 13 and we went on holiday to somewhere different to the usual so my dad booked a self catering apartment. At the end of the two weeks my dad said I'll just nip next door and book for next year. My mum said no you will not. I'm not coming on holiday again to have to do what I do at home. It's no holiday for me. So next year was a lovely hotel. I think my mum enjoyed her dinners when we stayed in the hotel!

But what about when it’s just you/DH/kids?

None of this nonsense on family group holidays - everyone takes full adult responsibility for the kids, housework, shopping etc etc.
BUT DH and I used to go on group holidays with 3 other couples where all the men sat around drinking and chatting while the women indulged in competitive catering in the kitchen.
I didn't say anything (didn't want to disrupt the dynamic if everyone else was happy with it.
I was taking things easy with the men though - I figured if that's the way they wanted to play it I'd just please myself and not get involved.

Pretty difficult to change the dynamic that easily if you've grown up that way and it's always been that way.

Does your husband pull his weight at home?

I love you.

I love hotels for exactly this reason.

We have a mixture when all the family go away together. One dad is useless (although not at the level of telling the mum about a shoe falling off!) and also always brings his laptop and works most days. Does nothing except when specifically asked, but does at least do what's been asked. Another dad is brilliant, does everything (is a bit too house proud for my standards so we grate on one another a bit, but can't fault him for his involvement with kids and housework). Another one is in the middle, a bit lazy but does some of the work, not as much as his wife and isn't great with kids (doesn't watch them properly). Parents have a 'traditional' dynamic for their age: dad has his own jobs which he does reliably, but doesn't notice when anything different needs doing. And I'm divorced so no more useless husband to get under my feet.

I'm definitely the organiser, but that's because I supposedly have more time to get admin stuff done, although DH will pack his own stuff.

I insist on an all-inclusive hotel so no cooking, washing up or laundry for me please! I wouldn't do a self catering holiday with young children.

Pretty difficult to change the dynamic that easily if you've grown up that way and it's always been that way.

Sure but someone has to do it, otherwise your children will be following the same pattern, because it's always been that way.

You need to nip that in the bud fast. In my eyes holidays are for me to have a break from the cooking and housework. I have one rule on holiday and that is I do not cook. So if we go somewhere self catered my dh either cooks or he coughs up for a takeaway or restaurant.
As for childcare dh usually takes control and spends a lot of time entertaining the kids and spending quality time with them, he doesn't get much time when he is working as he works long hours.
I consider myself quite lucky, but I had to put this rule in place as soon as we had kids.

It is depressing the amount of posters blaming the women.
I could not sit there drinking beer for a holiday while others run around doing stuff.

How many days in are you? I'd make a cheery announcement about roles swap as of tomorrow.

Absolutely. Women are not responsible for making men behave like half-decent human beings.

I wouldn't have married a man like this. Your extended family is common enough, but shouldn't be normal. Do none of the women call them out on their laziness? Even passive aggressively??!

@Goldbar exactly!!!

Nope, not the case in my friendship groups. No
woman I know is a walkover like that.

And yet so many people on this thread see it as the woman's fault. Society moves at a glacial pace sometimes.

that doesn’t happen on our holidays, noway I’d put up with that

And have them sulk for the next 72 hours?
Or do things deliberately badly so you’re bound to intervene?
Thankfully my DH never holidayed with me and the children; and now I am planning solo holidays 😊

But if women spoke up about this nonsense earlier in the relationship, and didn't put up woth it, it wouldn't become so entrenched. . personally i didn't marry a dick who thinks i live to serve him so we have holidays together where we both a t like equal adults

Well stop doing everything then! Plonk the kids outside with them and go off down to to the beach/pub/tea shop/walk whatever you fancy.

As long as you put up with this shit it will continue to happen.

But we, as women, are 50% of the population so we are 50% to blame for raising our children to behave in these manners (men to be inherently lazy and women to accept it). And, if I play devil's advocate, since, (according to a lot of threads on MN) there are so many women who seem to be raising children single-handedly, surely those women have to take 100% responsibility for our sons being raised as lazy, disrespectful incompetents? If you / society, can't / won't do anything about the men in the world (I actually think we can, but...), surely we can have more influence on our children? Especially if the men aren't taking any active part in raising them? Surely we can teach our boys that that is not the way it should be?

Sometimes I am depressed at how women think they are powerless to make changes. I totally and utterly agree that women shouldn't HAVE to ask men to do things, they just should, but if they grew up seeing their mothers do everything, and their dads do nothing, it is going to just be how they think things should be... Just like people who grow up around drugs or crime, they either go the other way and are as straight as a die or fall into the same life, because that's what they've learnt about how things are.

Irrespective of how crap the menfolk are, no matter what kind of role model they are / aren't, we, as 50% (or more) of their influence, can teach our children to be useful, pro-active partners. Please tell me I'm not wrong? Someone, anyone?

My husbands dad was a hands-off, lazy, stereotypical male. My husband is not, he is a hands on, amazing partner who more than pulls his weight with everything in our marriage. Good luck or the influence the women in his life have had?

there are so many women who seem to be raising children single-handedly, surely those women have to take 100% responsibility for our sons being raised as lazy, disrespectful incompetents?

And you don't think the absent fathers have anything to do with this?

I don't thing anybody has actually blamed women? Some posters are wondering why this shitty behaviour from men seems to be acceptable and oh well what can you do, it's always been like that..

@oha you need a girls/ women only daytrip... and oh the car you're taking will break down in some pretty little town with a lovely hotel. 😁
The men will cope with the kids time to have a holiday!