Women basically doing everything on family trip

[oha]

We are on a family holiday at the moment. Several families with children, babies and toddlers.

The men are pretty much sat outside drinking beer, whilst the women do everything. Cooking, clearing up and tending to the children.

The dynamic has always been like this in my family and I'm so resentful.

Do anyone else's trips end up like that ?

I'm in two mind: annoyed at the dads who take it for granted and annoyed at the mums who put up with it.

Yeah, I've had my fair share of self catering hols. Same shit, different sink. Stay home and save yourself a grand. I'm another one who is against self-catering: the last 2 air bnb's we rented were a disaster. Wasps nests, no electric for half the stay, no wifi, TV didn't work etc etc.

I think you do need to delegate: DH, can you take little Tarquin to the loo/clean the floor again/prepare lunch for 15 people. Otherwise they just seem clueless. Weaponized incompetence anyone?

And the last time we went with BIL, he and SIL invited their third wheel (AKA threesome partner) along for the week. That was entertaining at least. You cannot make up the shit that happens on family hols.

But if the mum's don't then it's the whole family who suffers. It's a bit like 'go on strike'. In practice it just means nothing gets done, no behaviours change and everyone suffers, particularly mum who ends up having to rectify it all.

Well, in the real world strikes sometimes work.

But I'm not suggesting that. Just a 'pull your fucking weight, dad' comment here and there. Many of them will be oblivious that there's a problem at all.

Why has another zombie thread been bumped up 🤔

I think the problem is group holidays.

DH is fine at sharing domestic stuff when it’s the two of us. But give him a group of male friends opening beers and he’ll go join them, ignoring whatever needs doing with DC/getting dinner etc. Leaving me to either suck it up or be the Evil Wife who tells him to get up and do something helpful.

I choose Evil Wife. I’d rather be Evil Wife than a resentful drudge.

I loath these dynamics. Not just holidays but other occasions too. Myself and my husband once helped a family member with moving. I was very specific before I agreed to help what I was and wasn't 'up for'. Within half hour orders were given out for the women to get on with the cleaning whilst the menvdid the unloading etc. Let me be clear I'm not talking 50kg boxes, I'm talking about a fridge on a sack barrow. I watched one man wsit 20min in the kitchen for one of the women to clean the space under the counter before he pushed it in and plugged in then instructed same woman to give it a wipe.
Now I know many people might prefer to clean (not me) but it's the assumption I cant stand.
These same men then all buggered off to the pub too and teased my husband because he wasn't 'allowed' to come. Well yes he could, but as were obviously finished for the day I can either join you or l'm taking the car and someone will need to drop him off....surprisingly I didn't want to stop with the women doing childcare and cleaning!

Unfortunately the counter move is often fir the women to pull together and say we're going out for the afternoon, to even things out, but I don't want to go out asxa group ghen haveca gender divide. I'm choosy now.

Have you tried swapping places with hubby and sitting with the dads? You can't stop other womdn being martyrs but you can decide what you do.

A similar thing happened to me when I joined the Sealed Knot but I put my foot down to go out on the field. Hubby did too as a martyr looked after DS. I had a great time.