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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I over reacting here?

93 replies

LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:24

Going away next week, Tuesday to Saturday. It’s been planned for AGES. It’s been spoken about for ages. My husband has just messaged me and asked about our plans for the holiday. Turns out he’s only booked the Friday, Saturday and Sunday off.
So I said, “So the last 4 times I’ve asked you if you booked it off you lied then?”
to which he responded “I booked off what I thought we had planned, I didn’t realise we were leaving on the Tuesday.”

This is despite knowing our daughters party is on Sunday. So, he thought we were going away just for one day?
Part of me thinks he’s done this on purpose because he doesn’t want to come. But the other part of me thinks well maybe he is just really fucking stupid.

He’s not home yet but I don’t want to have a massive falling out with him if I’m being u reasonable to be so annoyed. I have a mood disorder and have a tendency to react extremely to things.

Im just so pissed of that yet another trip away on my own with the kids so it’s not really enjoyable for me at all, just really stressful.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Winterfellismyhome · 11/08/2022 21:25

YANBU. I would be so annoyed

Quartz2208 · 11/08/2022 21:28

Yep I would be annoyed

latetothefisting · 11/08/2022 21:31

ha so you take kids all the way on your own, he gets 3 full days of chilling in the house by himself. He has 100% not forgotten, just didn't want to come.

Seeing as he now has 3 extra days leave he hasn't used, tell him to book time off for somewhere he'd really like to go, then when the time comes say, 'Oh, because I did the last holiday all on my own and it wasn't really a break, it's just me going away now, you look after the kids, see you in 3 days," and have a lovely mini break on your own.

Ponoka7 · 11/08/2022 21:32

He's certainly checked out of family life. This should be a wake up call for you and it needs addressing.

Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:33

latetothefisting · 11/08/2022 21:31

ha so you take kids all the way on your own, he gets 3 full days of chilling in the house by himself. He has 100% not forgotten, just didn't want to come.

Seeing as he now has 3 extra days leave he hasn't used, tell him to book time off for somewhere he'd really like to go, then when the time comes say, 'Oh, because I did the last holiday all on my own and it wasn't really a break, it's just me going away now, you look after the kids, see you in 3 days," and have a lovely mini break on your own.

He’s not chilling in the house alone he will be at work.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 11/08/2022 21:34

It does sound like he has done it on purpose, do you have any idea why?

Cantanka · 11/08/2022 21:34

I would lose my shit over that, big time.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/08/2022 21:36

I’d be bloody raging. He lied. Repeatedly. I can’t be doing with that.

Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:37

Aprilx · 11/08/2022 21:34

It does sound like he has done it on purpose, do you have any idea why?

He hates taking holiday. Until he met me he never took holiday ever but I force him to every year now. I know he’s also not looking forward to the drive but neither am I!

OP posts:
bbqhulahoop · 11/08/2022 21:43

He gets the evenings to chill though... imagine if you worked and could come home to eat what you want and do what you want. I'd be furious in your position

Tothemoonandbackx · 11/08/2022 21:43

My EX used to do this, he NEVER once had my Birthday off because his work wouldn't allow time off around Easter, my Birthday is the end of March, so sometimes fell into Easter week, but EVERY year the time would change and it'd be Easter month, or Easter weekend or some other shit excuse. I just started booking the week off and doing what I wanted to do while he was busy at work. Admittedly this was before kids though, so I can imagine it's no picnic for you. He might be at work, but I bet he'll bloody enjoy himself when he gets home to an empty house with no-one but himself to look after, the swine!!!!!

Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:44

bbqhulahoop · 11/08/2022 21:43

He gets the evenings to chill though... imagine if you worked and could come home to eat what you want and do what you want. I'd be furious in your position

He really doesn’t. He’s a chef. He doesn’t get home till 11:30-12:00.

OP posts:
Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:46

It means I won’t be able to do the things I want to do with our older one because I’m going to be juggling the baby which has really annoyed me. Older one had missed out on a lot because of the baby, I wanted this to be a nice family trip for her.

OP posts:
SavingsThreads · 11/08/2022 21:48

He'll get the days he booked off on his own won't he. I'd hit the roof

LilyMarshall · 11/08/2022 21:50

Well, only you know whether he is either a) stupid b) a liar or c) a lazy parent who would happily let you do all the parenting.

none of those options sound good to me in a life partner.

Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:50

I don’t even want to go anymore. Ffs.

OP posts:
Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:51

LilyMarshall · 11/08/2022 21:50

Well, only you know whether he is either a) stupid b) a liar or c) a lazy parent who would happily let you do all the parenting.

none of those options sound good to me in a life partner.

I’m gonna go with A, but it still doesn’t improve my mood about it. I’m really cross.

OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 11/08/2022 21:54

LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:51

I’m gonna go with A, but it still doesn’t improve my mood about it. I’m really cross.

Show quote history

How much parenting does he do generally?

Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 21:57

Lots. He’s a great dad! It’s only this one particular issue I’m cross about. I just feel so let down.

OP posts:
RosiePosie27 · 11/08/2022 22:00

My DH (god love him) is the same. It’s nothing malicious at all, it’s just not listening!!

Zombiemum1946 · 11/08/2022 22:04

There will rapidly be a time when the kids have left home and are busy with their own families and lives. Working till you drop isn't a life, and is very quickly and easily regretted. I saw it with my own parents (mum died only a couple of years into retirement). My father has told me he envies what my brothers and my husband have with their kids. All of this hit home with my husband when I laid it out using his own parents as an example and my father's admission. Sometimes a verbal slap is what's needed.

user1583920194858592910103848559201 · 11/08/2022 22:04

Why can't he take unpaid leave for 2 days and you go with your eldest?

3luckystars · 11/08/2022 22:07

next time put it in writing, did you text at any stage about it?

I would be very upset too but would never let it happen again. I hope you can make the best of it x

Original poster
LidFlipper · 11/08/2022 22:08

He’s messaged saying he’s asked for the days off so will have to wait to see if it’s approved. Still fucking mad though!!

OP posts:
3luckystars · 11/08/2022 22:09

Don’t let him make you feel guilty. If he gets the days off, just move on. Do not thank him or apologise to him if he gets in a mood.

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