To object to "She's not peddling on the back"

[ArseOnSaddle]

DH and I have ridden a tandem for about 10 years. We absolutely love it, it's much more social than having separate bikes, and there is a brilliant teamwork thing where you have to work together and synchronise your actions to maximise your speed.

Tandems are generally set up so the stronger rider is at the front, as it takes a lot of upper body strength to steer the combined weight of two people. So generally in heterosexual couples, the man is on the front and the women is the "stoker".

However, it makes us an irresistible target for the inevitable shout of "She's not peddling at the back". It's always some smartarse bloke, often not looking like he does any exercise at all, and it's started to really wind me up. Especially when we've just slogged up some endless mountain climb (which is really tough and slow on a tandem) and I've been working my arse off for hours. It just feels really discouraging and sexist - like my effort is invisible.

However, we recently had a quite unpleasant interaction where I expressed my frustration with the comment and the guy took massive exception - because it was only a friendly joke - and I really wished I hadn't said anything.

So is the only possible response to ignore it? It is so frequent and so very irritating!

YABU : It's a joke, get over yourself.
YANBU: It is pretty sexist and annoying.

It’s quite likely the kind of person shouting that sort of thing would also make the same joke if it was a tandem ridden by two men or two women. I can see why you’re annoyed but I doubt they genuinely thought you weren’t peddling.

I always assumed it was a sexist thing, bloke at the front, so learnt something there, thanks.

Problem is you've heard it loads, he think he's clever.

I have a name that can be pronounced a different way & it's incredibly tedious when people say the same "joke"...

I feel your pain. But never come to a decent way to deal with it.

It's the same as a tall person being asked "what's the weather like up there?". It's unoriginal and unfunny rather than malicious.

I'd ignore it or just shout "good one" and leave it at that.

Like pp, I also think if it was two blokes it would still be ‘he’s not peddling at the back”. It’s just because tandems are pretty unusual. It’s also -I’m embarrassed to say- the kind of thing DH would say because he would think it’s funny, even though we have ridden a tandem on holiday and he knows how much effort they take. It’s just a daft thing to say to acknowledge you.

I don't think it's sexist particularly. We used to get the same when I had DC pedaling behind me. It's just an attempt at humour.

It's always the blokes! But maybe it will help to think of it as an acknowledgment and not a put down.

We get it on our tandem even though I (stoker) am on the front on ours! DH, on the back, has steering and brakes. The shout can be either "She's not pedalling" or "He's not pedalling" so it's probably not sexist, just something to say when they see an unusual bike and don't have much time to think of something original.

And they all look so pleased with themselves, as if they're the first person in the world ever to have said something so utterly hilarious, don't they? And yes, it's always blokes.

On a good day my DH (on the front, reasons as in the original post) replies, "That's OK, I'm not steering," or, "Never mind about pedalling, is she getting on with her knitting?" On a less good day he replies with a po-faced, "Yes she fucking is, do you think I can't tell?" I'll sometimes say, "It's OK, he'll tell me if he needs me to pedal."

However, for every, "The one on the back's not pedalling, ha ha," we get loads of compliments and waves and people asking genuine questions about the differences between riding a tandem and riding solo bikes.

I would say keep replying "fuck off, bellend" and if they want to do their "i was only joking i am a fine comedian why aren't you smiling" routine, either repeat some variation of "continue fucking off, bellend" or begin to record him, telling him you're adding him to your online collection of angry men who were 'only joking'. On your blog. Called 'fuck off, bellend.'

I have zero patience with these people and I like to use them as an excuse to be as sweary as I like. I like the glimmer of doubt in their eye when they realise I'm not going to laugh or cry or do whatever other reaction they were hoping for. Take all their sad weakling power away and reduce them to dirt.

Oh God, inane drivel like that is so irritating, but it's just what people say. I might give a thumbs up and a "never heard that one before!" as I pedal off and ignore.

Nice bike!

I think I would sarcastically say 'oooh, never heard that one before' with a big smile (to show I am 'joking' back) and just carry on.

I love the fact that we can both see where we're going. We've tried a standard tandem but prefer our setup. I totally agree with the social/teamwork aspect. We have toured Brittany, Croatia and Skye (got soaked and frozen on Skye!) on ours.

KohlaParasaurus
Love that you have good day and bad day responses - and yes, we also get the delightful reactions including the "tandem smile" where people are obviously pleased just to see one.

Our best ever response was in central Manchester where a very urban young lad shouted "Oh my days - a tandem - what a day to be alive". Which was lovely.

I quite like "That's Ok, I'm not steering" - maybe DH can give that a try.

Lunalae
We'd kind of moved towards your sweary response recently, but had a pretty horrible encounter with a guy who took it very personally and had to have the last word. And I felt like the sweary response was a bit OTT and not adding to the sum of human happiness! So we're probably searching for a response which is more witty than aggressive. It does give me the rage though!

THANKS RANDOM MAN! as you both zoom past him

I'd just laugh and reply "I wish!". It's irritating, but it's just some people's way of trying to interact, and tbh, I'd rather that more people interacted with strangers than less, so I wouldn't react badly (unless it was the upteenth time that day maybe!).

It's a bit #bants isn't it. Like cheering when a plate is dropped. Unfunny yes but an assumption to say it's sexist.

Ugh, it is sexist in that it’s random men trying to make you look at them cos you’ve caught their eye by looking slightly unusual, and therefore they feel entitled to your attention.

DS bikes to school. I then push his bike home, uphill. (School has a theft issue and his bike is nice, so I don’t want it left there.) I don’t ride it home, because it’s too small, I hate cycling, and I’m happy pushing. But almost every man I pass makes the same joke along the lines of “You should be on that love.” 🙄 They’re desperate for female attention it’s so pathetic. No women make comments…

Best response is to ignore it.

It's just banter. Chill. They'd say it to a man too, I'm sure.

Telling them to fuck off and calling them bell ends is a ridiculous, confrontational reaction.

At least it's a random stranger in your case. DH and I hired a tandem on holiday 10 years ago. We had a great day, seeing loads of sights but ever since then, DH has told everyone we meet about how he did all the work while I sat back with my feet up, enjoying the view.

It infuriates me beyond belief because I was working bloody hard, as OP saiad, pedalling my arse off, but of course everyone he falls about laughing when he tells the story.

DH is a keen and regular cyclist and I am very fair weather and not quite so confident. Even I know though that the reason it felt like such hard work for him was because he was steering more weight than normal but he genuinely doesn't believe that I was doing my bit too. We would have fallen over pretty quickly if I hadn't been doing my share of the work.

I’m obviously more aggressive than the average person because I wouldn’t be able to help shouting back “if I had £1 for every fat bastard that shouted that I would be able to afford someone to pedal for me”

I love our tandem op. I much prefer it to solo biking but yes I get that comment a lot. It's a bit tedious but I just try to ignore it!

Some people are just so boring they can think of nothing to say other than the obvious boring jokes.

Feel sorry for these people and continue enjoying your life.

Sounds fun

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I hate "banter" lolz