Can I give alcohol to this person?

[BeaAndTiscuits]

There's a young girl at my work who is 17. She will be turning 18 in 2 weeks.
Usually quite chatty, and up for a laugh but recently she has been very reserved. She's only worked with us for a few weeks and has the independent, I don't need anyone attitude.
I noticed she was quiet and asked if she was ok, she told me she was fine quite aggressively and that was it, I left it at that. Next shift she was still very reserved but I still tried to involve her in any conversations, she only gave one word answers and that was it. That evening she text me to apologise and said she had alot going on. I told her it was fine, she didn't need to apologise, but if she needed someone to talk to then she could message me any time.
A few days later she messaged saying she did need someone to talk to, so we exchanged some messages where she didn't really give alot of info but she needed to cut someone out as they were hurting her. I gave her some advice and offered some support, she said thanks and that was that. She was in today and talking about her birthday coming up, she said she doesn't care about birthdays and that she wasn't doing anything and no family to give her any gifts, she then told me she was in care. She also has an operation coming up. We talked about what she does outside of work, she didn't give much but she said she has one friend and that she'll sometimes have some drinks with her. This evening she's text again saying thank you to me for caring about her and that she doesn't have many people who care.

I wanted to get her something, to put in her locker for her birthday. It's her 18th and I feel like she's never really had anyone throughout her life, she said she likes vodka so I thought I could get her a small quarter bottle and some chocolate. Would this be inappropriate? I go on holiday on Friday, so I'd have to leave it at work for her which means she'd get it before actually turning 18. I don't know much else about her as she's a very closed book, and with only having tomorrow to get something, it's all I could think. Or any suggestions of something else I could get quickly? Thank you.

Honestly, that’s a weird gift for someone you barely know who is struggling. Get her some chocolates, some nice smelly bath stuff, flowers, nice tea, maybe a small single bottle of fizz. Vodka is just a bit odd.

Yeah, don't give her vodka

Vodka isn't a good idea.

I would definitely not be giving her vodka. Weird and very inappropriate. Some chocolates and a nice card are more than adequate.

If it's a gift she would like, then worse case, she bins it, it's a nice gesture op.

No. Bit weird to go straight in with the vodka.
Are you male OP? Skimmed back, couldn't see.
I think a card and voucher is probably more appropriate at the moment with maybe a little cake.

Get a gift, forget the vodka - get her that for Xmas if you know her better by then! X

It's inappropriate.

She is a vulnerable young woman who has social and emotional problems.

The last thing I would give her is vodka.

You also sound over invested.

Worst case is that she gets pissed and maudlin on her 18th alone and does something 'silly'.

Yeah I thought it was maybe inappropriate, that's why I asked. Sorry I thought I'd wrote in the original post, she had said that with her friend she likes to go and "chill with her and have a couple of vodkas". I'm shit at gift giving, but I also hate buying gifts that are meaningless. I know vodka isn't like a great gift, but it's just because she said that's what she drinks.

Absolutely.

Good God!

You wrote all that private info about her on a public forum just to ask if you should get her some booze for her birthday?

Have a word with yourself OP. Over invested doesn't even cut it 😤

I just wanted to do something nice for someone who's having a hard time. In hindsight alcohol was probably stupid to think of, it's just since finishing my shift I've been thinking about it. I thought it was sad that she's never really celebrated her birthday, and I always prefer to get something someone likes. But I'll just get a card on some chocolates. I over think things alot and didn't want her to feel like I've just got her something easy out of pity or something, if that makes.sense. she probably wouldn't but I'm probably just over thinking it

I dont think over invested. You maybe older, but this stuff is how we make friends. And she sounds like she needs someone right now.
Maybe not vodka. Some smellies maybe?
I'm sure she'd really appreciate the thought.

I don't know much else about her as she's a very closed book

Thank fuck because I dread to think what else you'd plaster all over the internet about her.

Ok sorry, i wouldn't say over invested. Just wanted to do something nice. I gave the background because I felt like maybe that was helpful to the situation, I guess deep down I knew that was a shit gift idea and clearly it is.

I have issues with some social norms, so something have to check things. I just wanted to cheer someone up who's obviously had a hard life. I'll maybe just forget the whole thing and not bother getting her anything then. Was just meant to be a nice gesture but by the sounds of some people's reactions it might be taken the wrong way.

Relieved you can see now that vodka is a bad idea. She sounds very vulnerable. Give her something that can’t cause her any harm or put her at risk. A cactus, a gift card, nice coffee, an 18th birthday card with a nice badge. Everyone loves a card with a badge.

I also would be careful of how you manage your relationship with her and don’t offer, or appear to offer more than you can actually give and sustain. Being cared about is a powerful drug and she sounds very lonely.

You sound like a kind person…. I wouldn’t go overboard with the gift but you could get her a couple of little vodka miniatures and then wrap them in a small cellophane bag and tie with a ribbon. You could maybe stick a couple of small snack items along with them in a gift bag. That would be a treat but not something that she’s going to make herself Ill with.

I'll maybe just forget the whole thing and not bother getting her anything then.

That's what you're taking away from this thread when most people have said get her something other than vodka?

I also would be careful of how you manage your relationship with her and don’t offer, or appear to offer more than you can actually give and sustain. Being cared about is a powerful drug and she sounds very lonely.

A million times this. Op, you are her coworker, not a friend, and definitely not her therapist. You need to slow this down and step back a bit.

@MustardCress yeah it was just a first thought but not the best.
I get what you mean, I wouldn't let it go too far or anything, i don't text her for anything I just listen and offer some chat if she texts. Maybe I'll skip the gift altogether, don't want to come across as being over invested and make a bad situation then.

Thanks for the advice.

Why does Op sound over invested?!
I read the OP and thought you sound lovely, wanting to do something nice for someone - seriously, some people on here 🙄
I know she said she likes vodka but I don't think maybe that's appropriate? She's still technically underage, in a vulnerable position being in care to boot.
I think it's a lovely idea to get her a present though.
Bit hard when you don't really know what she likes it allergies etc though (smellies or chocolates etc)
how about voucher for a meal somewhere she could go to with the friend she has occasional drinks with?
Or a nice glass with 18 on it, or a charm or something like that

@TeapotTitties I just didn't want to come across to her as over invested and then creating a bit of a tricky situation as someone had said? I get it,.it was a shit idea, maybe I'll just drop a card in and get a couple of people to sign, I don't know. I'm not trying to be rude or anything,.I just had an idea because I thought it may cheer her up but realised it's not the best idea.

Personally, it would be a kind gesture of you with the gift 🎁, even if it's chocs etc. I'd at least do that,