Can I give alcohol to this person?

[BeaAndTiscuits]

There's a young girl at my work who is 17. She will be turning 18 in 2 weeks.
Usually quite chatty, and up for a laugh but recently she has been very reserved. She's only worked with us for a few weeks and has the independent, I don't need anyone attitude.
I noticed she was quiet and asked if she was ok, she told me she was fine quite aggressively and that was it, I left it at that. Next shift she was still very reserved but I still tried to involve her in any conversations, she only gave one word answers and that was it. That evening she text me to apologise and said she had alot going on. I told her it was fine, she didn't need to apologise, but if she needed someone to talk to then she could message me any time.
A few days later she messaged saying she did need someone to talk to, so we exchanged some messages where she didn't really give alot of info but she needed to cut someone out as they were hurting her. I gave her some advice and offered some support, she said thanks and that was that. She was in today and talking about her birthday coming up, she said she doesn't care about birthdays and that she wasn't doing anything and no family to give her any gifts, she then told me she was in care. She also has an operation coming up. We talked about what she does outside of work, she didn't give much but she said she has one friend and that she'll sometimes have some drinks with her. This evening she's text again saying thank you to me for caring about her and that she doesn't have many people who care.

I wanted to get her something, to put in her locker for her birthday. It's her 18th and I feel like she's never really had anyone throughout her life, she said she likes vodka so I thought I could get her a small quarter bottle and some chocolate. Would this be inappropriate? I go on holiday on Friday, so I'd have to leave it at work for her which means she'd get it before actually turning 18. I don't know much else about her as she's a very closed book, and with only having tomorrow to get something, it's all I could think. Or any suggestions of something else I could get quickly? Thank you.

Bloody hell, there were some unnecessary comments on here during the night!

@BeaAndTiscuits you sound lovely and kind and certainly not over-invested 🙄
I sometimes think MN is a parallel universe to the one I live in.

As others have said, give a card and a small gift. Maybe ask the rest of the office to sign it too. It'll probably make her day.

Don’t give her vodka. Give her some nice chocolates.

And also, you’re being very kind and thoughtful. Not overinvested as some PP say. Just a kind human being.

Play it safe with a non alcohol present I think.

I agree, no vodka! More than inappropriate, it could lead to further problems.

Just a card from you and your work colleagues sounds so much better.

She seems quite introverted, I don’t get the impression she’ll be sharing the vodka with friends so it seems inappropriate to encourage alone-drinking.
how about a bubble tea kit? From the mass of young adults spilling out of my nearest bubble tea place it feels like it might land?

Vodka, for a young person in care, just isn't appropriate.

You are kind to think about getting her a gift, but maybe some nice shower gel, a bit of pretty jewellery, or a gift voucher would be a better option.

Yes, and that would be a representation of people having better boundaries and knowing how to uphold them for themselves.

OP asked for advice re a boundary and I'm questioning why they're lacking in conviction to make their own boundaries.

Why are you vetting that?

It could be seen as grooming, especially if you are male.

I'll probably get jumped on for this (a lot of cool mums on this thread) but it is what we are taught in safeguarding.

Also, you seem to be evading the question of whether you are male. It’s relevant unfortunately, because an older male buying a young teenage girl a bottle of vodka could clearly cause all sorts of issues

@Derbee sorry, not evading, just forgot to reply. I'm female, late thirties and also a parent. I just felt a shame for her never having someone who made a fuss of her on her birthday and as it was an 18th I thought it would be nice. Usually in my family we'd give a small bottle of alcohol as an 18th gift. I had thought it was maybe inappropriate as she'd only be 17 at the time of handing over, I wasn't going to say it was from me, just place in her locker. But after reading many perspectives on the situation I realise now that was a stupid first thought.

@BeaAndTiscuits ah ok. Not a stupid thought, just maybe not thought through too well. But the concept of marking her birthday and letting her know people care is still a nice idea, and you sound very kind!

As awful as it sounds, I’d be wary of becoming this girl’s emotional crutch. It’s hard work being that for someone and not everyone has the time or emotional capacity

What’s the usual thing for milestone birthdays at your work?
Id have a word with your colleagues and send a card round, and give her a cake. You could do her a little gift bag with chocolate, voucher, etc if you wanted to do something extra. Or those chocolate bouquets go down really well with the older teens I know.

Its really kind to want to spoil her a little bit.

Colin the Caterpillar is the man for the job here! The youngsters love him and it sounds like she’s probably missed out.