Can I give alcohol to this person?

[BeaAndTiscuits]

There's a young girl at my work who is 17. She will be turning 18 in 2 weeks.
Usually quite chatty, and up for a laugh but recently she has been very reserved. She's only worked with us for a few weeks and has the independent, I don't need anyone attitude.
I noticed she was quiet and asked if she was ok, she told me she was fine quite aggressively and that was it, I left it at that. Next shift she was still very reserved but I still tried to involve her in any conversations, she only gave one word answers and that was it. That evening she text me to apologise and said she had alot going on. I told her it was fine, she didn't need to apologise, but if she needed someone to talk to then she could message me any time.
A few days later she messaged saying she did need someone to talk to, so we exchanged some messages where she didn't really give alot of info but she needed to cut someone out as they were hurting her. I gave her some advice and offered some support, she said thanks and that was that. She was in today and talking about her birthday coming up, she said she doesn't care about birthdays and that she wasn't doing anything and no family to give her any gifts, she then told me she was in care. She also has an operation coming up. We talked about what she does outside of work, she didn't give much but she said she has one friend and that she'll sometimes have some drinks with her. This evening she's text again saying thank you to me for caring about her and that she doesn't have many people who care.

I wanted to get her something, to put in her locker for her birthday. It's her 18th and I feel like she's never really had anyone throughout her life, she said she likes vodka so I thought I could get her a small quarter bottle and some chocolate. Would this be inappropriate? I go on holiday on Friday, so I'd have to leave it at work for her which means she'd get it before actually turning 18. I don't know much else about her as she's a very closed book, and with only having tomorrow to get something, it's all I could think. Or any suggestions of something else I could get quickly? Thank you.

As it's a special birthday for her could you not get everyone to sign a card and donate to some nice flowers?

As older colleagues, I think you have a duty to be responsible and sensible. This does not include giving alcohol to any 17 year old, but especially one in care who appears vulnerable

Card from the office (with an 18 badge), plus flowers, box of chocolates for her or cakes / doughnuts to share in the office

Don't spend too much. It should just be a small token

I’d be very, very careful around this one, OP. You sound lovely, but she is 17, damaged, and, without wanting to sound like a suspicious grump, people can turn. If you do something to offend or upset her later, or if you have to report her behaviour, then this could come back to bite you. I know you want to support her, but you could get sucked into a relationship that becomes toxic.
You also don’t want to be the rescuer. It’s not your job but she could very slowly make it seem like it is.

She’s 17, she’s vulnerable and she’s using alcohol to relax. Don’t encourage this by providing her with more alcohol!

No - DO get her something! Just not something big or alcoholic!
A PP mentioned a cactus - that’s perfect.

Just managed to respond to my own reply, ffs.

i think a card and a cake would be perfect. You sound kind and thoughtful, not over invested at all.

Op you sound caring not over invested please don’t back away from this girl completely she’s found a friend in you.

You can keep it low key but supportive.
It sounds like she would appreciate someone thinking of her on her birthday so a card, smellies or chocolates would probably be enough of a kind gesture to someone having a shit time.

Are you older and male?

Some people definitely just use this forum to be nasty to people too. FFS.

Chocolates is fine, don't get bath things, she may only have a shower

I think you sound lovely. Btw ignore the naysayers

No alcohol, just some.chocs and bath pampering stuff.or a gift card. It's nice that you care and it's a shame that there are so many (predictable) unpleasant comments on mumsnet.
Just let her know your are there if she needs someone , but stay in the background IYGWIM

Alcohol is a traditional 18th birthday present , all my kids and friends got given it for presents when they turned 18. So I think it would be fine, but give it her once she's 18 and at the end of work.

This would be a good.idea.

I think a gift is a nice gesture, i think you’ve been absolutely lovely towards her.

id try not to get too involved though.

however, speaking of gifts how about a Lush gift set? They are beautifully presented and smell lovely.

In my work place we'd do gifts for milestone birthdays and usually those that know a colleague fairly well chip in. Nothing over invested about it. Why not see if other staff members want to chip in? Get her a voucher for a shop that seeks the type of clothes she wears, or for a salon, some nice chocolates and some self care stuff. It's a lovely idea .

Strange response. A huge proportion of posts on here are people giving anonymous details of other people. In a lot of topics it's pretty much the point of them ...

To add to my first post giving a gift from the team rather than just from you will save any risk of her thinking you're too over invested if that's what you're worried about after some of the responses on this post.

I think a card and chocolates is really nice. If she is growing up in care she probably hasn't had much for birthdays and if she is turning 18 that would be really nice of you. Did people hear see the thread yesterday where a GP had really helped a young girl and she wanted to write to her and thank her. This thread is reminding me of that. I think you are doing a nice thing OP.

Why not ask if the others at work want to club together for a gift card since it's a special birthday?

If she's in care and got noone, having a tough time getting something from someone on her 18th is going to mean loads. Its a great instinct. Don't give up on the idea entirely. A card is a bit rubbish. Especially as your willing to spend something in this girl. Something to keep, the cheap card shops have loads of fairly cheap (maybe naff to some) 18th gif things, something, even a Teddy holding an 18 that hers and she can hold to say somebody cared about me on my 18th could be massively significant in her life. Care leavers have a tough time becoming adults. Do get her something

Christ from some of these comments you'd think op offered to main line heroin into the girls eyeball. Calm the fuck down for Christs sake.

Op, it's a lovely gesture. I would do a card, one of those individual mini bday cakes you can get, and a mini Prosecco or champagne as it's her 18th, maybe a candle or something depending on your budget.
This young girl has no one and is alone, you sound like a really caring person. Please ignore everyone who are trying to make you feel like shit for no reason.

Spot on with every comment @ladydimitrescu 🙌

Anyone would think you were the only person to give any details about someone on here… good lord you’ve had some nasty comments.

If you’re buying alcohol I’d buy one of those one glass sized bottles of Prosecco. And some flowers. Just shows you’re thinking of them but it’s not too much.