For considering if I’ve royally fucked up with my life choices?

[Tiredasamf]

Currently in the supermarket car park doing an evening emergency formula dash having a slight breakdown about my life choices. Let me say one thing before I say anything else - I love my children dearly. They really are the light of my life (cringe) and the best little people in the world.

However. I’m so sick of mum life.

I have 4 children, my eldest is 4 nearly 5, my youngest is 6 months. My husband and I are both self employed, but his work means he’s out of the house most days meanwhile I’m trying to work from home with the children.

2 eldest are at school/nursery. 2 youngest are at home with me 24/7.

I’m just so sick of it. I’m sick of the crying, there’s always someone crying.

Sick of the tantrums and screaming and bickering

Sick of the school run

Sick of having to lug 2-4 babies/children out with me everywhere I go, in and out of car seats and pushchairs even if it’s just to pop to the shop.

Sick of getting no sleep, I never get more than 2 hours in a row without someone waking up.

Sick of being needed ALL THE TIME

Sick of being pulled at and climbed on and touched all the time

Sick of being moaned at for every thing I do. It’s never enough or right!

Sick of having to put everyone above myself every minute of every day

Most of the people I went to school with don’t have kids yet, and I look at them and sometimes I’m so jealous. I see them going about their day, run into them in town and they’re so chill. They can do what they like. They don’t have to think of feed timings and bed time routines and babysitters and homework

I just want to be able to sit on the sofa without 3 children piling on me, pulling my hair and asking me a hundred questions a minute.

I want to watch a tv programme without having to tend to a crying baby every 10 minutes

I want to be able to go out of the house without taking most of the contents of it with me

I want to be able to have sex with my husband without it being a quickie or interrupted by children

I want to not be needed.

I know this was my life choice and I’m not looking for sympathy.

I do all the mum stuff and I do it well, we go out every day, we go to soft plays, playgroups, parks, days out. We do activities, we smile. People always compliment my coping with it all, but the reality is I’m not coping and I’m not enjoying it.

am I the only one who feels this way? Will it get better? I feel like I’m right back at the start again with the baby, and having 4 so young is SO draining and non stop, it’s like a conveyor belt of children who need something or are moaning about something one by one.

I don’t know what I want from this thread but I needed to vent. Please be kind and don’t comment if you’re going to make me feel like a terrible mother

Fucking hell, you have 4 DC under 5 and you're working?? You deserve a very long nap and a very big drink. Seriously, if someone in your situation isn't allowed to have the odd moment where they stare into the abyss and think "what have I done??" then there's no hope for the rest of us! Loving your DC and being a good Mum doesn't mean you have to waft through life feeling #blessed and #thankful all the time. You can adore your DC with every fibre of your being and still admit that sometimes it's a boring, exhausting, thankless slog.

If it makes you feel any better, I've only got 2 and work part time and although they're wonderful and I'd die for them in a heartbeat, sometimes I still have a to lock myself in the bathroom and fantasise about running away and starting a new life on my own in a city where no one knows me.

I wouldn't be without them but I do occasionally miss the freedom and spontaneity of my pre-DC life. That doesn't make me a bad Mum. My DC are loved and well cared for, just not by a robot who exists purely to serve. I'm not just their Mum. I'm a person with my own needs and feelings, and sometimes they're complicated which I refuse to feel guilty about because fuck knows, there's enough to feel guilty about already when it comes to parenting!

Oh and ignore the usual sanctimonious bleating about how many kids you've got and "what did you expect??" We all make our choices in life and yes, you chose a big family, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel tired or find life difficult from time to time. You can want something desperately, go into it with your eyes wide open and still have rough days so don't let them get to you.

💐🍰🍹

@gotelltheoldmandowntheroad I’m confused sorry, are you referring to me not staying at home to look after the children? Because I do..

I’m a stay at home mum, I have a small business that I do from home when I can around looking after the children. 2 eldest children are in school/nursery and the 2 youngest are at home with me.

I’ve been a stay at home mum for 5 years, so yes I can do it and have done it but honestly I needed something else to focus on sometimes and the timing of starting the business now makes sense in a lot of ways that I don’t want to delve into as it would probably give away my identity if anyone on here knows me!

@neverbeenskiing

THIS

thank you. Took the words right out of my mouth that my brain can’t even function enough to articulate 😂

I don't think a single woman alive wouldn't feel like this with 4 children under 5. I imagine this is your hardest phase

That's why most sensible women wouldn't even consider having 4 under 5

You deserve a medal

You say you are not coping but I think you are doing amazingly well

Try not to fall into comparison with childfree others - you have no idea of their struggles

Get away for a spa night for a couple of nights

Think of it like this - when your children are grown-up and independent, you will be young enough to do all this things you currently see your peers doing unencumbered, while they may well be where you are now. That old adage "this too shall pass" is appropriate here.

You're honestly amazing! I struggled with the early years too. The relentless, ongoing struggle of raising small people that only care about their own little needs is so much more heavy to carry than I would have ever imagined. The plus side is once schools are back you'll get a little piece of down time back and before you know it they'll all be off. Don't feel guilty if you need to resort to screen time the truth is we all have to find ways to keep all the plates spinning! You sound like a wonderful mummy xx

Bless you OP, I couldn't have managed 4 little ones at once. You're a saint!

I don’t get this sentiment.
You sound like a great mum, OP, no doubt.
But what you’ve described is the precise reason many women would not have four kids, never mind four in fairly quick succession.
You create the weather, then stand there going ‘oh shit, it’s raining…’
You made your bed and all that.
I have sympathy. But it’s extremely limited.

Surely the idea of having small DC to look after and love is many peoples dream .However when it comes to the rub its very hard going! I think some people here are being unfair to OP .She is telling us how she feels ATM! When they are older it will be less frenetic for you .They will be just starting out and at an older age!

When i had 2 under 2 , the local college organised for a nursery nurse student to visit us. Your local.collage may do the same?its free.

"I want to have sex with my husband without it being a quickie"
That made me laugh!!!

And the rest of the list - if you feel like that why did you have 4 kids, especially so quickly??

With all due respect this is how your in this situation now 😂 another child is not what you need

4 under 5 is just such hardwork for anyone you sound exhausted and burnt out - you need proper childcare while your working to allow time to focus

I also had 4 in 5 years too. Youngest now 5. We feel like we are out of the woods a bit now and things are getting easier. For instance this last few months we can actually go to walk the dog where everyone walks and no one wants to be carried and believe me that seemed like it would never happen at some points! We even all go to the cinema together too now and when we go to soft play we have a cup of tea and watch them rather than climbing around after them.
You will get there, and it will happen all of a sudden so that it will occur to you out
of nowwhere that it never felt possible once upon a time.
Totally understand where you are coming from. Be kind to yourself xxx