For considering if I’ve royally fucked up with my life choices?

[Tiredasamf]

Currently in the supermarket car park doing an evening emergency formula dash having a slight breakdown about my life choices. Let me say one thing before I say anything else - I love my children dearly. They really are the light of my life (cringe) and the best little people in the world.

However. I’m so sick of mum life.

I have 4 children, my eldest is 4 nearly 5, my youngest is 6 months. My husband and I are both self employed, but his work means he’s out of the house most days meanwhile I’m trying to work from home with the children.

2 eldest are at school/nursery. 2 youngest are at home with me 24/7.

I’m just so sick of it. I’m sick of the crying, there’s always someone crying.

Sick of the tantrums and screaming and bickering

Sick of the school run

Sick of having to lug 2-4 babies/children out with me everywhere I go, in and out of car seats and pushchairs even if it’s just to pop to the shop.

Sick of getting no sleep, I never get more than 2 hours in a row without someone waking up.

Sick of being needed ALL THE TIME

Sick of being pulled at and climbed on and touched all the time

Sick of being moaned at for every thing I do. It’s never enough or right!

Sick of having to put everyone above myself every minute of every day

Most of the people I went to school with don’t have kids yet, and I look at them and sometimes I’m so jealous. I see them going about their day, run into them in town and they’re so chill. They can do what they like. They don’t have to think of feed timings and bed time routines and babysitters and homework

I just want to be able to sit on the sofa without 3 children piling on me, pulling my hair and asking me a hundred questions a minute.

I want to watch a tv programme without having to tend to a crying baby every 10 minutes

I want to be able to go out of the house without taking most of the contents of it with me

I want to be able to have sex with my husband without it being a quickie or interrupted by children

I want to not be needed.

I know this was my life choice and I’m not looking for sympathy.

I do all the mum stuff and I do it well, we go out every day, we go to soft plays, playgroups, parks, days out. We do activities, we smile. People always compliment my coping with it all, but the reality is I’m not coping and I’m not enjoying it.

am I the only one who feels this way? Will it get better? I feel like I’m right back at the start again with the baby, and having 4 so young is SO draining and non stop, it’s like a conveyor belt of children who need something or are moaning about something one by one.

I don’t know what I want from this thread but I needed to vent. Please be kind and don’t comment if you’re going to make me feel like a terrible mother

Get a bit of time for yourself at least some evenings and don’t feel guilty. They will be with their dad!
Get them out every day and get plenty of running around done by the older ones. Then home for quieter activities. Stop the moaning by the older ones - they are old enough to understand that they won’t get what they want that way.
Im not sure when you squeeze the business in though. I got research done when mine were little but I only ever had one small one at a time!
Most things look worse after a tough day. Hope today will be easier!

"knowing" what its like with four close together and living it are two different things in my experience!

It does get better - trying to build a business/retrain/grow a career with four young kids is really tough, especially when money is tight - it is also exhausting.

If you can try and find even small windows where you can get some time out for yourself and some time as a couple it can make a surprising difference. Babysitting/childcare isn't cheap but if you have no handy family to help out make this a priority in family spending - you will all benefit from it.

Once they are all at primary you get a bit of a breather until they are all teens. Then suddenly they are all adults managing their own lives and relationships and you realise all the hard years of graft were worthwhile.

Even without the youngest that's still 3 very young children. Not judging you Op but you and other posters speak very much as if having multiple children just happened and you kept inexplicably finding yourself pregnant. You didn't, you had a choice. You say you're jealous of your child free friends but they too made a choice. You chose to have multiple children in quick succession they chose not to. No point being jealous. You just have to power through until your children are older.

@Bbq1 apart from the last baby who decided to be the 0.01% that snuck through the contraception 😂

but yes I know what you mean. Jealous may be the wrong word, just see the freedom that they have and wish I could have a bit of it sometimes!

@Bbq1 just re-read your comment and realised you’d replied to that information anyway 🤣

You are really very inspiring you know.

I have one nearly 18yo, an elderly widowed mum who needs a fair bit of support, 2 cats and have just started my own business.

I am tearing my hear out most days trying to juggle them, housework and my hobby (which also has potential to be an income stream).

You have got 4 kids under 5, are running your own business with two of them at home, and you still mention wishing you had time to enjoy sex?! I can't even be arsed to fire up Tinder!

You, missus, are a legend!

Also I apparently can't tell the difference between hear and hair

Ffs 🙄...off to get more coffee!

OP your are strong woman who’s giving her dc the most amazing life.
It may not feel like it, but you are.

Do you get any down time? Any hobbies, any time for fitness?
I understand it’s not easy with 4 young dc, but it’s crucial to fit it in and it will make the world of difference to you.

I think you need to be realistic with how you pictured family life. With that many small children and no extra help they will either need to live a fairly free range lifestyle or you will have to accept there will be very little time left over for yourself. It will hopefully get easier as they get older though.

You're definitely not the only one. I find being a mum incredibly boring despite loving my DC more than any other humans I've ever met. I'm quite jealous of my friends who decided to stay child free.

Vent away, but these were your life choices.

Knock mum guilt on the head - an evening walk is NOT something to be feel even remotely guilty for, ffs!

You're in the eye of the storm with their ages and it will pass. When they're all quite a bit older you almost certainly won't feel these kind of regrets. It's good that you're still thinking about your business even if it's impractical right now.

That said, I do hope others who want loads of children read threads such as this and think 'can I actually handle it'. The reality of that much plate-spinning is hard to comprehend.

I can't imagine having more than one young child because I can just about cope with one. It seems almost impossible. And you're working too? With such a big family and such huge responsibilities for those children and your own mental health, why are you working?

Your husband wanted four children he needs a stay at home parent and he needs to fund that. It's him being irresponsible, not you.

I have 4 as well but over 7 years. They are older now, but it was manic in the early years.

It’s so worth it. My DC love being part of a big family and are so nostalgic for their childhood.

sounds like you are doing fabulously. You just need a bit of a break. Things will honestly get better all the time.

@SleeplessInEngland me too. Like I said I love my kids, don’t regret them and we do have amazing times together.

but I agree it’s a huge task to take on and needs thought before jumping in.

YANBU to think that

Tbh I would think you had fucked up your life choices if I were your friend irl.

4 under 5 is a lot, I'm taking it you're young too.

Good luck, you will need it

@gotelltheoldmandowntheroad he’s not irresponsible, he works harder than anyone I know and supports us very well. In fact he’s always looking for more that he can do.
the reality is childcare costs are extortionate and I don’t think many families could pay to put two babies in full time nursery and pay for before and after school clubs without help or family members/grandparents who can take on some hours of childcare

Yes yes yes!
However I'm a single mother with 2 kids and not a penny to my name to take them anywhere. I cry most days.
Sending you a hug because that's all I can offer

Jesus four kids under 5! <faints>

I think you have to lower your expectations tbh. Accept that the early years are going to be a slog, don’t expect to enjoy them especially (except moments here and there of course) but remember it will get better and be worth it once they are older.

Honestly, I don't think anyone can guarantee it will get easier (especially as you''ll have 8 years straight where one kid will be doing GCSEs or Levels or both- I've got 4 years of it and that's bad enough) but I think the important thing is to own the choice of having 4 children close together and your reasons for doing it.I have a friend who is an amazing ultra runner and she said that when its 3am and she'd dry heaving her way round Mont Blanc with 50k to go she literally says "I choose this" out loud and it gives her a feeling of not being out of control/ wallowing in self pity but relishing the challenge. I tried it on my own races and it made a massive difference. The mental game is most of it.

That’s a lot of kids! Can anyone give you a bit of a break?

I don’t like children and am not maternal so don’t have any, but you obviously did at some point.

Think of all the lovely times you’ll have when they’re older- like a big family Christmas etc (which even I admit sounds delightful!), and most of all, please don’t be too hard on yourself. 💐

What choices is it that you regret?
Is it the number of children that you have or is it other stuff?

Of course not and why would you go to work so you can pay a nursery so you can go to work?

can you really not stay at home and look after the four children? Do you like your work that much?

I'm sorry op. I've done loads of supermarket crying before.