to think residential areas and homes are not meant to be offices?

[MossOwl]

Inspired by the thread where the poster whose neighbour had a very important job and was in very important meetings all day and please could she keep her kids out there own garden, outrageous if you ask me!

I think there is a problem with homes and residential areas being turned into offices. My husband also has a very important job with important meetings and I am expected to go about the house not making any noise, I can't hoover or run the washing machine even watching TV is out of bounds. He also complains about neighbours cutting their grass or getting noisy work done to their homes and even the noise of kids playing out. I tell him to go into the office but he hates the 45 min commute and says he prefers working at home at the kitchen table as opposed to going into the office.

Another neighbour has also complained about the noise from their neighbours during the day, during the school holidays, their neighbours have three kids and they have the garden set up with a trampoline, paddling pool and swings which can be noisy but what else are kids supposed to be doing in the summer?

When other neighbours were on holiday they were out in the garden and were playing some music it was kind of loud but they don't play it all year round they were just trying to enjoy a staycation and they got people shouting to keep the noise down as they were working.

I've told my husband that if he wants to keep working from home and not get disturbed then we will have to move to an area with less neighbours where he can have his own office cabin in the garden. During lockdowns and the pandemic we all made the best of it but now office workers do have a choice to go back but many would rather still work at home and expect their families and neighbours to tiptoe around them.

AIBU to think that homes and residential areas are not really suitable to be offices?

Why not?

My DH works from home, he changed jobs during the pandemic and his new company are 100% remote. He travels every couple of weeks to various destinations for 1/2 days but otherwise is always at home. Using partly a garage conversion we have a WFH space for him. Up until February I was also WFH (covid related) but now I am on maternity leave with DD and we have an older child. I worked, I do washing, I have my DM round, I have other child there after school deliveries, oven cleaning etc. DH has a big job, lots of money, manages lots of people, international team, several time zones, endless zoom calls, Americans who don't understand how other countries operate etc etc. We have neighbours who come and go kids walking past on school run, dog walkers. However none of these things are a problem because he's not a massive twat who thinks the world revolves around his convenience.

To be honest the only problem we have is we live near a lot of dog owners and I'll be honest I am fed up with listening to other people's dogs bark almost constantly (and some days it's never ending) but that's what can happen when you live near other people.

Yep, DH has 4 monitors. He's in software development. Some jobs need it!

The issue here though, is that the OP's dh is choosing to work from home, and then trying to dictate how other use their home and trying to restrict what they can do.
Unlike some other people who are posting, he doesn't have to wfh. He is just being a twat.

The poster talking about people running beauty salons from home is completely different - that changes the use of your property, and changes your home insurance etc. Someone working at home from a desk, without customers / clients coming into your home is different.

I wfh most of the time now; we’ve had building works going on for the last couple of months, we live by a railway and a main road so it’s noisy.

I use noise- cancelling headphones for meetings and for recording audio narrative for presentations, and guess what? Both the meetings and the recordings Do. Not. Pick. Up. Any. Of. The. Background. Noise!
You have a “D” H problem, I’m afraid…

A question about noise cancelling headphones, I don't think he has these, if he get them and I have a washing on in the kitchen where he is working, will the noise of the machine spinning affect those he is in meetings with being able to hear

they probably won't be OK becasue DH sound like a delicate litte flower🙄
they would cancel the noise I think - people on the meeting hear what comes through the mike of the headset - so would probably pick up a close by vacuum, but not so much a distant washing machine.
DH shold look for some kind of folding desk/table and work from a bedroom, not plonk himself in the middle of the house.

Personally don't like headphones - find them uncomfy on my ears, but maybe my head is to big or I've not found the right headphones.

www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/interiors/g34599227/best-folding-desks/

Can't do washing early, can't do washing during the day, can't cook or prep food, can't watch tv.

Fuck that and back to the office for him!

45 min commute each way? Perfect another 1.30hrs he's not home whinging!

It's not so much that residential homes aren't suitable to be offices, it's more that people like your husband aren't suitable to work from home

This.

I WFH 90% of the time. Yes I can hear children playing, sometimes music, talk in gardens etc but I don't expect neighbours to be silent for me. & I certainly wouldn't put up with your H's behaviour ie expecting silence. It's your home too, not just his. & he shouldnt be working at kitchen table either

Buy him noise cancelling headphones and if he doesn't use them then sorry, he IS a knob. He needs to go back to the office, whats a 45 minute commute fgs? Less than an hour and he can't be asked. Nonsense.

Not vacuuming during office hours..... don't be ridiculous!

Firstly I have a cleaner who works school hours and secondly I don't want to vacuum in the evening if at all possible! Is only do that for emergency spills etc.

If it would be unusual for a neighbour to impact you, that would rather suggest that any wfh they do doesn't affect you either. Really this is all about assumptions. Someone who insists on others modifying their behaviour to wfh is going to have a negative effect. Someone who sits in a space out of the way of the main living area and uses noise cancelling headphones or similar isn't going to.

It is quite interesting the way in which people tend to think the misbehaviours of some individuals engaging in wfh is a problem for the whole wfh concept in a way that was never the case in physical workplaces too. There have always been people who found offices suffocating, for example, but there never seemed to be much said about this pre March 2020.

A question about noise cancelling headphones, I don't think he has these, if he get them and I have a washing on in the kitchen where he is working, will the noise of the machine spinning affect those he is in meetings with being able to hear

I have an ordinary headset, not a noise cancelling one. It cuts out most background noise to my ears, and afaik the only thing colleagues could hear was if my dog was in the office with me and barked, or if the phone rings.

Some people just don't like wearing headsets, I suppose.

We quite literally live on a building site (new build property) and we’ve got no problem with the noise. We can hear builders and large scale machinery all day. Everyone has different tolerance levels I guess.

DH backs onto the utility, even with the washer, dryer and builders next door he had no problems with meetings with his headphones on

His firm pay for Jabra headsets, both DC have Bose QC headsets if that’s any help

It’s time for a proper sit down meeting with your DH OP, about the whole WFH situation. Yes okay, long term the solution is to move somewhere more suitable but that doesn’t mean you should just accept how it doesn’t work now without looking into some workable shorter term solutions.

That it’s not working for you needs to be underlined strongly. He’s noticed it’s not working for you but has made it about him (surprise!!) by saying he’s missing you in the evenings!

Solutions have been suggested here:
• noise cancelling headphones
• earplugs for sleeping in (if he must)
• ready meals
• a fold up desk to put in a bedroom
• a stand that supports two monitors
• a backdrop of some sort
• a garden office

It's choices and consequences time OP! Wounded looks are not an acceptable get out clause here. If he can’t agree on significant compromises then the only realistic consequence is hybrid working with him going back to the office a few days a week.

What also needs sorting is:
• what he’s doing with his saved commute time
• his intrusive behaviour when you’re WFH
• his missing you in the evenings
• his contribution to the housework

Write it out as an agenda if that’s what he responds to. That way you can tick it off as you go and not forget anything.

As a basic, surely the extra 7&1/2hrs he saves each week from not commuting, could also be used to do some of his share of the household chores especially if he starts winding down in the afternoon. Every time he interrupts perhaps ask him to do something. That might stop him intruding.

The money he is saving by not commuting could be used to make your life easier perhaps or to fund a garden office, proper noise cancelling headphones, a fold up desk with a stand for his monitors, etc.

I wish you luck OP, I worked very happily from home for 16yrs, my DH also WFH for the last 3 of those years. You however are describing an intolerable situation with, it has to be said, an intolerant man.