to think residential areas and homes are not meant to be offices?

[MossOwl]

Inspired by the thread where the poster whose neighbour had a very important job and was in very important meetings all day and please could she keep her kids out there own garden, outrageous if you ask me!

I think there is a problem with homes and residential areas being turned into offices. My husband also has a very important job with important meetings and I am expected to go about the house not making any noise, I can't hoover or run the washing machine even watching TV is out of bounds. He also complains about neighbours cutting their grass or getting noisy work done to their homes and even the noise of kids playing out. I tell him to go into the office but he hates the 45 min commute and says he prefers working at home at the kitchen table as opposed to going into the office.

Another neighbour has also complained about the noise from their neighbours during the day, during the school holidays, their neighbours have three kids and they have the garden set up with a trampoline, paddling pool and swings which can be noisy but what else are kids supposed to be doing in the summer?

When other neighbours were on holiday they were out in the garden and were playing some music it was kind of loud but they don't play it all year round they were just trying to enjoy a staycation and they got people shouting to keep the noise down as they were working.

I've told my husband that if he wants to keep working from home and not get disturbed then we will have to move to an area with less neighbours where he can have his own office cabin in the garden. During lockdowns and the pandemic we all made the best of it but now office workers do have a choice to go back but many would rather still work at home and expect their families and neighbours to tiptoe around them.

AIBU to think that homes and residential areas are not really suitable to be offices?

I am also amazed at how people seem to need silence to work in at home but most offices I have worked in have a certain level of noise and sometimes get disturbance from work men etc so an office is not always the most peaceful environment.

This. When I was working I had to put up with people standing talking next to my desk for ages, people having uproarious laughs across the room, unattended mobiles going off all the time, really loud typers, construction site outside, all sorts.

OP your husband is a selfish twat. If he doesn't want you in the kitchen in the daytime then he needs to not make a fuss about you putting the washing on early, and tough if the spinning waked him.

I don't believe there is nowhere else in the house he can work. Until we moved recently I was in my bedroom at a compact desk in the corner. I also have two monitors, but I worked a way to squeeze a desk somewhere that the rest of my family weren't needing to use. Your husband has the choice of an office, I didn't. There is no way I would be tiptoeing around in my own home like you are.

This does seem to be mostly poor communication. I work from home and have been absolutely fine, my team understands that sometimes there will be background noise (it's a heatwave, I'm working from the coldest room in the house), my husband gets notice that I have something I can't be disturbed on and then doesn't, and my neighbours and I give each other notice when we have a few hours here and there where being a bit quieter would be really helpful. It all works because we've all done what we can to minimise the impact on others.

This is much more a husband and logistics of your family issue that a WFH issue. He wants silence and no disturbances - but also to sit at the kitchen table while you and the kids are at home. That’s just an unreasonable position, and he doesn’t get to blame you for disturbing him by making lunch or vacuuming.

It’s like going to a softplay to have a work meeting and complaining the place is full of shrieking children and other people doing their own things. He either needs to accept that he will be disturbed at the kitchen table or go somewhere he won’t be disturbed. He doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it too.

Working from home can work really well as long as you’re not an entitled dick about it.

I did it for a few years before my baby was born and managed never to complain about normal noise from outside.

My DH works from home now and doesn’t expect normal household noises to stop. If he has a particularly important meeting he will either go into the office or find a Starbucks meeting room or similar to use.

Stop letting your DH rule your life… it’s not ok that you’re expected to walk on eggshells around him.

In the last few days I've seen several posts about men with "very important jobs" being insufferable, selfish knobs.

Why on earth do we put up with that nonsense?

I'm a single mum in a male dominated industry and I'm also very senior. I work at home a lot more than I used to but certainly do not behave in the way described on the threads.

Just entitled, overly self important, dickish behaviour.

When people say they have very important jobs what do they mean by this? What does he do?

That’s a husband problem and a neighbour problem, not a WFH problem. I WFH some of the time, my husband WFH sometimes, neither of us acts as if it’s our office and tries to tell everyone in the house to be quiet. The house is no more noisy than my workplace. For Teams or Zoom calls you can blur the background or select an alternative background, you don’t have to let everyone on the call see your house. A washing machine is just normal ambient noise and he should be able to cope with it. I have no time for people who feel entitled to bring the household and family life to a stop because they’ve chosen to WFH.
The enforced WFH period during lockdown was different because people were having to improvise, but where I work, you can only WFH if you have a suitable environment - privacy to ensure confidentiality, and a reasonable office set-up (not a laptop on your knee on the sofa). If you can’t achieve that you have to work in the office. Families aren’t expected to change their lives to accommodate a homeworker.

I do agree that homes are homes and shouldn’t be expected to be quiet to accommodate office work.

However, I think there is also an issue generally that gardens, in particular, are used in a different (and noisier) way than they were a few years back. I know when I was growing up it was really only very young children that used gardens as play areas - most people didn’t have trampolines or much play equipment in the garden, hot tubs weren’t a thing, paddling pools were toddler-sized only. So the garden was for gardening and the occasional BBQ. And no one except builders played music in gardens, either. Now, it’s more an extension of living space, which does make things noisier for all concerned.

DH and I both WFH. It works v well but we live rurally with only three other houses as neighbours and they also WFH a lot of the time.

It helps that we have our own offices. DH has the study and I’m lucky enough to have a garden office. Sometimes dogs bark in the middle of calls or workmen occasionally knock on the door during presentations which is really off putting but in the main, WFH works for both of us as we both have the type of roles where we need to concentrate and the office environment is not designed for complete focus. I get so much more
done when I’m WFH compared to being at office. All in all, WFH is wonderful but only if you have the right set up.

100% - and I’ve just noticed that he’s choosing to work at the kitchen table! He’s working in the kitchen, which is obviously in use as a kitchen!
@MossOwl You’re making excuses for him. He does not have to work in the house, and if he chooses to he doesn’t have to sit in the kitchen complaining that it’s a kitchen. His commute isn’t that bad and you would all benefit from him going to the office at least some of the time.

The idea that offices are insulated from noise is rubbish.
WFH I hear way less noise than I did in the office. Plenty of offices are on main roads and next to shops. My office was in the city centre with shoppers, buskers, music coming from shops, and traffic all adding to the noise. The only quiet offices I have worked in are those on out-of-town industrial sites.

Maybe just go on cooking strike until he moves?

@FictionalCharacter Well this is what I think as well, that if he went in 2 or 3 days a week and then got the noise cancelling headphones it would be a big improvement but you should see his pained expression when i ask him if he's going into the office at some point during the week its like I just asked him to eat shit.

There is also the issue of our different patterns of energy so that he is more mentally focused in the morning and I am more focused in the later afternoon which is when he is winding down and starts popping into see what I am up to every 5 minutes disturbing me when I am working, then I get ratty at him and feel bad. It was all so much better when he worked in the office!

We have separate work areas at home, and you know what I do when there are kids making noise outside? I close my window, I know! Strange concept, but windows open AND close. It's amazing how many people in 'very important' jobs don't know this, they are supposed to be intelligent but haven't understood this?

I have one of those Very Important Jobs and just bought some earpod things for less than a tenner and listen to brown noise play lists on Spotify. No distractions! My DH works in another room and is a loud Teams Caller. Can't hear him any more. Bliss.

I am currently sitting on our bed in our loft bedroom. My preferred WFH option is in the lounge with a small portable desk that fits perfectly and allows me to use a chair that has arms (we don't have space for such a chair elsewhere). But it's h holidays. DH and the DC are here and running around. So if I want a bit of peace, I'm here or in a coffee shop.

I think lots of people who are used to being Very Important, have forgotten that their homes are NOT the same as the office and that THEY are the interloper. And it infuriates me.

OP - you can get noise cancelling headphones that have directional microphones. What that means is that they (mostly) don't pick up noise in the microphones except coming directly from where they're pointed - ie at your mouth. They are surprisingly effective.

But your DH should return to the office more often if he's making life hell for you at home.

DH has two monitors (and.definitely needs them) which are on a clamp thing which attaches to the desk. His desk is massive (made.from a big bit.of kitchen worktop for lock down 1) but when we've been looking at need desks it only needs to be just over 1 meter side to accommodate the screens so not massive at all.

Also does it really matter if you walk behind him when he's on a call?! We still get the odd pet or partner popping up in meetings (even a chicken once) and no one bats an eyelid

I always assume it’s much less the actual job than that the person whose job it is considers it Very Important indeed.

My STBXH has one of those jobs. I suspect any job he had would qualify as Very Important. Whereas I could be prime minister and mine would never be in his mind.

I see where you're coming from. DH worked from home all through lockdown, we're lucky enough to have an office space (study) in the house so he could shut himself away. He loved it. I found it very annoying because despite him being 'away' he was around all the time, it disrupted the (young) children who were used to him being at work in the day, he wanted quiet etc etc. One of my children is autistic and has meltdowns sometimes - I cannot silence her when she does, but he needs quiet. Well, tough sorry this is our home. There were benefits - it was lovely that he was able to do bedtimes with the children which he'd previously missed most of, for example. He likes to occasionally do a school pick up now they're back. During lockdown we did our best to make it work, needs must.

Once the world opened up again he wanted to stay working from home permanently. Not a chance, said I! So we compromised. He works four long days, two at home and two in the office. He gets his WFH time, and when the children aren't on school holidays it works well as they're out 9-3. He is then in the office two days so I get two days at home without him under my feet (and I also need the office space because I'm studying). It's trickier in the holidays because the children are here, we have play dates, meltdowns, etc and I've had to remind him that this is primarily our home, not a work space and that if he wants a 'work environment' at all times then he needs to go to work.

I agree in principle. Homes aren't offices. If people want office conditions then they needs to be in an office. If you're willing to work in a home you need to accept that it is a home, first and foremost especially if you have children, neighbours etc. No one is going to silence their normal day to day living to accommodate what is for lots of people now, a lifestyle CHOICE.

It's not so much that residential homes aren't suitable to be offices, it's more that people like your husband aren't suitable to work from home.

This ^
Millions of people manage to work from home without dictating that the world around them stops.
I've wfh for years, and it is MUCH more peaceful than being in the office with all the chatter and interruptions.
This is obviously going to depend on your own set up too.
Not at all clear why he can't work in a living room / landing / other bedroom, but if he can't, then he needs to go in to the office. Obviously it is easier for those with a dedicated workspace, but if you don't have that, you suck it up or go into the office.

It depends what sort of arsehole the home worker is. I’ve worked from home since 2006, I have a dedicated room, I’m quiet, I shut the windows when the neighbours are cutting the hedges or the school next door has a sports day.

Im sure no one even knew I worked from home prior to covid l, thought I was a kept woman probably.

Ive always been very disciplined when WFH. I get up, logon, work, take lunch break outside the house, work, log off.

DH is so bad at it, spreads all out over the dining table, papers and briefcase on the floor, has his Alexa set up to play Virgin Radio on ten decibels through the TV, follows me to the kitchen constantly wanting to know what I’m doing, gets distracted and goes and looks at his golf clubs or sits in the garden, does a bit of work then some on line shopping. He also has a very important job and is far more productive away from distractions and surrounded by his team.

he still works from home sometimes on a Friday when I don’t work and I go out of the house volunteering. I can’t stand WFH at the same time as him. He’s a very annoying homeworker.

Agree with pps. It's not issues of residential areas, but people not being suitable for wfh. And houses. I can't imagine I would work in a kitchen and rendered a majorly impirtant room non usable for everyone all day.
Either people go back or find a place in the house which is separate and understand there will be some noise (like in the office!).

I think you can use your home for what you want. Working from home is not new.

Get him a headset. It's really annoying being on a call with somebody's computer picking up random noise and feedback. Does he HAVE to have video/camera on? I suppose I spent most of my working life with (telephone) conference calls, but I don't find video necessary for most conversations.

If you really can't make space for a dedicated desk-space, buy a cheap screen/room divider or set the background to blur.

I only work part time and DH is WFH most days. He knows when most of his calls will be so I schedule noisy tasks in between.