to think residential areas and homes are not meant to be offices?

[MossOwl]

Inspired by the thread where the poster whose neighbour had a very important job and was in very important meetings all day and please could she keep her kids out there own garden, outrageous if you ask me!

I think there is a problem with homes and residential areas being turned into offices. My husband also has a very important job with important meetings and I am expected to go about the house not making any noise, I can't hoover or run the washing machine even watching TV is out of bounds. He also complains about neighbours cutting their grass or getting noisy work done to their homes and even the noise of kids playing out. I tell him to go into the office but he hates the 45 min commute and says he prefers working at home at the kitchen table as opposed to going into the office.

Another neighbour has also complained about the noise from their neighbours during the day, during the school holidays, their neighbours have three kids and they have the garden set up with a trampoline, paddling pool and swings which can be noisy but what else are kids supposed to be doing in the summer?

When other neighbours were on holiday they were out in the garden and were playing some music it was kind of loud but they don't play it all year round they were just trying to enjoy a staycation and they got people shouting to keep the noise down as they were working.

I've told my husband that if he wants to keep working from home and not get disturbed then we will have to move to an area with less neighbours where he can have his own office cabin in the garden. During lockdowns and the pandemic we all made the best of it but now office workers do have a choice to go back but many would rather still work at home and expect their families and neighbours to tiptoe around them.

AIBU to think that homes and residential areas are not really suitable to be offices?

Yeah, we also have rules in the office about twerps who think everyone has to tiptoe around them for their Very Important Meeting and that they have the right to disturb the whole floor. You do wonder what they're like at home when you see their behaviour to people they perceive as less important than them.

Where are all these super quiet offices that so many claim to work in? Any where I've worked you have to listen to other people's chatter and phone calls, people walking up and down the corridor on mobiles, roadworks going on somewhere, etc etc

It's no quieter than working from home.

DH WFH most days and worked for an entire year at home. He is head of his dept. Next door was renovated for 4 months by the developer that bought it. He has noise cancelling headphones. He just lets me know if he is in calls by the door being shut, if he isn’t he leaves it ajar.

This - and it's rare to see a poster on MN actually "getting" how the goalposts have shifted and not everyone is in a position to move away from neighbours, or have a spare room or understairs nook to turn into an office.

We did not earn much when we bought this place - bought it at the absolute bottom of the market and got incredibly lucky to be able to get it. 2 bed house - open plan downstairs - and it worked well for us plus one child, and we've made it work for two kids while I retrained and career switched - but we'd hit the point where it was getting too small before the pandemic struck and were trying to eek out a couple more years of it. The kids have the large bedroom as they've got more stuff and benefit from the space and we essentially have the box room, with fitted wardrobes to absolutely maximize the space in there already. Can't go up into the loft as we don't have the roof height to do so (or spare cash) and there's not really space for any garden solution (plus our neighbours are always out with music blaring).

Cobbled through the pandemic with me doing a uni degree in the conservatory under a slightly leaky roof, and DH on a desk in an alcove in the lounge - but he's now stuck with a permanent "hybrid" arrangement of one day a week in the office and bloody hell this summer's been grueling - with him complaining about noise, the kids wanting to be able to be kids, me caught in the cross fire (waiting on start date for my job) and I fucking hate living like this. Going to take a few months of my new job working before we're in a position to look to move house and they're going to suck!

Believe me I'm amazingly good at creating space where there's none, and I've eeked out so much longer in this house than most would have done, but no amount of amazing desks and kallax holes can find a spare room where there is none.

I wear loop earplugs most of the day just to calm my jangling nerves from the constant meeting calls a bit, watch TV with subtitles on on mute or have noise cancelling headphones on full-time. It's the expectation and assumption from employers that the rest of people's families will just make this work (and yes DH's not wanting to go back to the office as well) that really pisses me off.

I need to WFH due to disability, my neighbour has been doing loud construction for 15 months. Whenever that noise stops (it continues over the weekend), the kids or dog are making noise. Their construction has broken some of my property. I bought a detached house in a predominantly elderly neighbourhood thinking I would be OK, but there is an unfortunate history with these particular neighbours being a nuisance/very inconsiderate/double standards. They believe they're Very Important just like the OPs neighbour on the other thread. It makes it utterly miserable and I hate living beside people like them. I still find myself being considerate of them and go along with their entitled requests that are difficult for me.

I think there should be some compromise within your own home e.g. not vacuuming or playing loud music during office hours, but normal cleaning, cooking and watching TV is fine if that's what you normally do. I don't see how that level of noise is any worse than the normal noise of an office.

“the issue of our different patterns of energy so that he is more mentally focused in the morning and I am more focused in the later afternoon which is when he is winding down and starts popping into see what I am up to every 5 minutes disturbing me when I am working, then I get ratty at him and feel bad”

No no no! HE disturbs YOU when you are working and YOU feel bad? He doesn’t respect your work AT ALL but wants you to bend over backwards to accommodate his. This is nothing to do with “different patterns of energy”, it’s about him believing he and his work are much more important than you and your work, and he’s making sure you know it.

This is horrible disrespect from him and I’m sorry, you’re letting him do it.

Alternatively, you could have any number of neighbours who've been wfh for years but you aren't aware of it because actually it's no problem whatsoever for you.

Not necessarily you specifically obv, you might live in the middle of nowhere, be familiar with all your neighbours or whatever. But generally.

I voted you’re not unreasonable but many firms like my DH’s sold their office space off during the pandemic and moved to a hybrid working model

DH’s nearest office is now 90mins away so he only goes in once a fortnight

However I do think your DH is really unreasonable. During the pandemic I had DH DS and DD all working over the internet from home both DC in their rooms and DH in our dining room

No one disturbed anyone else or impacted me because they all had noise cancelling headphones which are absolutely essential in this set up

it can work but requires everyone to play their part and not impose on others

Jeez. My DH has an "important job" (wtf). But he understands this is our home first and his office second. Same when I WFH.

You’re not wrong. Lockdown was a nightmare. Dh bagged the spare room as an office so I was in the open plan kitchen/dining room. Doing live lectures. Dh used to wander in and turn the kettle on and nobody could hear me! Then he was grumpy when I banned him from cups of tea during lectures! 😆. I’ve got a garden office now.

If your husband's job was that important OP, he wouldn't be working from home!

How do you come to that conclusion?

I think it’s actually a combination of factors.

Some people, and industries, aren’t suited to people WFH in a residential setting.

DH works from home 50% of the time, but he gets that it’s a home first and foremost. He fits in round us (I’m a SAHP to a child with significant needs). He had to accept that the nurses will be in, the physio will be in, deliveries will come, DD will make noise, the older kids will make noise after school etc. He’s working in their space so he has to deal with that.

That said we’re lucky he’s senior enough that he could say “no, I’m not having three screens as there’s no space” and has the clout where he can still say “Sorry, my DD is having a bad day so you may hear some noise from downstairs” and if not be a problem.

My BIL is having an awful time because he was never expecting to wfh. He’s on the kitchen table and his job is precarious so while he’s searching for another SIL and their DC are tip toeing around and they’re all struggling. He’s only allowed back in the office one day a fortnight atm as they’ve sold off the bulk of their space and it’s now a fixed time you’re allowed in

I am more focused in the later afternoon which is when he is winding down and starts popping into see what I am up to every 5 minutes disturbing me when I am working, then I get ratty at him and feel bad”

This does make your DH sound like a bit of a dick though OP.

He who mustn’t be disturbed should have some respect for your job and not disturb you either. You shouldn’t be the one feeling bad.

@ApplesandBunions it would be unusual for a neighbour to impact on me really, outside of loud music and so on. But I do think that when you’re sharing your living space with someone else’s workspace it can be quite suffocating and often the person who is working genuinely doesn’t realise.

Most homes I expect can be offices at least on a limited basis, say for part of the week. The issue for me is that there are some people (usually but not always men it seems) who are unsuitable to work from home. Family suffer instead of work colleagues.

I've worked from home for many years and I've never had any expectation of neighbours changing their behaviour to suit me. If it's noisy outside or I'm discussing confidential stuff I just shout the window. Simple.

I think it's about expectations.
I lost it a bit at my DP during lockdown.
He took over the lounge as his office and expected everyone to be okay with creeping around his 12 hr shifts.
Felt I was shouting him away from everyone by asking him to move into the spare room.
We had a few discussions about how this is still a family home even if he has to work and that work need to accept that.

People like your husband aren't able to work from home and should piss off back to the office. I would find his constant moaning incredibly annoying and entitled. He can whinge to himself on his 45 minute commute instead.

I have a desk in one of the children's bedrooms, since I'm only working when she's not there, it works perfectly for us. As soon as homeworking kicked in the first thing I did was buy a big screen and desk chair. What work does he do that he 'needs' 2 big monitors? I have 1 large monitor, I was accustomed to having 2 but it's big enough to display 2 things so I've got used to it.

Ultimately he needs to compromise. Headphones, mix of home and work, find somewhere more out of the way, share housework etc it's not all about him.

What work does he do that he 'needs' 2 big monitors? I have 1 large monitor, I was accustomed to having 2 but it's big enough to display 2 things so I've got used to it.
I, and all the colleagues in my team do. We write scientific software with fancy graphics ... tbh there are times I could do with 3, I've got way more than 2 things on each screen at once.
Currently I've got 2 computers so I've got 2 monitors plus the 2 laptop screens, 2 docks, 2 keyboards and mice... yes, I've got a decent sized desk plus side table; we bought the house knowing I'd need an office.

He sounds like he's a moaner. But if your job is so important that people doing daily stuff is having a negative impact then you do something about it.

If you're just moaning then the job can't be that important.

I'm being slightly facetious but still.

😂sounds like my office.

Two monitors are great and a must nowadays. Outlook/spreadsheet/documents on one, engineering software on the other.

Although to save on plugs I had to get a 49" wide monitor. Nice to see column A to AAAA on a spreadsheet 🤦😂

My office space was completely open plan, so having calls from home (despite any background noise) is much better for me, also, there was nowhere to have a private call (1:1 with manager who is based elsewhere), I have adapted to the neighborhood noises. As a PP said , seems like it's only the men complaining

I WFH for just over a year.

There was less traffic (because I wasn't commuting) apart from the few months I was still doing the school run.

I worked from the conservatory so disruption to my family was kept to a minimum.

I didn't expect neighbours to be quiet on my account (they wouldn't know when I was working or not)

So how would that be an issue for anyone?