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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First family dog?

213 replies

gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 09/08/2022 18:41

Husband wants a German Shepherd, he also likes XL Bully and Rottweiler.

I am open to a dog but...

small house
do not want fur everywhere

We have two cats already so would look into getting a puppy.
We have a big garden and both often work from home so wouldn't leave him alone.

I know about having dogs, had them before, but not too keen, I'm a cat person. Husband and child are keen. Husband spoke about "family protection" but ultimately we are animal lovers but that seems to be a factor for him.

My questions are:

Dogs that won't add the least to my cleaning burden (that's my bag)

Safest around the child (from puppy and trained)

Perhaps that a non-dog person might like best?

Given he's mentioned those three breeds, which would you go for? Child is 6.

OP posts:
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7
Freda999 · 09/08/2022 18:45

Wouldn't choose any of those breeds personally, however it depends on the dogs temperament and how it is trained.
Research different breeds, check out costs for food, insurance, vets etc etc. Wouldn't be without my dogs but they are tying, cost a fair whack and take up lots of time/energy.

Crotonifolia · 09/08/2022 18:45

As a first family dog, I wouldn't go for any of those breeds. Unless you come back and tell us you or your husband are excellent dog trainers. They're large, powerful, and in inexperienced hands, potentially very dangerous.

Original poster
gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 09/08/2022 18:51

Freda999 · 09/08/2022 18:45

Wouldn't choose any of those breeds personally, however it depends on the dogs temperament and how it is trained.
Research different breeds, check out costs for food, insurance, vets etc etc. Wouldn't be without my dogs but they are tying, cost a fair whack and take up lots of time/energy.

The cost is not an issue. It's more the smallness of the house and the fact I clean it all by myself (which is fine given our trade-off) but I don't want to get someone who is going to then be the source of upset in our family, not fair on them.

I like German Shepperd the best but we've always had lurchers which I love but he only likes those three breeds.

Are there any particular breeds you would suggest looking at?

OP posts:
Kaltenzahn · 09/08/2022 18:52

Has your husband got any experience with dogs? I wouldn't recommend any of those as a first dog! They'll all need a lot of training, and a puppy that size could do some damage to a 6 year old just trying to play. Puppies also make a lot of mess if you're worried about cleaning, especially the big ones!

OneTonNoodles · 09/08/2022 18:53

Crotonifolia · 09/08/2022 18:45

As a first family dog, I wouldn't go for any of those breeds. Unless you come back and tell us you or your husband are excellent dog trainers. They're large, powerful, and in inexperienced hands, potentially very dangerous.

I agree with this.

German Shepherd will shed the most and is big for a small house. Rottweilers are also double coat shedders. I'd say the bully would shed the least. They all need training everyday, you can't dip in and out of it. If you're not keen I wouldn't. Everyone needs to be committed 100%. Who is going to be training, getting up every couple of hours for poppy training, going out rain or shine for walks, dealing with the terrible puppy tantrums when they fight against training, refuse to do what you say?

Kaltenzahn · 09/08/2022 18:56

Puppies are wonderful, but a lot of work! An adult dog raised with cats and children would more likely be easier for the cats than a pup that wants to jump on/chew everything in sight. I've introduced a 2 year old rescue and a 10 week puppy to my cats in the last few years and the rescue was a dream compared to the pup.

Crotonifolia · 09/08/2022 18:57

Why is he only set on those breeds, what is it about them that he likes?

We have a lab, and I can't say enough about what a great temperament my dog has. He casts hair everywhere though, it would drive lost people mad. I'm willing to deal with that because of everything wonderful about him.

If you have a small house, I wouldn't get any large breed. And I absolutely agree with PP, that this has to be 100% commitment from everyone, regardless of breed of dog.

2bazookas · 09/08/2022 19:26

DH hasn't a clue. A " protection dog" is trained to threaten/stop a human being when the dog perceives risk. That training/dog outlook is totally incompatible with a family pet around small children (remember, normal 6 yr olds cry, shout, are loud, bouncy, unpredictable, and have small friends to play).

The three breeds he's picked are breeds commonly used as guard or protection dogs because of their powerful jaws, physique and breed temperament like strong confidence, dominance, assertiveness. A dog/child stand-off (misunderstanding over a toy, or food, or just an accidental shove / knock) is quite likely and the dog will win, because that's what it's wired for.

If you get a dog, choose some more compliant, less assertive breed, maybe a small labrador. Instead of a puppy, consider getting an 18 month to 2 yrs slightly older dog whose character and proper training are already established.

A degree of shed hair, foot prints, mud , smells and occasional mess is pretty much inevitable in dog ownership. Don't kid yourself , they do make more work.

rnsaslkih · 09/08/2022 19:27

None of those breeds are on first dog lists. How about a golden retriever?

rnsaslkih · 09/08/2022 19:29

And furthermore if you want a protection dog, get a little one that barks when anyone comes near its territory. Then you will be alerted, rather than having a big biting machine.

ChuckItBucket · 09/08/2022 19:30

Your DH is quite frankly an idiot considering any of those in your circumstances. If it’s those or nothing then you shouldn’t get a dog

littlepeas · 09/08/2022 19:30

Ridiculous choices of breed for inexperienced owners with children.

RedRobyn2021 · 09/08/2022 19:32

I really like German Shepherds but there's so much hair to clean up

We decided after a lot of discussion to her a Labrador, we got a "red fox" one, she three now and she is a lovely dog. She was a lot of work to train, and in general a lot more work than our cats. But we do love her.

I mean the question is who is going make sure she is walked even when it's freezing, even when you've had a long day, even when you're unwell... if it's just you, then don't do it.

RedRobyn2021 · 09/08/2022 19:38

We have a 18mo toddler too and our dog is undeniably patient with her. Tbh we ultimately settled on a lab because they are renowned family dogs.

Another breeds we considered; cocker spaniel, golden retriever, collie

Original poster
gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 09/08/2022 19:41

rnsaslkih · 09/08/2022 19:27

None of those breeds are on first dog lists. How about a golden retriever?

Don't like them, too needy and jumpy, as I suppose all dogs are. Yes, I'm resistant. don't like dogs much. He keeps pestering me about it though. work from home, I don't want anything to do with this dog to be honest. I'm vegan, I care about animals a lot! I miss meat! But... I am just don't want a dog around me all the time.

OP posts:
Scrapologist · 09/08/2022 19:41

If I had to get one of those three breeds, I'd get a German Shepherd, but honestly, it's crazy to get a large dog that needs consistent training when neither of you are experienced dog-owners, you have a small child, and one of you doesn't even actually want a dog. Such a bad idea!

You mention that he wants a dog for protection. You don't need a large breed that's perceived as "dangerous" or "threatening" to benefit from protection. Many small or medium-sized, family-friendly breeds are excellent watchdogs. Does he expect the dog to fight off intruders or simply scare them off before they make it into the house?

Original poster
gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 09/08/2022 19:42

RedRobyn2021 · 09/08/2022 19:38

We have a 18mo toddler too and our dog is undeniably patient with her. Tbh we ultimately settled on a lab because they are renowned family dogs.

Another breeds we considered; cocker spaniel, golden retriever, collie

Collies are very nice but I expect they leave lots of hair around?

OP posts:
BeanieTeen · 09/08/2022 19:43

Why is he only set on those breeds, what is it about them that he likes?

I think we can all guess.
None of these are suitable for what you’ve described.
Tell your husband that a dog is not a penis extension.
Family dogs and protection dogs are two very different things. You don’t train a dog to show any kind of aggression if it’s to live with a small child.
As above, you need a compliant breed - maybe Labrador if your DH really isn’t secure enough in his manhood for something fluffier and smaller.

Alfixnm · 09/08/2022 19:44

I work with dogs of all breeds for a living, and wouldn't in a million years recommend any of those breeds as a first pet, particularly with s young family in the mix. They are big, intelligent, headstrong, and need a LOT of time and attention.

If they are your only options, I really wouldn't get a dog.

littlepeas · 09/08/2022 19:46

gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 09/08/2022 19:41

Don't like them, too needy and jumpy, as I suppose all dogs are. Yes, I'm resistant. don't like dogs much. He keeps pestering me about it though. work from home, I don't want anything to do with this dog to be honest. I'm vegan, I care about animals a lot! I miss meat! But... I am just don't want a dog around me all the time.

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My retriever is nothing like this - he’s the most nonchalant dog I’ve ever had. Extreme shedder through.

Augustwine · 09/08/2022 19:46

Those breed choices are not the most appropriate. Please don’t get an xl bully. If he is really not keen on any other breed then maybe look into Swiss shepherds-supposed to be more family friendly than German shepherds. Or how about a smaller dog with a German shepherd type look (NOT a mallinooise). Maybe a Nordic breed like an elkhound or vallhund (very hard to find in the UK though)

XenoBitch · 09/08/2022 19:47

I would try and get him warmed to the idea of lurchers, especially seeing as you have had them before.

Alfixnm · 09/08/2022 19:48

OP, if you think golden retrievers (the absolute angels of the dog world) are too difficult and jumpy, then you would be in for a horrendous shock with an untrained 50kg bully or rottweiler.....

OneTonNoodles · 09/08/2022 19:50

gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 09/08/2022 19:41

Don't like them, too needy and jumpy, as I suppose all dogs are. Yes, I'm resistant. don't like dogs much. He keeps pestering me about it though. work from home, I don't want anything to do with this dog to be honest. I'm vegan, I care about animals a lot! I miss meat! But... I am just don't want a dog around me all the time.

Show quote history

Then you don't get one. The dog is the one who will suffer when the novelty wears off. If you have to pick up the slack you'll resent him for badgering you into getting a dog you don't want.

Poppyseed14 · 09/08/2022 19:53

None of these with a child in the house. Especially the American Bully. One of them killed its adult owner not so long ago and her partner had life threatening injuries trying to fight it off her. You might as well add a tiger to his list.