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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accommodate Very Important Neighbour's new home office?

739 replies

Knitwit101 · 09/08/2022 14:35

We've lived next door to these neighbours for years. Know each other well enough to say hi, put bins out on holiday, but we're not friends. We've been using our garden in the same way for years. No changes on our side, nothing new.

We've come back from holiday to find neighbour has re-organised his home office and he now sits at a massive (open) window right on the boundary between our gardens. That must have been a spare bedroom before maybe, I don't know. We never saw anyone in it.

I sat outside at our patio table this morning to have a coffee and I could hear every word he said through his open window, could hear every word his colleagues said on their online meetings. He might as well have been sitting at the table with me. Not sure there's much I can do about that, he can use his house however he likes.

Ds10 and his pals are sitting outside at the table trading Pokemom cards. There's 4 of them, they are laughing and chatting but they're not shouting or being silly. And it's a sunny afternoon in the school holidays, they can be outside laughing in the garden if they want to be.

Neighbour has just come to the door to ask me if I can take them inside because he has a full afternoon of work meetings and their noise is distracting him.

I said "what, the whole afternoon? You want them to stay indoors all afternoon?"

He said completely straight-faced "I'll be working till 6.30pm"

I laughed and said "well no, that won't be possible".

At this point he said in a very slow, careful, mansplaining voice just in case I couldn't follow him "I don't think you understand. I have a Very Important Job. These are very important meetings. I negotiate multi-million dollar contracts every day, I need to be able to concentrate."

Seriously? I always though he was a bit of a twat but who talks like this? Who actually says "Very Important" like that? Twice? He has no idea what my job is or how important dh or I might be.

I just said "no, we'll carry on using our garden as we always have. Maybe you could close your window when you're needing to concentrate. And just so you're aware, I can hear you and your colleagues when your window is open, I hope you're not saying anything confidential. I must get on, thanks for doing the bins while we were away" then shut the door.

He's gone, I can hear him on his Very Important Meeting. I could join in, I can hear every word on both sides. I suspect he'll be back, probably when dh is back from work so they can talk man to man.

He's unsettled me though, he was so self-confident when he came to the door, so sure that he would get exactly what he wanted. How do you get that kind of confidence? I wish I had it. Or is it arrogance? He made me think I was in the wrong at first.

We love our garden, we use it all the time. I'm not sure how we'll deal with this one, but I wasn't BU by refusing to bring the kids inside, was I? He's the one who has made the change, not us. I don't think wfh is new for him, he was just somewhere else in his house before I guess. Now he's on top of our patio with his big booming voice. I feel quite sad about it, if he's there all day every day it's going to be awful.

OP posts:
CantGetDecentNickname · 09/08/2022 17:16

Extract from the OP:
He's unsettled me though, he was so self-confident when he came to the door, so sure that he would get exactly what he wanted. How do you get that kind of confidence? I wish I had it. Or is it arrogance? He made me think I was in the wrong at first.

He is deliberately being arrogant and sounding confident. It is acting designed to make others think that of course they are in the wrong and he must be given whatever he wants. It probably works in the workplace for him all the time on more junior staff and has become automatic for him. Some people try to intimidate others by raising their voice and sounding so very important. It is bullying behaviour as he sees you as less important than him.

He is a colossal prat. You were right to call his bluff and please brief your DH to do the same. He has no right or power to influence how others behave in their homes and gardens. If he chooses to work from home, he has to take the consequences. I agree with PPs who suggested to record him as he is definitely breaking any confidentiality his work is supposed to have. Laughing at his request with a "don't be silly, we're not going to change our way of life for your job" kind of response would be good here. If he is well-off he could easily buy an A/C unit and close the windows.

Your DC ought to start trumpet lessons any day now, or perhaps they need an electric guitar and amp for a birthday present?

stillvicarinatutu · 09/08/2022 17:16

I think I'd take a speaker outside and play stuff like terry Wogans floral dance , on repeat .

Donald where's your trousers.
Ernie the fastest milkman in the west .
That fucking annoying baby shark thing ....

I think he'd shut his window . 😂

alloalloallo · 09/08/2022 17:18

KettrickenSmiled · 09/08/2022 15:22

He's unsettled me though, he was so self-confident when he came to the door, so sure that he would get exactly what he wanted. How do you get that kind of confidence? I wish I had it. Or is it arrogance? He made me think I was in the wrong at first.

It's pure entitlement OP. If you'd been socialised as a male, you'd possibly have it too. But all your neighbours would think you were a prick, so ...

YANBU

I have a neighbour exactly like this. He comes round, makes all sorts of demands then acts like I’m the unreasonable one when I tell him no. I don’t think he’s grown up hearing the word no tbh

He also works from home and came round demanding I keep my dog indoors between the hours of 9am - 5:30pm as my dog was making their dog bark and he couldn’t concentrate.

My dog was simply mooching about in her own garden, wasn’t barking or making a racket, but wasn’t being silent either. We only have to open our back door and the bloody thing starts. I think he’s either got a doggie door or he just leaves his back door open as it’s always outside.

He was astounded when I said no. Pointed out his constantly barking dog was pissing me off and he needed to either shut it up, or keep it inside.

The sheer entitlement of him coming round, expecting me to pander to him had me raging for days.

Changechangychange · 09/08/2022 17:18

As long as your DC and his friends weren't shouting or screaming, then they're doing nothing wrong. It's the school holidays.

Honestly, even if they were shouting and screaming, I tend to think that is part of school holiday garden noise. I’d have far more tolerance for that than for eg really loud music.

Muminabun · 09/08/2022 17:19

Your neighbour sounds hilarious op. I think he needs to crux of the matter off and move his very important office to another room though. He is obviously desperate to impress you. He needs to come down to earth a bit.

balalake · 09/08/2022 17:19

I was disappointed to read you are in Scotland OP. No dislike of Scottish people, I was delighted to see Eilish McColgans' gold medal win the other day.

Children go back to school next week, so you can only be noisy for a few days. I was hoping three weeks minimum.

FelixFlower · 09/08/2022 17:21

He also works from home and came round demanding I keep my dog indoors between the hours of 9am - 5:30pm as my dog was making their dog bark and he couldn’t concentrate.

This is so funny. Your neighbour is nuts.

Ohahjustalittlebit · 09/08/2022 17:22

Go out tomorrow for the day and leave baby shark playing at a very loud volume on repeat. Or invite me and my lot over. I have a kid whose voice could literally wake the dead and that is his inside voice.

HOnestly yer man sounds like a total tosspot and he is so unprofessional to be talking any kind of business with a window open. Are you close enough that you could close it for him and put masking tape over it?

MrKlaw · 09/08/2022 17:23

I love your comment about confidentiality. Normally you'd expect someone 'important' like that to ignore you and not be polite but that might just make him think.

I wfh and I hate this weather because if I need to take a call I'll close the window and it gets really humid quickly. But rather that than let everyone be disturbed by me (also to reduce noise coming in from outside - regardless of your kids playing pokemon there will be distractions which is just unprofessional to not try and address).

notanothertakeaway · 09/08/2022 17:24

Nicely handled OP

ZeldaZebra · 09/08/2022 17:24

I’ve name changed for this. Re the very important job possibly in mergers and acquisitions, millions at stake etc. I think that’s probably in his own head. DH fits this description except when he works from home he has a separate barn converted into a large air conditioned office with multiple screens, is paranoid about client confidentiality to the extent when the alarm is being serviced the poor alarm guy is stood over and watched (even though presumably he could break in any time he likes 🤣). When DH comes over to the house for a mug of tea he sets the alarm. Garden is acres rather than metres large but barn not exactly out of sight. If you can be bothered to mess with your Very Important neighbour you could say you over heard him talking about (company name) and are they in trouble? Your SIL works there. See if he goes green.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/08/2022 17:24

Longing to know what is the very important job with multi million pound contracts in negotiation that has no security requirements. Clients typically have clear and strict requirements around this as do we.

I wouldn't even have voice activated devices enabled in the room when WFH with most clients, let alone be gobbing off in full hearing of the neighbours!

mumda · 09/08/2022 17:25

I use a headset and have the window shut for meetings.

Your neighbour is a pillock

FourChimneys · 09/08/2022 17:28

I don't know if anyone else has suggested it, and I certainly don't want to stereotype Scots people, but has your DS shown any interest in caber tossing? When he's not playing his bagpipes...

But I agree, it all might seem better tomorrow. We had a neighbour for a short while, living in a rented house next to ours and having Very Important Conversations in a loud voice. They were all in a language we didn't understand, I don't know it that made it better or worse.

thefizz · 09/08/2022 17:31

I think he is making it all up. He has been sacked and is pretending he still has a VIJ, and wants you (and later your DH) to think that.

When he annoys you - say to yourself, you are on the dole really aren't you.

40anxious · 09/08/2022 17:31

Wow what a silly man. Who does he think he is. I think round up the neighbourhood kids for a pool party at yours tomorrow 😜
let us know how it goes later when he finishes his vip job and tackles your DH. I mean the crux of it is he either shuts the window or fucks off back to the office 🤷🏻‍♀️

Changedmynamefor · 09/08/2022 17:32

Leafy3 · 09/08/2022 15:59

Well, I'm not saying you should make notes on some of the Very Important conversations he has with colleagues and clients, but you could.

And you could present him with a copy if he continues to complain.

You even could send a copy to his boss.

But I really don't recommend that.

This is exactly what I’d be doing - if he comes back round I’d say something like ‘I’m really enjoying hearing about x and y, when do you think that deal is going to go through?’ or something similar. (I nearly did something like this at my local station when two people who didn’t know me but clearly worked at another site of the business I worked for, were discussing a confidential project that I was involved in, for all on the platform to hear. I chickened out of it though☹️)

DuchessDarty · 09/08/2022 17:35

thefizz · 09/08/2022 17:31

I think he is making it all up. He has been sacked and is pretending he still has a VIJ, and wants you (and later your DH) to think that.

When he annoys you - say to yourself, you are on the dole really aren't you.

Oh YES. I'll go one further: he's pretending to his wife he still has a VIJ and is making you be an unknowing accomplice in his lie by setting it up so you can hear his "important work conversations" when his wife is out. <taps nose>

gatehouseoffleet · 09/08/2022 17:36

I love your comment about confidentiality. Normally you'd expect someone 'important' like that to ignore you and not be polite but that might just make him think

I once had a Very Important Person doing Important things on his phone on the train. In the Quiet Carriage. I was not amused and said so. I pointed out he was in the quiet carriage AND he was talking about a load of confidential stuff. He said in a pompous way that it didn't matter. Although he did shut up. So maybe it did make him think.

HooDooManc · 09/08/2022 17:37

YANBU. I'd try and find out who he worked for, find out who their nearest competitor is and then say "given I can hear every commercially sensitive word you say, wouldn't it be awful if I was friends with (Sales Director of Biggest Competitor Co). Explain that to your boss when you lose the best big deal".

Sharrowgirl · 09/08/2022 17:38

If he has a Very Important Job surely his company has a Very Large Shiny Office he can go and work in.

Alloftheusernamesaretakenn · 09/08/2022 17:38

Knitwit101 · 09/08/2022 15:35

He is repeatedly mentioning the names of a few big companies I've heard of, I have no idea if they're merging or not. Surely this can't be real? Surely he wouldn't be shouting all this out his open window if it was real? Does he just not get how loud he is? And he's said "the crux of the matter" twice. I'm not standing outside listening, I'm just hanging out washing, tidying up the garden a bit.

I dont get the impression that he works for any of the companies he's talking about though, I don't know who he works for, or if he works on his own.

If he comes round again I'm going to make it very clear that I can hear him. The whole thing makes me feel quite uncomfortable now I've sort of tuned in to it. I can't tune out.

I'm going to take the kids down to the park for a while.

Ffs, we've only been home from our holidays for one day. I don't need this hassle.

I’d be tweeting everything he says regarding company mergers. He’ll either move his office, close the window, or get fired*, so it’s a win/win.

  • I don’t have a Very Important Job but we’ve all been told that working where someone could overhear you or see your screen (I.e. in public) is gross misconduct.
RudsyFarmer · 09/08/2022 17:39

This is the start of a new hideous wave isn’t it? The Working from Home twats demanding special dispensation from neighbours trying to use their homes and gardens as intended. While your average pleb is still dragging their arse into the office/shop/warehouse.

SlipperySlope99 · 09/08/2022 17:46

Ducksinthebath · Today 14:40
If he’s such a big shot he can install air con and keep the window closed or get a dedicated office pod.

i read this as a ‘deficated’ office pod at first glance 😂

Yeezytiger · 09/08/2022 17:46

Does he not know how important pokemon is? Twat

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