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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accommodate Very Important Neighbour's new home office?

739 replies

Knitwit101 · 09/08/2022 14:35

We've lived next door to these neighbours for years. Know each other well enough to say hi, put bins out on holiday, but we're not friends. We've been using our garden in the same way for years. No changes on our side, nothing new.

We've come back from holiday to find neighbour has re-organised his home office and he now sits at a massive (open) window right on the boundary between our gardens. That must have been a spare bedroom before maybe, I don't know. We never saw anyone in it.

I sat outside at our patio table this morning to have a coffee and I could hear every word he said through his open window, could hear every word his colleagues said on their online meetings. He might as well have been sitting at the table with me. Not sure there's much I can do about that, he can use his house however he likes.

Ds10 and his pals are sitting outside at the table trading Pokemom cards. There's 4 of them, they are laughing and chatting but they're not shouting or being silly. And it's a sunny afternoon in the school holidays, they can be outside laughing in the garden if they want to be.

Neighbour has just come to the door to ask me if I can take them inside because he has a full afternoon of work meetings and their noise is distracting him.

I said "what, the whole afternoon? You want them to stay indoors all afternoon?"

He said completely straight-faced "I'll be working till 6.30pm"

I laughed and said "well no, that won't be possible".

At this point he said in a very slow, careful, mansplaining voice just in case I couldn't follow him "I don't think you understand. I have a Very Important Job. These are very important meetings. I negotiate multi-million dollar contracts every day, I need to be able to concentrate."

Seriously? I always though he was a bit of a twat but who talks like this? Who actually says "Very Important" like that? Twice? He has no idea what my job is or how important dh or I might be.

I just said "no, we'll carry on using our garden as we always have. Maybe you could close your window when you're needing to concentrate. And just so you're aware, I can hear you and your colleagues when your window is open, I hope you're not saying anything confidential. I must get on, thanks for doing the bins while we were away" then shut the door.

He's gone, I can hear him on his Very Important Meeting. I could join in, I can hear every word on both sides. I suspect he'll be back, probably when dh is back from work so they can talk man to man.

He's unsettled me though, he was so self-confident when he came to the door, so sure that he would get exactly what he wanted. How do you get that kind of confidence? I wish I had it. Or is it arrogance? He made me think I was in the wrong at first.

We love our garden, we use it all the time. I'm not sure how we'll deal with this one, but I wasn't BU by refusing to bring the kids inside, was I? He's the one who has made the change, not us. I don't think wfh is new for him, he was just somewhere else in his house before I guess. Now he's on top of our patio with his big booming voice. I feel quite sad about it, if he's there all day every day it's going to be awful.

OP posts:
Cheguevarahamster · 09/08/2022 16:35

You dealt with this perfectly. I would also advise that you set up an office on the patio and persuade your children to have VERY IMPORTANT meetings. This can involve mergers between lego and minecraft or such like. A bit of noisy role playing is in order. Good luck 😁

birdfeeders · 09/08/2022 16:37

Right, daytime kids barbecue tomorrow. Bouncy castle / paddling pool / lawn croquet the day after. Maybe kareoke? You do want to enjoy the heat in your garden this week, after all!

SenoritaNaturista · 09/08/2022 16:37

You handled it well, and importantly, you need to keep using your space, be visible and be “seen” to be using it. Please don’t modify your own behaviour to accommodate his request

Make Facetime calls on your Ipad, have girlfriends round for coffee and chats, breakfast out there, take your own calls out there….

(all stuff that I am having to do - just to say that I am (quietly) occupying my own space despite so many nearby intrusions)

rnsaslkih · 09/08/2022 16:40

What a selfish, arrogant wanker - he was totally in the wrong.

Allthecoolusernamesaregone · 09/08/2022 16:43

Well done OP for standing up to him, whilst keeping your temper, and not using foul language.

You set an example to us all - well definitely to me as I tend to develop ‘Potty mouth’ when faced with men who think they are oh so important.

I love some of the ideas about joining in with his conversations.

Would you like to borrow a Klaxon?

Tellmewhyaintnothinbutaheartbreak · 09/08/2022 16:45

I think you need a 90s dance party. At full volume.

nothing says fuck you like Urban Cookie Collective

Glittertwins · 09/08/2022 16:46

@Knitwit101 - do you know which company he works for? Our company is always going on about security / meetings in appropriate places, especially when we're targeting acquisitions. I don't work in that area but we are still reminded of company policies relating to this. I'd be tempted to let his company know what you know - it won't go down well!!

PineappleWilson · 09/08/2022 16:49

Sod the bagpipes, buy your DS and his mates a triangle each and pay them to sit in the garden and play them.

PineappleWilson · 09/08/2022 16:52

Good point @Glittertwins , he should be mindful of corporate confidentiality if his job is so important. mind you, he'd probably announce that the OP therefore has to glue her windows shut or something.

Knitwit101 · 09/08/2022 16:56

You've all cheered me up.

But I don't want to do any of these things, I don't want any drama, I just want him to go back to wherever he was before.

I'm not sure I even know his surname to look him up on LinkedIn, I've honestly never given him much more than a passing thought in all the years we've lived next door. They're just Mary and Jim at number 4. I don't have their phone numbers or email addresses or anything. I don't want to report him to anyone or get him in trouble, just to shut the window.

I'm not buying a trampoline or moving the basketball hoop or buying a hot tub, much as I'd like one. I just want him to shut the window.

It's an upstairs window, they're 1930s style bungalows that have all been extended over the years. Maybe it wouldn't get planning permission now but it's been there since before we moved in. We've got a very similar attic conversion but on the side of our house that overlooks the road. And both theirs and ours have really large windows that either tilt open or open completely from the side. We had to get a restrictor thing fitted when the kids were small to stop them opening it and falling out. I'm not sure you'd get away with those windows upstairs nowadays either. It's a size of the window that's part of the problem. And his booming, entitled voice. I bet he's had lessons in projecting his voice or some such nonsense.

I guess he'll shut the window in the autumn. We're in Scotland, it will be raining again soon and he couldn't have the window open in the rain because of all his fancy computer equipment.

I'm tired and grumpy, we had a long trip home from our holidays yesterday, maybe it won't seem so bad tomorrow.

OP posts:
excellentday · 09/08/2022 16:56

You handled it briliantly. How entitled to think his office location trumps your DC playing outside in the school holidays!!

If you want a new activity for your dc, I'd invest in a pogo stick. Cheaper than a trampoline but equally as annoying.

Hopefully he'll move his office back to where it once was!

MotherofTerriers · 09/08/2022 16:57

If he's still name dropping at a loud volume, and he might be if he's working till 6.30, I'd record him from your garden. Just until you've got a couple of company names recorded. Then if he comes round/complains again play it back to him and ask how long he'll have his very important job when his very important boss or his very important client realise that he is breaching many many important confidentiality rules.

TheKeatingFive · 09/08/2022 16:57

I think you need to start some Very Important drum lessons

So early in the thread, but this nailed it for me. Maybe throw in a brass band.

YouTrip · 09/08/2022 16:59

Well done for standing your ground.

What a silly, entitled sausage.

SheSaidHummingbird · 09/08/2022 17:00

You need to womansplain to your neighbour:

"I don't think you understand. In this house, Pokemon and coffee on the patio are Very Important.

Very.

Important."

rightonthyme · 09/08/2022 17:01

Get your tambourines and vuvuzelas out OP! My asshole neighbour is planning an office like this and he's a hateful dick, so I intend to blast Bizet at him interspersed with viagra ads.

Blablasheep · 09/08/2022 17:04

What a twat!
If he complains again maybe you can suggest he buys a detached house in the countryside as he surely can afford it seeing as he has SUCH AN IMPORTANT job.

Goodadvice1980 · 09/08/2022 17:05

I’ve heard some 50 Cent song lyrics are a bit fiesty, get playing those tunes 👍 🎶

Alwayswonderedwhy · 09/08/2022 17:06

Hahaha. What a dick. Just ignore him. I doubt anyone that holds meetings that are so important would live in a house where their windows are so close to the neighbors. Surely he should be in a big country mansion somewhere?

Wheresthebeach · 09/08/2022 17:08

doubleshotcappuccino · 09/08/2022 14:40

Some people are just born with a different level of entitlement and lack of empathy for others. Enjoy your garden and don't be swayed ! You've also done a great of role modelling polite but firm boundaries for DC so big thumbs up all round

This! And yes, it's a shame you'll have to hear your twat of a neighbour.

YankeeDad · 09/08/2022 17:11

The crux of the matter is, he sounds like a self-aggrandising asshole.

Yorkshirepuddingwithsyrupnotgravy · 09/08/2022 17:13

Record his calls for when he pops round to speak man-to-man to your DH and you can point out his lack of GDPR compliance re confidentiality.
I'd be strimming the hedge or getting out the leaf blower or mower every time he starts his calls. But I'm very passive aggressive 😁

Changechangychange · 09/08/2022 17:14

Mustardbay · 09/08/2022 14:40

I think you need to start some Very Important drum lessons

This. Don’t your children like playing basketball? I hear the bouncing is pretty loud and annoying.

DuchessDarty · 09/08/2022 17:15

YANBU.

I'm another chuckling at Very Important Drum Lessons.

As long as your DC and his friends weren't shouting or screaming, then they're doing nothing wrong. It's the school holidays.

Both sets of my NDNs (terraced house) speak in a SHOUT when in their gardens. The other evening when peacefully sitting in the garden reading, my 13 year old son and I heard one of them and her friends loudly discussing sugar babies and how one of their friends has sex for money.

SheSaidHummingbird · 09/08/2022 17:16

Next time you see him, casually ask a question regarding some sensitive infomation. If he's been so kind as to move his office closer to the patio, you may as well make a contribution to those Very Important meetings that you're now part of.

"Hey Neighour, did you close on that deal with Company 1? Those terms though, gee, I'd negotiate if I were you. Your boss is right, Mike at Company 2 really is an arse and my husband agrees that he's pushing his luck with those terms. Oh, and could you pass on the message to Barb in Finance that I won't be able to make pilates this week?"

He might decide to shut the window.