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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accommodate Very Important Neighbour's new home office?

739 replies

Knitwit101 · 09/08/2022 14:35

We've lived next door to these neighbours for years. Know each other well enough to say hi, put bins out on holiday, but we're not friends. We've been using our garden in the same way for years. No changes on our side, nothing new.

We've come back from holiday to find neighbour has re-organised his home office and he now sits at a massive (open) window right on the boundary between our gardens. That must have been a spare bedroom before maybe, I don't know. We never saw anyone in it.

I sat outside at our patio table this morning to have a coffee and I could hear every word he said through his open window, could hear every word his colleagues said on their online meetings. He might as well have been sitting at the table with me. Not sure there's much I can do about that, he can use his house however he likes.

Ds10 and his pals are sitting outside at the table trading Pokemom cards. There's 4 of them, they are laughing and chatting but they're not shouting or being silly. And it's a sunny afternoon in the school holidays, they can be outside laughing in the garden if they want to be.

Neighbour has just come to the door to ask me if I can take them inside because he has a full afternoon of work meetings and their noise is distracting him.

I said "what, the whole afternoon? You want them to stay indoors all afternoon?"

He said completely straight-faced "I'll be working till 6.30pm"

I laughed and said "well no, that won't be possible".

At this point he said in a very slow, careful, mansplaining voice just in case I couldn't follow him "I don't think you understand. I have a Very Important Job. These are very important meetings. I negotiate multi-million dollar contracts every day, I need to be able to concentrate."

Seriously? I always though he was a bit of a twat but who talks like this? Who actually says "Very Important" like that? Twice? He has no idea what my job is or how important dh or I might be.

I just said "no, we'll carry on using our garden as we always have. Maybe you could close your window when you're needing to concentrate. And just so you're aware, I can hear you and your colleagues when your window is open, I hope you're not saying anything confidential. I must get on, thanks for doing the bins while we were away" then shut the door.

He's gone, I can hear him on his Very Important Meeting. I could join in, I can hear every word on both sides. I suspect he'll be back, probably when dh is back from work so they can talk man to man.

He's unsettled me though, he was so self-confident when he came to the door, so sure that he would get exactly what he wanted. How do you get that kind of confidence? I wish I had it. Or is it arrogance? He made me think I was in the wrong at first.

We love our garden, we use it all the time. I'm not sure how we'll deal with this one, but I wasn't BU by refusing to bring the kids inside, was I? He's the one who has made the change, not us. I don't think wfh is new for him, he was just somewhere else in his house before I guess. Now he's on top of our patio with his big booming voice. I feel quite sad about it, if he's there all day every day it's going to be awful.

OP posts:
Thatboymum · 09/08/2022 16:19

I think working from home is hard I have to do it in my dining room that has patio doors to the garden because it’s the only place I could accommodate all the systems I need I get super distracted even when my doors are closed with my neighbours toddlers screaming in the garden and my jobs highly confidential so I need to be private and confidential but I wouldn’t ever ask them to go inside or be quiet or change how they live because it’s not there problem it’s mine, on the whole tho I love my neighbours and they are super respectful of me but kids will be kids lol

Wheresmymoneytree · 09/08/2022 16:19

Your DC was also holding a very important meeting by the sounds of it.

His very important meeting is only important to him, not you or DC.

JudgeJ · 09/08/2022 16:20

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 09/08/2022 14:55

Yeah, it keeps up maybe contact his Very Important Business and say you can hear everything he said. What. A. Tool.

If this escalates I would find out who his employer is, if he has one, and let them know that he is publicly broadcasting their commercially sensitive business to the word.

TheMerryWidow1 · 09/08/2022 16:20

my next door neighbour is as big headed as yours, always quoting "I'm a very intelligent man you know". But even worse he sits in the actual garden all day on calls and drinking his wine!

InquiringMinds · 09/08/2022 16:22

Fab idea @JudgeJ !

rarelyontime · 09/08/2022 16:22

TBH, although you can't bear to listen to Very Important Man with his Very Important Job, I would.

I'd dutifully make some notes on his Very Important Clients and their Very Important Deals, and I'd repeat some of the Very Important Details to him next time he comes over. Then ask him if any of that was meant to be confidential.

Kup · 09/08/2022 16:23

At this point he said in a very slow, careful, mansplaining voice just in case I couldn't follow him "I don't think you understand. I have a Very Important Job. These are very important meetings. I negotiate multi-million dollar contracts every day, I need to be able to concentrate

Seriously? I always though he was a bit of a twat but who talks like this? Who actually says "Very Important" like that? Twice? He has no idea what my job is or how important dh or I might be

That's too funny. Sounds like you handled it well. Hopefully he will have a moan about you to his wife or friends and they will also point out what a pompous twat he is. Grrr I really dislike knobs like that.

I had a (pompous male twatty) Neighbour tell me off about something in a ridiculous way but he must have discussed it with his family afterwards as he came round later to apologize for the misunderstanding. There was NO misunderstanding.

stopringingme · 09/08/2022 16:23

You must say 'The crux of the matter is ' in every conversation with him or to anyone you speak to in your garden when his window is open, get your husband to say it to him a lot if he comes to have a very important word with him later about his very important job.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/08/2022 16:24

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 09/08/2022 15:27

You are missing a trick here OP. He clearly has no problem with broadcasting his Very Important Meetings into your garden, so I would take things one step further and start joining in.

When he pompously imparts a particularly grand announcement, I'd shout, "Oh, I wouldn't do that Derek! The interim dividends have yet to be announced!" In pre-team meeting chit chat, you could pipe up, "How's that boil on your bum doing Clive? Has Celia managed to pop it yet?". You get my drift.

He'll have that window closed as fast, your deckchair may be blown over in the downdraft

Brilliant suggestion!

I'm howling at the boil on the bum!!!! 😂😂😂

Jellywobblescobbles · 09/08/2022 16:24

Haha what a ln absolute pr**k he sounds!! Let your husband know whats been said and then ignore the neighbour. You carry on as you were. How he thinks it’s going to work out for him working like that is his problem. Hopefully he’ll shift his workstation elsewhere in the house when he keeps getting the hints off you and children.

Ossoduro2 · 09/08/2022 16:24

Your DS and his friends have a very important childhood to get on with - the long summer holidays are supposed to be spent outside! They are exactly where they should be doing what they should be doing so don’t feel unreasonable.

I’m sure if your neighbour is very important he can get a fan and close the window / get headphones / work from his office rather than from home etc.

Violinist64 · 09/08/2022 16:24

I think you have handled this very well and obviously have a very good sense of humour. I must admit to having a laugh about the ridiculous nature of the whole situation - particularly when he came out to you wearing a shirt tie and…pyjama bottoms! In my experience, who really have Very Important Jobs never feel the need to broadcast it and generally treat everyone else equally. How dare he come to you and expect you to restrict your normal activities in your OWN garden. I feel some Very Important Recorder practice would be a good idea. London’s Burning on continuous loop, perhaps.

Violinist64 · 09/08/2022 16:25

Ossoduro2 · 09/08/2022 16:24

Your DS and his friends have a very important childhood to get on with - the long summer holidays are supposed to be spent outside! They are exactly where they should be doing what they should be doing so don’t feel unreasonable.

I’m sure if your neighbour is very important he can get a fan and close the window / get headphones / work from his office rather than from home etc.

Couldn’t agree more.

JudgeJ · 09/08/2022 16:26

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/08/2022 15:10

IN all seriousness, I'd tell him that he can use some of the money earned from his multi-million pound deals to book a private office, hot desking space or whatever. He cannot dictate how you use your house.

Why are people renting office space rather than going back to their free office? Just curious.

Crumpleton · 09/08/2022 16:27

OP....can't tell from your drawing but is there some kind of panel fencing/hedge between gardens that office window looks out onto?

Think he's got an absolute cheek, well done for not giving in. Hopefully your DH won't have to reiterate what you've said neighbour should accept what you say and have no need to speak to anyone else about the matter.

LynneBenfield · 09/08/2022 16:27

YANBU, he can get a headset and /or close the window.

BigFatLiar · 09/08/2022 16:28

Have the kids around for the rest of the week to have noisy fun in your garden.

Sit there having a drink and listening to some music, or the archers.

Invite another neighbour for afternoon tea.

VioletInsolence · 09/08/2022 16:28

He sounds like my ex husband, particularly the very slow and clear mansplaining😄.

He thinks he’s super-important but I still see him as a kid because we met at age 18 when he was a sales assistant in Debenhams.

He responds best to rules and regs so definitely stress the client confidentiality thing. If you say the obvious thing about him moving his office and then expecting you to be quiet, he’ll probably just say something nonsensical. Just make loads of noise and he’ll move his office back to where it was before.

NotMeNoNo · 09/08/2022 16:28

I think embarrassment is your best weapon. Let the children carry on playing. I have to shut my window at times when my gaming teenager can clearly be heard "KILL THE F*ER GET HIM".

absolutelyknackeredcow · 09/08/2022 16:29

Loving this thread
In addition to the brilliant put down that you have suggested for your DH, I wonder if you could drop in that his professional body ( I assume he is either a lawyer or an accountant ) would be very interested in breach of confidentiality he is displaying during his VIJ..

As an aside, I have a VIJ -although currently on leave - and in my humble experience women with VIJ's tend to just crack on despite the background noise.
Once during the pandemic, my youngest was violently sick during a board meeting. I turned the camera off, got her sorted with a bowl and carried on (we were nearly at the end so not completely mean )

SoftSheen · 09/08/2022 16:30

Sounds like you handled it perfectly.

Tessasanderson · 09/08/2022 16:33

Does you lawn need a cut?

LesLavandes · 09/08/2022 16:34

I suggest, when band practice restarts, that you invite the band home for a bagpipe session in your garden 😂

ScissorsPaperStone · 09/08/2022 16:34

Outrageous of him, OP. You have handled it well though. Update us on your DH and the "crux of the matter" chat later.

HandlebarLadyTash · 09/08/2022 16:35

get a trampoline - that will make him shut his window