Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go to Ibiza with friends for my big birthday

120 replies

morekidsthanhands1 · 09/08/2022 12:18

I’m reaching a big birthday next year. I’ve never been to Ibiza and always wanted to go. I wouldn’t prob go to any of the big clubs, more the daytime stuff and smaller beach clubs. I don’t really know much about where etc but I’d like more of a happy dance vibe nothing too hardcore. I love love love dancing and music. It’s my happy place. I’m always going to music gigs and I’m always dancing at home. Anyway I said to my close group of girlfriends (we used to do a weekend away once a year pre covid but haven’t since) about going to maybe a festival next year. But then I looked at the prices at its stratospheric for some! One of my friends said It’d be cheaper to go to Ibiza than a festival and that got the chat going with everyone agreeing and lots saying they’d love to go and never been.
my DP is def not the clubbing/dancing type and we are planning a separate holiday just us two as his treat to me. I’m not doing anything else for my bday really. Generally I don’t celebrate beyond a family meal out but this is a big one, so why not??
anyway when mentioned to DP re the maybe just maybe idea of Ibiza he flips out and says if I go I’m coming back single. It’s ridiculous to even think of going, at my age! Only reason people go is for sex and drugs. Totally slammed it and then said he was disappointed I wasn’t planning my bday with him. I have a very close group of friends and we’ve been mates for over 17 yrs and been thru lots together, they mean alot to me. But of course I would be doing something with DP and also my kids too. Now I just feel selfish wanting to do something with friends. The chat in the group is now all about Ibiza, it seems lots want to go, my bday is just an excuse, but now I can’t go as I don’t want a fight or atmosphere about it with DP
i don’t think this is one I can reason with him either.
am I being ridiculously selfish and immature going to Ibiza at my age? I’m turning 50 by the way

OP posts:
SleepingAgent · 09/08/2022 17:03

maranella · 09/08/2022 12:47

says if I go I’m coming back single

I think I'd have replied 'In that case, I'll save you the bother of dumping me after my birthday and say goodbye now'. What a controlling arsehole!

OP it's your birthday, celebrate it however you wish. I definitely can't blame you for wanting to spend it with your friends when you DP is clearly such an arse.

Aye!!

I'm going on holiday soon with friends (also in our 50s) and DH only comment was to ask the flight times so he can drop me at the airport!

He sounds like an insecure prat. Or possibly projecting as that's what HE would do.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/08/2022 17:15

@morekidsthanhands1

if you decide not to go to keep the peace with him then you really only have yourself to blame OP

why would you do that?!

u only get one life

coconuthead · 09/08/2022 17:34

He sounds like a twat. Ibiza is a magical place - there is something for all ages there!!

coconuthead · 09/08/2022 17:36

Why does he get a say? Honestly he sounds awful! You only get one life OP go and have a fabulous time with your friends!

Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 · 09/08/2022 17:39

morekidsthanhands1 · 09/08/2022 16:53

This is how I feel too. All anxious even raising the issue.

@morekidsthanhands1 so unfair, you should feel excited about your trip! You haven’t done anything wrong. He has put leaving you because of this on the table, he aught to be so ashamed of himself, but he probably won’t be. Call his bluff, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with this- nothing bad has actually happened! He’s turned something really good into something anxiety inducing

Fupoffyagrasshole · 09/08/2022 18:44

Honestly op you are about to be 50 years old and you are wasting your time on a man who makes you feel anxious and tells you what you can and can’t do

you are not a child - you should never let anyone make you feel like this or control what you do

you get one life - it’s short so so the things you always wanted to do and don’t let some man hold you back

I really hope you go with your friends

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 19:01

I’m just wondering if everyone telling OP to go to Ibiza regardless of her DH’s feelings would be saying the same if OP was a 50 year old man? That’s not to say I don’t think you should go OP, but Ibiza has got a bit of a bad rep and I don’t blame your DH for feeling a bit apprehensive about you going.

Crikeyalmighty · 09/08/2022 19:14

The only reason I haven't been to Ibiza in recent years is that the flight times from airports in London area are always totally crap!! Apart from BA who are hugely expensive in season

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/08/2022 19:24

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 19:01

I’m just wondering if everyone telling OP to go to Ibiza regardless of her DH’s feelings would be saying the same if OP was a 50 year old man? That’s not to say I don’t think you should go OP, but Ibiza has got a bit of a bad rep and I don’t blame your DH for feeling a bit apprehensive about you going.

I would… I send My DH off to a golf week once a year with several hundred fireman. Yes I get the drunken calls home and some years it was the only vacation money we had. He goes on another golf trip to Vegas every couple of years.

@morekidsthanhands1 I know your inclination is to drop the idea to keep the peace. Please don’t do it. Some will say that holiday with your mates is not worth ending a relationship over. But suggest a relationship that ends because of a girl’s getaway is not really worth it to begin with. (I’m assuming with that statement there is no relevant back story that would change the context. ). You will regret not going more than regret ruffling his feathers.

Leeds2 · 09/08/2022 19:35

Just go on the holiday, OP. You know you want to. And just think how you will feel if your girlfriends go without you.

You also know that, if you don't go, you will never view your DP in the same light again.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 09/08/2022 19:38

I also just read your last thread.

You have more issues than the Ibiza party. He tries to control how you bring up your kids as well!

You're so lucky, financially independent, lovely kids and he's handed you the perfect get out of jail free card.

Namenic · 09/08/2022 19:42

Could your family come with you - so they have a nice quiet beachy holiday - and you get a couple of days at a beach club and a couple of days with family? I went for a wedding - the east part seemed v quiet, tranquil, chill.

SunflowerGardens · 09/08/2022 20:08

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 19:01

I’m just wondering if everyone telling OP to go to Ibiza regardless of her DH’s feelings would be saying the same if OP was a 50 year old man? That’s not to say I don’t think you should go OP, but Ibiza has got a bit of a bad rep and I don’t blame your DH for feeling a bit apprehensive about you going.

They aren't married, he's just a boyfriend and an asshole controlling boyfriend as evidenced by previous threads.

Nobody has to tell men to do what they want because they usually just go and do it anyway. Why shouldn't we empower women to do the same?

Original poster
morekidsthanhands1 · 09/08/2022 21:13

If happily have him come along but it’s not his thing. I’m not trying to upset him or exclude him from my bday celebrations. I didn’t want a huge fuss or fight either. I was looking for something music related for my bday with the girls and they’ve suggested this. If you saw the chat… they’re all talking about flights and hotels and which area and won’t it be fab and I’ve not commented anymore now as I feel conflicted. I know I don’t need to ask his permission but I hate conflict and I can’t stand the silent treatment. I’m embarrassed that I’m such a doormat. I thought I’d left a controlling marriage and at first I was so excited to be with someone that didn’t tell me what to do all
the time or criticise how I looked it what I was wearing but I’ve gone and bloody done it again! I must attract these types! I will talk to him and hopefully he will see he’s being unreasonable

OP posts:
rebelyellow · 09/08/2022 21:30

PinkSyCo
I’m just wondering if everyone telling OP to go to Ibiza regardless of her DH’s feelings would be saying the same if OP was a 50 year old man? That’s not to say I don’t think you should go OP, but Ibiza has got a bit of a bad rep and I don’t blame your DH for feeling a bit apprehensive about you going

Yes of course they would! The cool wives would be out in force bleating about how you either trust him or you don't blah blah blah

Your DP is being an arse OP. How dare he project his own pathetic insecurities on to you by saying it's ridiculous at your age. I would go - and come back single like he said!

Wineiscooling · 09/08/2022 22:08

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 19:01

I’m just wondering if everyone telling OP to go to Ibiza regardless of her DH’s feelings would be saying the same if OP was a 50 year old man? That’s not to say I don’t think you should go OP, but Ibiza has got a bit of a bad rep and I don’t blame your DH for feeling a bit apprehensive about you going.

Of course we would! I waved my husband off on his weekend away with his mates to magaluf the weekend after I got back from Ibiza ! We both agree I got the better holiday 😂 it does us all good to have time away with friends - having said that I wouldn’t sacrifice our family holiday for that, luckily we can afford family holiday and weekends with mates this year - next year due to cost of living crisis we’ll be lucky to get any holiday but family holiday will always come first.

felulageller · 09/08/2022 22:35

This is a huge red flag. Dump him.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2022 22:40

Why not go the week after your birthday- that way he gets to spend the day with you if this is his problem and you still get Ibiza with the girls. Given his excuse for being upset he can't really argue with that. Sounds an amazing thing to do

SaggyBlinders · 09/08/2022 22:45

I went to Ibiza a couple of years ago, went to ocean beach club one day and someone was there living it up celebrating her 70th birthday!

Go OP. Enjoy.

Your partner sounds controlling btw.

SaggyBlinders · 09/08/2022 22:48

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 19:01

I’m just wondering if everyone telling OP to go to Ibiza regardless of her DH’s feelings would be saying the same if OP was a 50 year old man? That’s not to say I don’t think you should go OP, but Ibiza has got a bit of a bad rep and I don’t blame your DH for feeling a bit apprehensive about you going.

Guessing you've not been to Ibiza?

MindfulBear · 09/08/2022 23:23

I have gone to ibiza for several birthday celebrations over the last 10 years. And my husband never comes as he says it isn't his scene.

I always have a lovely time with my friends. Go!! And enjoy it. Tell your OH not to worry. It's not going to change who you are because you spend a long weekend with some friends on a warm Sunny island with great food, music and beaches?!!

It is expensive tho so make sure you do a real comparison if looking at British festivals.

heyitsthistle · 09/08/2022 23:28

I went to Vegas for my 30th, and plan to do Napa for my 40th and Ibiza for my 50th! All with my girls.

You should go anyway. Sod your "D"P. What an arse. Have a great time!

SleepingAgent · 10/08/2022 00:13

liveforsummer · 09/08/2022 22:40

Why not go the week after your birthday- that way he gets to spend the day with you if this is his problem and you still get Ibiza with the girls. Given his excuse for being upset he can't really argue with that. Sounds an amazing thing to do

OP update has already said the girls holiday is not on her actual birthday so he's got no excuse for being such an arse.

FamilFeaturesFun1 · 10/08/2022 01:29

You said that this was for a BIG 50 birthday

I suggest that you start planning lots of things to do, with different people

Make it a year to remember !

FWIW I am so glad that I have lots of great memories to look back on for my past big birthdays

FamilFeaturesFun1 · 10/08/2022 01:32

Book it

Book it

Book it

Swipe left for the next trending thread