To want to go to Ibiza with friends for my big birthday

[morekidsthanhands1]

I’m reaching a big birthday next year. I’ve never been to Ibiza and always wanted to go. I wouldn’t prob go to any of the big clubs, more the daytime stuff and smaller beach clubs. I don’t really know much about where etc but I’d like more of a happy dance vibe nothing too hardcore. I love love love dancing and music. It’s my happy place. I’m always going to music gigs and I’m always dancing at home. Anyway I said to my close group of girlfriends (we used to do a weekend away once a year pre covid but haven’t since) about going to maybe a festival next year. But then I looked at the prices at its stratospheric for some! One of my friends said It’d be cheaper to go to Ibiza than a festival and that got the chat going with everyone agreeing and lots saying they’d love to go and never been.
my DP is def not the clubbing/dancing type and we are planning a separate holiday just us two as his treat to me. I’m not doing anything else for my bday really. Generally I don’t celebrate beyond a family meal out but this is a big one, so why not??
anyway when mentioned to DP re the maybe just maybe idea of Ibiza he flips out and says if I go I’m coming back single. It’s ridiculous to even think of going, at my age! Only reason people go is for sex and drugs. Totally slammed it and then said he was disappointed I wasn’t planning my bday with him. I have a very close group of friends and we’ve been mates for over 17 yrs and been thru lots together, they mean alot to me. But of course I would be doing something with DP and also my kids too. Now I just feel selfish wanting to do something with friends. The chat in the group is now all about Ibiza, it seems lots want to go, my bday is just an excuse, but now I can’t go as I don’t want a fight or atmosphere about it with DP
i don’t think this is one I can reason with him either.
am I being ridiculously selfish and immature going to Ibiza at my age? I’m turning 50 by the way

Oh yes just seen your other thread. Take this opportunity to get rid of your twat of a boyfriend as a 50th birthday present to yourself

Absolutely go, I’ve just been for the first time this year with some friends we’re nearly 50. Had the best time and even managed a super club. Also, didn’t do drugs nor did any of us have sex ! Our partners all trusted us and wanted us to have a good time. Get rid of your partner for your 50th and celebrate your new found freedom in Ibiza !

I’ve just got back from my first holiday in Ibiza. I’m your age and I took my kids and my 73 year old dad! None of us took drugs or drank even and we stayed right on the beach in San Antonio.

It's a really special and beautiful place.

Some people are such judgemental lil shits. I go to festivals around the world I don't drink or do drugs I go to dance to amazing music and get lost in it. Yet people still judge me for it- I don't care.

Like my manager who refuses to hold team drinks because I don't drink and it makes her feel uncomfortable - she thinks I'll reminder her the next day or any silly things she does. Even though I told her I don't do that she just refuses. SO our team never do team drinks. I just laugh at her stupid insecurities.

Just go and enjoy yourself don't let anyone hold you back

I can't conceive of having a partner like this, I make my own decisions and my DH would only ever express concern if I suggested something objectively risky or dangerous! I'd go and reconsider the partner instead of the holiday!

You need to get rid of your partner, and jump on the first plane to Ibiza with your lovely friends (provided they all ok budget wise). How dare he be such a dick - people go to holiday islands just to have fun, not all want to go and shag everyone on the strip and take drugs. HE is the one with the issue, not Ibiza!

btw my mum once went to Ibiza for the day with her friends, back in the early 90s! 6 am flight there, 11 pm one back - it was apparently so worth it hahaha

I really want to go. I’d just like to go without a fight. Friends are really up for it on the chat. Several say it’s on their bucket list. We have always made a fuss of each other for everyone’s 50th be it dinner out in London or just bubbles and sushi or cycling to Paris, or big party, or going to a music gig whatever that person wants it we think they’ll enjoy. He def knows I wouldn’t go on my actual birthday and he tells me he’s planning a special holiday for us (tho hasn’t given me any dates to book leave from work yet)
I’ll talk to him again and see if I can reassure him.

You only live once. I plan on going to Vegas for my next milestone birthday with or without DP. Hope you have a great time! 😁

Oh @morekidsthanhands1 surely you see he’s not actually worried you will be unfaithful!? He’s just trying to control you, he doesn’t want you to have fun without him, I’m not even certain from what you’ve said that he wants you to have fun at all. The only way you can “reassure” a man like that is to submit quietly to everything they want, every time, and even then it won’t be enough, eventually he’ll get angry because you didn’t accurately predict what would make him angry.

you had better bloody go. I don’t know what is wrong with your DP. But is your relationship ever really going to be the same if you don’t go. Isn’t it always going to be a source of resentment?
and what if your friends arrange something else for your birthday but decide they still want an Ibiza trip? You’re going to be so upset that you missed out.

have a serious chat with your partner but don’t ask for permission, just tell him he needs to figure out his issue and get over it.

@morekidsthanhands1
Me too!! Also turning 50 next year and want similar. Although I don't think DH would be against it.

I nearly posted asking if I could come 😂

i did similar for my 50th. dh always hates me going away, but he doesnt WANT to go away and I do ...
I am planning 10 days in Asia next year but he's very anti. It makes me feel nauseous when I talk about it to him but i am sticking to my guns

I think it sounds fab! Go for it!

More fool you then, you only get one life, are you going to spend the rest of yours doing what your boyfriend tells you?

Please just go and live your life! If he’s trying to control you on this, what’s next? I’ve had a few boyfriends like this in the past (thankfully I got rid of them!) and I have vowed to never allow to try and let a man dictate to me how I should live my life again. If he can’t trust you then that’s an issue on his part he needs to work on. Don’t live your life with regrets.

Go and come back single! You'd be well rid.

Can I come too? I posted a thread the other day about wanting to go back now I'm in my late 50's. If my husband didn't want to go he'd happily send me on my way with my friends. Of course people don't go just for sex & drugs. Lots of married/people in ltr go without their partner & manage to control themselves. How ridiculous! And how would he know if he's never been? Tell him to stop being such a controlling dinosaur. Like a pp said treat the holiday with him & family as your main celebration & the Ibiza with friends as a bonus celebration. If he controls you like that surely it'll put a dampener on your main celebration with him? And it doesn't say much for the trust & respect he's supposed to have for you does it?

It's not your job to reassure him.

Break up with him and go and enjoy your 50th.

“Its my money, I’m the higher earner and pay the bills etc myself.”

Well that sounds worryingly like he leaches off you. Care to explain that a little more?

So sad to read that early in the relationship you went away on a cycling trip with friends. So when he still knew you might react as you ought to now, then?

And you're not too old. Read answers to my thread & you'll see that! Pete Tong is 62 & still dj's there. Mary Berry went to Pasha at the age of 80, good enough for her then good enough for us! People who were young when it was the golden age of trance years ago are all going to be middle aged now & I would imagine still love to go, albeit in a more chilled out way than staying up all night. Too old my arse!

He sounds like a cock lodger too me.

You aren't married to him, you haven't got kids with him. You are financially independent. You bloody go to Ibiza and have a great time!
He sounds insecure and has no reason to not trust you.
I go away with my friends all the time, home and abroad not once has my DH ever objected to it even when our children were younger.

PS ive seen the clubs in Ibiza but was on a family holiday and would love to go back with my mates and party

This is how I feel too. All anxious even raising the issue.

What a twat he is.