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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No longer love DH

111 replies

Ohno2 · 09/08/2022 06:36

So DH and I have been together for 15 years, married for 6. We have 2 children, 5 and 2. I have just got so fed up of him doing what he likes socially and never knowing when he is coming home from work etc. He says we never have sex (honestly couldn’t think of anything worse), I do not fancy him or care about his needs anymore, I honestly don’t think I can get it back either.

OP posts:
RhubarbFairy · 12/08/2022 22:43

handfan · 12/08/2022 15:35

Why don’t you just leave your kids with him and divorce? Life will be much worse when you divorce and stay with your kids by yourself.

The best solution for you to regain your life back is to leave your kids with him or perhaps foster care and live your life the way you want it.

What the fuck?!

handfan · 13/08/2022 00:41

Just read all her posts. It’s clear that she wants some space, to enjoy her life and is resentful that her husband has a lot going on while she’s stuck at home with the kids.

be realistic: if she became a a single mother will she have more time to enjoy herself? Obviously not! So get rid pf husband and kids all together os the only way to make the op happy. She’s blaming the husband but she just want he life before marriage and kids back.

BlanquitaPerla · 13/08/2022 04:11

Affect the kids how? By letting them watch Mom and Dad grow distant, cold and unlovable. What healthly environment are you providing for your children as of right now? You're providing the road map for how your kids will think a proper marriage/relationship should be.... and you're definitely not setting a good example...

Another question... If your Husband doesn't care for a divorce, I'm wondering if his attention is elsewhere? You're just the convenience factor here. Home, food... shower, bed.. the basics. I can't ever imagine spending half my life with someone and bringing kids into this world only to live in this situation...

I feel so sorry for your kids... I hope that, for them, you'll follow through and leave their Father and give yourself time to heal...

BlanquitaPerla · 13/08/2022 04:27

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EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 13/08/2022 04:33

Fuck sake

Jellyx · 13/08/2022 05:07

I'm surprised at the amount of comments that suggest just leaving. That's a very difficult thing to do and agree with a previous comment about the impact on children. You should try save it- but he needs to be on board.
Is it possible you agree a time and date to talk about your relationship and household responsibilities- can the kids be elsewhere for a few hours? . You can do this with or without a therapist - but I'd suggest , that if you do it without a therapist, then both agree to take a break from chatting if things get heated. Expect things to get heated - you've got a few difficult things to discuss and agree.

You need to agree who has what responsibilities in the household - be specific- who is buying food and doing dishes etc
I'd also make a plan for your relationship - at least one date night a week - can the kids go to bed earlier, if they don't already, so you can have a life together in the evenings?
Also - whilst things adjust or if he refuses to support- please look at supports via family and friends and allow yourself some clear headspace to potentially make a difficult decision.

Original poster
Ohno2 · 13/08/2022 08:12

@BlanquitaPerla Jesus Christ, are you actually serious! I think making a decision like this takes so much thought and planning. You are an arse hole to be honest.

OP posts:
doobydoobydooooo · 13/08/2022 09:40

This reply has been deleted

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You sound like a crack head and I've reported your comment.

vaingina · 15/08/2022 00:35

I think you can get rid of the ick. I went completely off sex with my husband, and it turned out to be early onset menopause. I was early 40s. My husband is lovely though and a very hands on dad. Not sure I could muster the same enthusiasm for your husband OP- not without a lot of fucking change on his part!

Goldbar · 15/08/2022 01:24

It's not 'just leaving' though, is it OP? It's getting out of an increasingly intolerable situation.

This is a man who treats you with disrespect and who you no longer love (or even like). And yet some people are suggesting that you should stay in a relationship with him and try to make it work, which presumably means sharing a room and a bed with him and ultimately having sex because most people would think a willingness to have sex was necessary to make a relationship work long-term.

The suggestion that you need to ignore, and accept the infringement of, so many personal boundaries 'for the kids' actually makes me quite angry on your behalf. It must be very difficult and intrusive to have to share your private space with someone who disrespects you and who you view with disgust in return.

tillytown · 15/08/2022 02:28

You don't love him, and he doesn't respect you, it's time to call it quits. You can both still be good parents when divorced, it really isn't the end of the world

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