Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think if this was your cafe?

123 replies

UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 19:21

I was so embarrassed today! DP thinks it's fine but I don't! He thinks it was ok as we ordered more drinks.

So, today my DP and I went to a cafe with my DMIL and DP's nephew. We all ordered a drink. DP has finished his drink then ordered another. DN finished his drink and said he was going to get a drink from the bakery next door and asked if anyone wanted anything. DMIL said she'd have a tea. So DN got them and they both sat at the café drinking their drinks from next door! DP was still drinking his drink and as I'd finished my drink I ordered another too. I felt so embarrassed. But hoped the fact DP and I still had drinks from the cafe counted for something!

There were other tables free and all are the same size, but I still don't think it's on! Should I apologise next time we go in? We go in there regularly!

OP posts:
FirewomanSam · 08/08/2022 22:46

It is weird and rude behaviour. I can sort of see how it could happen accidentally though, if nephew thought you were nearly finished and wanted to go grab takeaway coffees from next door ‘for the road’, only to come back and find you’d ordered another drink and were staying put a while longer. Even then, if I were in his shoes I’d have said ‘I’ll wait outside with these’ as I’d feel very uncomfortable holding takeaway drinks from next door inside the cafe. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened anyway, it sounds like they were always intending on drinking the cheaper drinks in the nice cafe which is just rude.

I don’t think it’s something you need to dwell on or apologise to the owners for, though. They will probably have just rolled their eyes at the rudeness and forgotten about it by now. They still got your business and your relatives thankfully weren’t taking tables away from paying customers so no harm done. And you’ll know for next time that if nephew says he’s getting a coffee next door, you can offer to buy him one in the cafe instead!

GG1986 · 08/08/2022 22:47

Yes it's rude! Once me, my oh and mil got some drinks from a cafe and sat outside, we had bought some cakes from a bakery to eat when we got home, but she started eating hers and the manager came and told her not to, mil was not happy about it and said she didn't see the problem with it as had purchased drinks from the cafe, I just sat there totally embarrassed.

doyourememberwhen · 08/08/2022 22:48

Was it outdoor seating? I can picture how it might happen if it was but I can't imagine your nephew strolling in with 2 drinks from elsewhere in other circumstances.

doyourememberwhen · 08/08/2022 22:52

Also, do you have a habit of overthinking and being responsible for other people's behaviour? I mean this kindly but you weren't responsible for anything that your nephew or MIL did so you don't need to apologise, speak to MIL or DN or do anything about it bar have an opinion on it.

mondaytosunday · 08/08/2022 22:53

I would have said immediately that they couldn't drink them at the table - why didn't you say so right away?

NancyJoan · 08/08/2022 22:54

If it were my business, I would have preferred you all to leave and free up a table for four that could be used by a group who might order food, as well as drinks. My imaginary cafe does great paninis, by the way.

70billionthnamechange · 08/08/2022 22:55

Oh god. This is so bad. I've got a cafe and people come in with water from the corner shop and only one gets a drink. It's so shit. Use our heating or aircon and buy from somewhere else? Hell no. You're right

fortunately2022 · 08/08/2022 22:56

My sister part owns a pub. Apparently folk ordering soft drinks but adding vodka etc is pretty common. Some people honestly

Corcory · 08/08/2022 23:02

I have owned a café/bakery/takeaway. Never is it acceptable to sit in a café and consume food or drink bought else where. We did have to stop people sitting down in the café with their takeaway sausage roll eating it out of the paper bag!
The only time is it OK for anyone to eat food brought in is when it's baby food.

Lockheart · 08/08/2022 23:07

It's rude but some posters on here are making out like they slapped the waitress and took a shit on the table.

I really wouldn't give this any more headspace - if you feel guilty leave the cafe a tip next time you're in.

Viviennemary · 08/08/2022 23:11

It is really rude to do this. Dreadful. No excuse whatsoever.

SillySausage81 · 08/08/2022 23:15

Was it outdoor seating or indoor?

From your first post I assumed indoor, but your comments about public benches made me think maybe it was outdoor.

If it was indoor then it was phenomenally rude, although if it was outdoor, whilst still rude, I think some people often feel like it's a bit more flexible because it's not always clear where the seating for one cafe ends and another begins, or people might feel like they're not technically in the cafe... so I'd say still not on, but not gobsmackingly rude.

RewildingAmbridge · 08/08/2022 23:17

🙄 it is not like when a parent pulls out a drink for a small child when they are eating themselves, yes the café might sell fruit shoots and squash but not everyone gives their child those drinks, we don't. If DS is with us for lunch we would order food and drinks and food for him, I will ask if he wants milk sometimes he doesn't, he will drink from his own bottle of water. I can ask the cafe for a glass of tap water but that's just creating washing up.

In this situation OP I would've been embarrassed, they are grown adults who had already had a hot drink and frankly if they couldn't afford another shouldn't have had one.

Johnnysgirl · 08/08/2022 23:18

Lockheart · 08/08/2022 23:07

It's rude but some posters on here are making out like they slapped the waitress and took a shit on the table.

I really wouldn't give this any more headspace - if you feel guilty leave the cafe a tip next time you're in.

I hate this attitude. "You didn't shit on the table; how bad could it be?"
Your bar for appropriate behaviour is incredibly low.

Cedricsmum · 08/08/2022 23:19

I was disgusted today. Sitting upstairs in a local coffee shop, a family came in, settled themselves at a table and proceeded to unpack and eat a McDonalds. Just one of the party had a cup of coffee from the coffee shop. I just sat there open mouthed. It’s not very often I’m rendered speechless 😶

Lockheart · 08/08/2022 23:19

Johnnysgirl · 08/08/2022 23:18

I hate this attitude. "You didn't shit on the table; how bad could it be?"
Your bar for appropriate behaviour is incredibly low.

Show quote history

I said it's rude. It's just not the crime of the century and not worth the OP tying herself in knots over - especially as she herself did nothing wrong!

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 23:23

FirewomanSam · 08/08/2022 22:46

It is weird and rude behaviour. I can sort of see how it could happen accidentally though, if nephew thought you were nearly finished and wanted to go grab takeaway coffees from next door ‘for the road’, only to come back and find you’d ordered another drink and were staying put a while longer. Even then, if I were in his shoes I’d have said ‘I’ll wait outside with these’ as I’d feel very uncomfortable holding takeaway drinks from next door inside the cafe. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened anyway, it sounds like they were always intending on drinking the cheaper drinks in the nice cafe which is just rude.

I don’t think it’s something you need to dwell on or apologise to the owners for, though. They will probably have just rolled their eyes at the rudeness and forgotten about it by now. They still got your business and your relatives thankfully weren’t taking tables away from paying customers so no harm done. And you’ll know for next time that if nephew says he’s getting a coffee next door, you can offer to buy him one in the cafe instead!

Maybe that was what he was doing and we confused it by ordering more drinks!

Just a note - we were sitting outside on the cafe chairs on the pavement. So he didn't bring them inside. I suppose he maybe sat down thinking we were leaving soon...

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 23:25

doyourememberwhen · 08/08/2022 22:48

Was it outdoor seating? I can picture how it might happen if it was but I can't imagine your nephew strolling in with 2 drinks from elsewhere in other circumstances.

Yes, outdoor seating, out the front on the pavement!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 23:26

doyourememberwhen · 08/08/2022 22:52

Also, do you have a habit of overthinking and being responsible for other people's behaviour? I mean this kindly but you weren't responsible for anything that your nephew or MIL did so you don't need to apologise, speak to MIL or DN or do anything about it bar have an opinion on it.

Yes, I do! Thank you for pointing that out!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 23:27

mondaytosunday · 08/08/2022 22:53

I would have said immediately that they couldn't drink them at the table - why didn't you say so right away?

I was surprised and didn't know what to do!

OP posts:
butterflied · 08/08/2022 23:28

I've seen people do that. I think it's some cheeky fuckery tbh.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 23:28

NancyJoan · 08/08/2022 22:54

If it were my business, I would have preferred you all to leave and free up a table for four that could be used by a group who might order food, as well as drinks. My imaginary cafe does great paninis, by the way.

There were plenty of free tables to be fair.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 08/08/2022 23:30

How embarassing - cafe owner probably didn't ask you to leave only because your regular customers - either that or they were speechless at the CFery.
I wouldn't go back go anywhere with MIL & Nephew again.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 23:30

SillySausage81 · 08/08/2022 23:15

Was it outdoor seating or indoor?

From your first post I assumed indoor, but your comments about public benches made me think maybe it was outdoor.

If it was indoor then it was phenomenally rude, although if it was outdoor, whilst still rude, I think some people often feel like it's a bit more flexible because it's not always clear where the seating for one cafe ends and another begins, or people might feel like they're not technically in the cafe... so I'd say still not on, but not gobsmackingly rude.

Yes, it was outdoor. And the more I'm thinking about this, I think it may have just been a big misunderstanding!

OP posts:
Benjispruce4 · 08/08/2022 23:31

Not sure how old nephew is but I’d have told him it wasn’t the done thing and to wait until you al left.