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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think if this was your cafe?

123 replies

UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 19:21

I was so embarrassed today! DP thinks it's fine but I don't! He thinks it was ok as we ordered more drinks.

So, today my DP and I went to a cafe with my DMIL and DP's nephew. We all ordered a drink. DP has finished his drink then ordered another. DN finished his drink and said he was going to get a drink from the bakery next door and asked if anyone wanted anything. DMIL said she'd have a tea. So DN got them and they both sat at the café drinking their drinks from next door! DP was still drinking his drink and as I'd finished my drink I ordered another too. I felt so embarrassed. But hoped the fact DP and I still had drinks from the cafe counted for something!

There were other tables free and all are the same size, but I still don't think it's on! Should I apologise next time we go in? We go in there regularly!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 08/08/2022 20:10

I can't believe you were not asked to leave.

OutnumberedByNone · 08/08/2022 20:11

So you bought 5 drinks from the cafe and then got two take away drinks to have? I don't see the issue with that. You still gave the cafe good business.

Were the two drinks something that wasn't available in the cafe or why did they get them from a different place?

Penguinsaregreat · 08/08/2022 20:11

That is incredibly rude. Why didn’t your dh tell DN not to do it?

cushioncovers · 08/08/2022 20:15

Op why did they go next door to get the drinks?

Johnnysgirl · 08/08/2022 20:17

cushioncovers · 08/08/2022 20:15

Op why did they go next door to get the drinks?

To save 2p, presumably.

bellac11 · 08/08/2022 20:18

Penguinsaregreat · 08/08/2022 20:11

That is incredibly rude. Why didn’t your dh tell DN not to do it?

Reading the OP I assumed the nephew was an adult

You dont police other adults behaviour, you can advise them that you cant drink other establishment's drinks at the cafe but you cant 'tell him not to do it'

Pbbananabagel · 08/08/2022 20:44

As a cafe owner, I’d be really upset about this tbf.

confusedlots · 08/08/2022 20:48

Oh wow I'd have been mortified! And would definitely have said something before they left to buy drinks from somewhere else!

Jumpstark · 08/08/2022 20:51

I agree its rude, but not always. We've sometimes brought in food from another shop because my daughter has allergies.

Johnnysgirl · 08/08/2022 20:53

Jumpstark · 08/08/2022 20:51

I agree its rude, but not always. We've sometimes brought in food from another shop because my daughter has allergies.

Then you go to a place that can cater for her! It is always inappropriate.

RaininSummer · 08/08/2022 20:55

Strange thing to do and, yes, very cheeky.

BirdWatch · 08/08/2022 20:56

If it were my cafe I would have told them no outside food and drinks allowed.

Astitch · 08/08/2022 21:05

Oh god that's embarrassingly rude. You just...don't do that.

I'd be worried your DH thinks that's remotely okay!

redbigbananafeet · 08/08/2022 21:07

UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 19:21

I was so embarrassed today! DP thinks it's fine but I don't! He thinks it was ok as we ordered more drinks.

So, today my DP and I went to a cafe with my DMIL and DP's nephew. We all ordered a drink. DP has finished his drink then ordered another. DN finished his drink and said he was going to get a drink from the bakery next door and asked if anyone wanted anything. DMIL said she'd have a tea. So DN got them and they both sat at the café drinking their drinks from next door! DP was still drinking his drink and as I'd finished my drink I ordered another too. I felt so embarrassed. But hoped the fact DP and I still had drinks from the cafe counted for something!

There were other tables free and all are the same size, but I still don't think it's on! Should I apologise next time we go in? We go in there regularly!

Why post and ten disappear for two hours? That's also rude.

Jumpstark · 08/08/2022 21:10

Jumpstark · 08/08/2022 20:51

I agree its rude, but not always. We've sometimes brought in food from another shop because my daughter has allergies.

🙄oh yes I hadn't thought of that! Or maybe cafes could cater for allergies!

Johnnysgirl · 08/08/2022 21:15

Jumpstark · 08/08/2022 21:10

🙄oh yes I hadn't thought of that! Or maybe cafes could cater for allergies!

Show quote history

If you'd thought of that you should have done just that. Cafes can sell whatever they please, you're not obligated to eat there.

Strangerthings4NW · 08/08/2022 21:34

I do own a restaurant and if someone did this I would be really annoyed. However with so much social media backlash I probably won’t say anything.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 21:42

SurpriseSurprise · 08/08/2022 19:28

Seriously rude. A lot of places say you can only consume food and drink bought there. I can’t believe nothing was said to DN that it was inappropriate

I think he maybe got away with it as DP and I are regulars and we had drinks. Think they were lucky!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 21:44

TwoMonthsOff · 08/08/2022 19:31

is it just me that’s Confused why didn’t they get drinks from the premises they were in 🤔

I assume because they were cheaper from the bakery as it was a takeaway place!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 21:46

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/08/2022 19:39

Whilst it’s not something I’d personally do, having bought six drinks in the cafe, I’m not sure it’s as awful as everyone is making out.

Was the drink DN wanted something they didn’t sell? Getting a tea from next door is weird though!

No, he got a coffee! I just wished they'd sat at a public bench with their takeaway drinks than stayed at the café table!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 21:49

thefizz · 08/08/2022 19:49

Had they run out of tea and drinks in the place you were in?

Something odd about using a different premises, can you explain why OP?

I assume it was as the drinks were cheaper in the bakery and DN is on a low income. That's fine but don't continue to sit at the café table!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 21:52

bellac11 · 08/08/2022 19:59

Why did the mother in law ask him to get tea, surely the cafe did tea?

Didnt anyone say to your nephew 'you need to order the drinks from here, you cant bring drinks from elsewhere'

At the end of the day he is responsible for himself, its not your fault.

I think people these days dont really know the etiquette of things.

When he went to get the drinks I assumed they would then move to a public bench. When they didn't I was completely blindsided! I think they thought it was ok as DP and I still had drinks from the cafe. As in the table would be taken whether it was just the 2 of us or all 4. But to me you just don't do that.

OP posts:
SirenSays · 08/08/2022 21:52

If it were my business? I wouldn't care as long as they aren't taking seating away from paying customers.

momager1 · 08/08/2022 21:54

I am sorry you were put in this awkward position. I own a restaurant. If anyone came in with food or drink from another establishment , I would ask them to remove it from the premises. The only time it would be permissible in my opinion is if you had a very young child and had brought things they would eat (by young...i mean high chair young , not our very adaptable childrens menu age) It is beyond rude. The cafe owner has staff and bills to pay. They do not get paid by someone bringing in their own drink or food!

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 08/08/2022 21:54

FictionalCharacter · 08/08/2022 20:06

One of you should have told the nephew that it’s not OK to buy a drink somewhere else and then sit drinking it in the café.
Did your MIL realise he was going to get the tea from next door?
I don’t think I’d apologise when you go back, the cafe owner might not even remember, but I’d tell the nephew not to do it again.

Yes, good point. I should mention it to avoid it happening again!

OP posts: