To ask if you will admit to being the golden child?

[Jumpstark]

I'm often struck by threads where loads of people come on to say their sibling was the golden child. Statistically, of course for every scapegoat there is also a golden child.

If you were a golden child, what was it like. Was it good or bad? And does it affect your adult relationship with your sibling?

Asking for insight as I'd like to mend bridges with my golden child sister. We were both loved but she was always the clever, brilliant one. I still have to hear every little thing about my nephews!

There is something liberating in your parents having a low view of you and assuming that everything that goes wrong was your fault. You have nothing to lose. Why not tell them what you think and live the way you want rather than the way they tell you to? Whatever you do will be wrong. You can't please them, so why not just please yourself?

That's what my golden child brother didn't get.

I wonder if everyone on MN has a golden child sibling because it's vastly more likely to be a male child?

That said, I was the golden child but I deserved it. I worked hard and behaved perfectly and my brother was an absolute horror and waste of space who terrorised us.

I see.

My sister is the golden child.

My only insight is that I'm glad I'm not the one still relying on Mum in my late 40s like my sister is. My sister and Mum work together, it's Mum's business but you'd never guess so and I've got a horrid feeling that Mum has done an equity release on her house as my sister has had lots of building work done on the wreck of a house she bought. I'm proud to be independent, have brought my kids up to be kind to each other and never shown any favourtism whatsoever. I'm very low contact with both and that suits me just fine.

I was the golden child as far as my dad was concerned. He even told my brother that I was his favourite. How fucked up is that?

Luckily it hasn't affected my brother and I, in terms of our relationship because my brother knew it was all about our shitty dad and not about us as people iyswim?

As far as my mum was concerned, I was the first born and was pushed far harder to be successful. And I am successful by her definition. However, she always felt a bit sorry for my brother and he definitely got more of the loving side of her. I was always held to unachievable standards. Of behaviour, of expectations and just how things would turn out for me, whereas my brother was much freer, was scrutinised way less and allowed much more freedom.

Again, luckily it hasn't affected our relationship with each other, because we both knew this was down to our mothers issues, not ours.

They're both dead now and we're both free of all that shit. And you know what? We have a wonderful relationship. We live in adjoining houses, love each others families and hang out together all of the time.

I guess I'm the golden child but I prefer the indulged, much later surprise third child instead although that doesn't flow as well.

My parents had me more than a decade after my siblings and I had a completely different upbringing. With my DSister they were teen parents, DF in and out of prison, living with family. By the time I came along they were early thirties and much more settled and could enjoy being parents more.

I like to think I use my power for good. I intervene between DPs and Siblings and grandchildren if needed, like when my niece came out, and I can push DPs much more if they need a light bit of bullying to get them to do something for their own good like go to the doctors.

Downside is they still treat me like a child while the other two get treated as adults. I'm 45 so I guess that isn't going to change.

He even told my brother that I was his favourite.

Yeah, my father told me and my sister that our brother was his favourite. He did it in this very weird "well I cannot tell a lie, I'm just a very honest person" manner, even though a) we hadn't asked and b) he was a total liar when it suited him.

It didn't affect our relationships with each other, luckily. Brother was a bit of a knob about it when he was too young to know better but he grew up.

I am probably the golden child, yes. This is largely because I fulfilled my parents' expectations in just about every way - did well in school and never got into trouble, got good jobs after school and eventually married someone they really like. My much-older sister would probably say she has been hard done by. In some ways, this is true. She didn't live the sort of life my parents approve of and there is always that underlying tension in their relationship because of that. I feel sorry for her because of that, however she also bullied my siblings and I and terrorised us when we were very little. I grew up terrified of her and still remember how she would call me names and tell me I was ugly and a little rat. As an adult she can still be quite spiteful and nasty though in general we get on fine.

So yes, some of it is to do with who most aligns with parental expectations, but some of it is just because one child is a lot more difficult than the other. I'm no angel but I certainly have never abused my parents or siblings in the way my sister has.

Just curious if other GC ended up marrying another GC?

I'm an only but DP is the scapegoat and is the least favourite. His brother is hideous and every crappy behaviour is blamed on MH. I personally think his MH is used to manipulate his drug using and subsequent appalling behaviours. He's the sort of guy who steals off hard working partners to fund his Coke habit. His sister is ok but is the most golden of children. I feel sorry for her as she has got MH issues as she constantly has to live up to her mothers expectations. It's draining for her I feel. DP is a lovely man who can do nothing right for any of them. They all hate me for no real reason. I'm just hoping DP gets some sort of birthday card this year. As getting nothing from his family on his 50th was a low point for him.

I was the GC. Awful horrible enmeshed mesh which has had catastrophic implications for my life. I am no context now but it has been a hard row.

I often think SG have it easier becUSe it easier for them to escape

Our younger sister who was basically dismissed as 'the weird one' seems to have come out of it most unscathed and is actually the one closest to Mother now and is sorting out her care and financial arrangements as she gets older.

Nah. She's now being promised GC status by a mother who knows what buttons to push (those desperately hoping for acceptance and maybe even love) to make sure she is cared for in her old age.

God how do adults treat children this way? How are they so fucked in the head that they think this is right? These people mentioned on this thread need slapped several times to knock some sense into them, and so does anyone treating their children like this. It's disgusting.

Both my partner's brother and my own brother (youngest sons!) laugh about the fact that they're the golden child in our respective families. It's not a situation where there's blindingly obvious favouritism, but there's definitely a preference.

I often think SG have it easier becUSe it easier for them to escape

It isn't. It really isn't. We go through life wondering why we are so unlovable and with the burden of the hate put upon us.

My db used to openly admit he was the favourite child. Until I gave my parents grandchildren
He’s been dropped like a hot potato for the grandchildren. I don’t really care tbh, I don’t need anyones approval.
Didn’t do him any favours as a kid. He literally had his arse wiped for him. I was left to my own devices.

It's fascinating reading this. I love people's honesty on here, especially those saying they were the golden child because they did everything right, worked hard, tried to be perfect.

I had that experience as the unwanted child- I tried so hard to be 'easy', to take up less space, to need less than my siblings, in the hope that my parents might grow to accept me more. I excelled in school, got jobs from the age of 13 and gave them half of my earnings to cover the cost of me existing, took on extra chores etc etc. It didn't make any difference- they still only wanted my sister and brother.

In some ways, it does make it easier to 'escape', but as @YetAnotherSpartacus has said, I'll never stop wondering what else I could have done to be good enough.

Nope, I've married the scapegoat child. His brother is the golden child and is a terrible narcissist to boot! We are NC with him. Not so much because he'd the golden child, bit because he's dreadful! Dreadful to be around, always causing some kind of aggro, makes everything about him, and how somehow he's the hard done by one! It's quite astonishing to see.

My DH gets most upset at what his mum goes through as a result. She bought him a house. You think he'd be grateful. Nope, it's the source of most of his woes by all accounts. They've given him tens of thousands of pounds that he's spent on nothing but shite. Nothing to show for it. And asks for more money all of the time. He's almost 50!

The thing is though, I think my mil is co-dependent. Being the main source of his income gives her all sorts of 'rights' over him, that she doesn't have over us. The only reason my DH doesn't get terribly involved in it all is because he gets away without being controlled by her. Suits him.

The main difference between me and my brother and my DH and his brother is that we like each other and we saw that this wasn't something the other engineered. We were, whether the golden child or otherwise, on the receiving end of our parents issues and behaviours and that wasn't my/his fault. Whereas for DH and his brother, the golden child also blames the other one for a lot of stuff that my DH wasn't responsible for. Does this make sense?

On the way to my grandmothers funeral my mother made a comment off "off course I was her favourite" this surprised me as I had not felt she had a favourite child.

After the funeral at the get together I went to all 6 of my uncles and aunts and asked them each "who was her Favourite?" They each with a sheepish smile replied " me"

I dont know how she managed that with 7 children and 2 of them were under 10 when their father died.

She did not manage it with her grandchildren she had a clear favourite and it has caused issues amongst the 17 cousins

Spot on.

I was when I was younger.

My dad (who was hugely ambitious) identified much more with me than he did with my DSiS because we had more similar personalities and I was more outgoing and superficially charismatic whereas she was very shy. We clashed a lot but we had a lot in common and I think he thought I was the "one to watch".

He had quite a poor relationship with my sister growing up, in part because he obviously favoured me but also because she was much more resentful of the way he treated our mum.

My sister went on to do a lot better than me (in financial terms at least). She also had the unique advantage of not being drawn to men like our dad because she was onto him earlier than I was. I think being a golden child can be a really poisoned chalice tbh. Children who aren't first in the pecking order tend to push themselves a lot harder.

What, so that never happens? It's all completely undeserved favouritism and never about how the child/adult in question behaves?
Hmmm.

Myself and my husband both admit to being the Golden Child in our families. Probably not to our siblings but to each other. We have pretty different upbringings nevertheless. For my husband it means he is a much more secure, confident and stable person in comparison to his siblings, some of which are very successful and lovely people but have ongoing issues with their parents that my husband doesn't have. It has lead to some animosity between him and his siblings at different points. For me, I didn't realise until I was an adult and my brother's pointed out things I just hadn't considered like the fact my mum has taken me on holidays by myself several times and not them. Downsid for both of us is a lot of pressure to do well (whatever that means), feeling like a huge disappointment if you fail remotely at anything, feeling guilty towards other siblings who weren't treated well and the biggest one is parents (at least one) having zero boundaries and literally treating you like a protégé and as though you are their second chance to get life right, very controlling and manipulative to try and ensure everyone maintains their role in the family. In regards to your sister, I think the best thing is to talk to her about how you feel or felt about how your parents treated you differently growing up/now. It's unwise to label anyone as most people react badly to that and will get defensive.

@entropynow

Oh dear. Special and entitled. Screams GC with no insight. I feel sorry for the brother.