To say “just speak b***** English”

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Ok, don’t panic
I work in hospitality, in England. We get our fair share of people who don’t speak English as their first language, or at all, and that’s absolutely fine. I only speak English but we get by.
But … we have one regular customer who is English, speaks English all the time to his friends, but finds it funny to come to the bar to order his food/ drink and insists on speaking Spanish/ French or whatever he’s decided to show up with today - tbh I can’t even tell the difference. He then insists on talking me through exactly what he said, as if I’m an idiot, despite holding other customers up behind him.
Now, I’m not actually going to tell him to f* off, but I SO wish I could 😂
So would IBU to do so, given that “the customer is always right, even when they are being a dick”?

It could be MH related.
It could only be shitty personality related.
Doesn't really matter as OP has to deal with it.
If your manager won't help then all you can do is ask others to assist so
I second the bright PA announcement voice to the person BEHIND him / the queue in general

'So sorry to hold you up, this Gentleman isn't sure how to order. Again.
Could anyone help him please before I have to move on & serve you all waiting?'

I agree with apologising to the queue behind him, I do this when someone is giving me a bollocking about something that's usually totally beyond my control (weekend was the price increases and how I'm somehow personally responsible for people not being able to heat their homes because there's 5p increase on a pint) or has waited for a few minutes to be served, spent the time moaning loudly and critically and then proceeds to look at the menu at the bar and ring everyone at the table to ask what they want, then look surprised and return to their table for money when asked to pay.
But I'd say something like this, to acknowledge you know fine well he's just doing it to try and humiliate you -

"I'm sorry for the wait ladies and gents, I'll be with you as soon as I can, once this customer has finished pulling my leg" with a nice bright smile to them and then him. Don't be tempted to be rude because it just plays into their hands with people like this. He can then be the victim of bar staff being rude, accuse you of being miserable and be all "I was just having a little joke, poor me, I'm so hard done by"

He's the one holding up everyone else, and he's doing it to embarrass you, and ensuring maximum coverage by holding everyone else up behind him so they can hear you being humiliated. I'd openly, but politely acknowledge that, getting annoyed or frustrated with him is just what he wants.

Unfortunately some people feel that trying to make a twat out of any service staff they come across is their right as a customer as they are parting with money and therefore you owe them more than just what is being paid for.

Anyone who has ever worked wtih the general public recognises this type of twit instantly, OP.

Remain calm, polite and professional, but you don't have to engage. You can just say 'I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying, I just need to serve these people, and I'll come back and help you later when we're done, sir'.

"I'm sorry for the wait ladies and gents, I'll be with you as soon as I can, once this customer has finished pulling my leg"

This is utterly perfect. Please do it OP - AND come back to tell us how it landed!

My thoughts exactly.

That's not very live love be happy of you.

Just say, ah, oui, monsieur branleur ( oh yes, mr wanker) Should he object say you’ve no idea what you said and smile pityingly.
or say excitedly, speak Thai, Wolof, Mandinka ( any obscure language) and tell the person next to you he speaks every language. Go on speak Icelandic today. Oh you can’t ? Have to be English then.

I'm never going to get into Heaven.

'Sir! It doesn't matter if it's in French or Spanish or any other language, that's incredibly inappropriate to say about or to somebody under 18'.

😂The first thing that came to mind was Del boy. But @ParvuliThankYouDebbie got in first. 😂

I had this many years ago in a shop I worked in, a man would come in and speak French, he was not French he would actually pretend to be trying to describe what he wanted, lots of arm gestures and saying " Um how I explain in English". I had taken on a young lad that week and he was fluent in French, I didn't know until he started talking to the man in French.

Funny thing was the young lad later told me that the man had a good few words of French but not enough for a conversation and a lot was made up, he said it was like he just joined up every French word he knew, we never saw said man again.

Some people are just strange

😂😂😂

What an absolute fanny of a man!

Parlez-vous Franglais? www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=franglais

I'd ignore him and not serve him!

Thanks for all the suggestions 😂
I’ve had a good laugh reading them all

For context
I was really just venting about the pillock
I work in a “certain sport” members club, and am often the only person working - covering bath kitchen and front of house - at most there are two of us on shift
It’s not desperately busy most of the f the time

The members of the club, are mainly quite wealthy, and some of them seem to look down on the staff serving them. I’m actually quite a confident person, and do the job I do because I genuinely love it. I’m not “stupid” and could earn more money doing something else, but I’ve done that before and actually going to work with a.smile on my face - and even more importantly coming home still smiling, means more to me than a bigger pay cheque would.

Usually, I just smile and get him what he’s ordered, but yesterday it just grated on me for some reason.