To say “just speak b***** English”

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Ok, don’t panic
I work in hospitality, in England. We get our fair share of people who don’t speak English as their first language, or at all, and that’s absolutely fine. I only speak English but we get by.
But … we have one regular customer who is English, speaks English all the time to his friends, but finds it funny to come to the bar to order his food/ drink and insists on speaking Spanish/ French or whatever he’s decided to show up with today - tbh I can’t even tell the difference. He then insists on talking me through exactly what he said, as if I’m an idiot, despite holding other customers up behind him.
Now, I’m not actually going to tell him to f* off, but I SO wish I could 😂
So would IBU to do so, given that “the customer is always right, even when they are being a dick”?

It’s really amazing some people have friends. Who would want to be friends with such a dick?

Get a male member of staff to serve him

Preferably one that speaks the language he is speaking

Watch him shrivel

Every time he does it, apologise loudly to everyone waiting to be served.
"Sorry for the hold up everyone, this English customer insists on ordering in Spanish & then slowly translating - every single time - so there will be a delay while he makes you all wait for his performance."

Say it brightly & professionally, like a customer service announcement.
Every single time, & use the same words every single time.

I think it's a shame that your managers aren't more supportive. If it's a regular thing and he's holding up other customers you should be able to tell him to knock it off without worrying about being sacked.
My manager told me I don't have to serve anyone that I don't want to serve. They should be backing you up.

Not exactly the same thing but DHs uncle used to try and chat in Italian with the servers at a local restaurant. He quite often got it wrong and the servers would look confused. We'd all die of embarrassment. Then he'd say, "I don't think that chap knew what I was saying, obviously he's stupid" believes Italian was perfect. He learned his "language" visiting his sister in Italy, and even his sister called him a pompous arse.

Raise your index finger and say, “I’m gonna stop you there. This schtick of yours holds up other customers and it’s really, really tired.”

Or, “I really don’t have time to play this game. I have other customers who deserve my attention.”

Sneeze muffin?!

Do you have a nice manager? Can you talk to them about this? When this twat appears, you handing over to a manager to tell him to stop being a tedious little turd would probably solve the problem although I do understand how annoying it would be to have to bring in bigger guns…. Does he do it to all the wait staff? Or just the females…..or just you?

Oh gosh, this reminds me of a time I went on holiday with a friend. We arrived at the hotel late and were on the hopeful scrounge for food! We asked at reception and a chap in a suit nearby came over, put his finger to his lips and told us to follow him. Assuming he was staff, we followed him to the dining room where he showed us a buffet in a fridge and told us to help ourselves. All of this was said in a strong can't-quite-place-it accent. Could have been French but had a sort of Spanish feel too. He poured us some wine and was chatting in broken English about how beautiful the country was.

Suddenly his phone rang and he dashed off to the kitchen to answer it and all we could hear was this loud 'awright mate' said in a cockney accent. Turns out he wasn't staff at all but a single bloke who travelled to that resort every summer on his own. He pretended to be 'high up' in management and to be a local, so that he could pull. 🤢

The staff just seemed to tolerate him!

He probably thinks you're impressed. 🙄

Just pity him, OP. Know that every time he opens his gob people are thinking what a twat he is, his friends are probably embarrassed of his shit.

Customers like this are rife in the service industry and is a reason I refuse to return to it (and they wonder why there is a staff shortage).

I second turning it on him and making him feel the fool that he is.

Next time he does it, when there's a queue and people around to overhear, give him an exasperated look and say 'Look, Nevil, I've no idea what this game is about but you have a queue of people waiting behind you and if you can't order quickly in English I'm going to serve everyone else before you.'

Or just 'I don't have time for this, sir. What do you want — in English, please.'

The other thing I'd like to know is where your manager is? A good manager would have stepped in and put an end to this bullying behaviour the moment it started.

Arseholes like this is why I quit being a barmaid...stupid people who get ruder with every drink....and you have to serve them more than once!

I still fume now when I think about some of the customers...and the regulars are the worst ones.

Never again.

I second or third the PP who said serve him the wrong thing - or the crappest thing and then say "But that's what you ordered, sir."

Can't you speak to your manager about this - he's deliberately time wasting and causing a nuisance to other customers. He's negatively impacting the business. ( thinking in terms of you saying it's bad for business rather than that it's pissing you off !) Lots of places have policies about not tolerating rude behaviour towards staff too.. anyway this person is just getting his kicks out of belittling you so it's not really acceptable - higher ups need to deal with him. If it was my restaurant I would definitely be putting my staff first. And I have worked in hospitality so have come across my fair share of dicks and chancers.

Sadly pub managers usually expect their barstaff to just deal with this kind of crap.

I worked in a hideous social club for 7 months and the manager used to come in with his vile friends and get drunk! They were the rudest and most entitled....

Drunken old boomers.

I ended up quitting. Didn't give notice. They didn't deserve decency after the way they treated me.

I woke up in a stress induced shitty mood but this really made me chuckle 😆

YANBU btw

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat staff in customer service.
He sounds like a total bellend.

Completely mangle his order, serve him all the wrong things, and then say "But that's what you ordered!"

I'd probably say, 'Do you not think this is getting a bit tiresome now because it wasn't even funny the first time. You speak English so you can order in English.'

Bloody bellend.

I could do with borrowing him OP. We are in Spain at the moment and while I can read quite a bit and understand a bit provided its very slow with simple vocabulary ( a bit like you'd talk to a toddler!) .. my spoken Spanish is bl**dy appalling.

Its a very strange thing for him to do and seems quite belittleling

Google translate is your friend. Next time you see him, let him do his franglais thing then, whatever language he’s using, smile apologetically and say that his English accent Spanish/French/ makes it hard for you to understand what he’s saying. Job done.

Just give him a glass of tap water and move on to the next customer.