Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How often would you see her?

94 replies

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 21:46

Sil due to come visit in a few weeks, for a week. They’re not staying with us, but in a hotel 25 minutes away (we live abroad)
They want to see Dd, which I understand. How often would you see them/meet up/have them over?
It’s also dh’s two week break and I really didn’t imagine spending it with them lots.
Bit of background..I’m not keen on her, she’s a v strong personality. I was v intimidated by her when younger, I’m not now.
She’s stayed with us before and bitched about me (doesn’t know I heard) and left her stuff messily all over the place etc etc.
There’s always lots of drama in his side of the family and we try not to get involved..,she falls out with their other brother and her own mum, they’re the type that post drama on Fb, I hate it 🙈
Know I have to be polite etc, but how would you do visits/meet ups?

OP posts:
weekendninja · 07/08/2022 21:48

I'd do one meet up then leave the rest to your DH and DD.

During those times I'd schedule in things for me.

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 21:49

@weekendninja What excuse could I make that I'm not going at the other times though?
Also how many do you think Dh should do? It’s a fair drive there and back and we’re skint at the moment so can’t do loads of lunches out etc…I just wanted our holiday to be for us

OP posts:
CherryColaRoller · 07/08/2022 21:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

EatingWormsMichael · 07/08/2022 21:51

Id say three meet ups in a week. Up to your partner really as I think they should do the visiting with dd, not you. You could maybe show your face once??

Presumably if she wanted to see lots of you she'd have asked to stay at your home or booked somewhere closer.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 07/08/2022 21:52

Its only for a week FGS .

weekendninja · 07/08/2022 21:53

DH can do as many as he wants.

I'd explain to your DH that you'd rather not (I guess he'll know the reasons why) and make a plan accordingly.

Something like; 'weekend is on leave this week and had a few things planned. For the most part it'll be myself and DD'.

From what you say about SIL she'll be happy for you not to be there too!

godmum56 · 07/08/2022 21:56

such a shame that's the fortnight you have booked to go away and you won't be there AT ALL

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:02

@CherryColaRoller @IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls

Every day 😳I don’t think even they’d want that would they?! Wouldn’t they want to have a bit of holiday to themselves and see different places too, not just be at our house

OP posts:
Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:04

@godmum56 If only…it’s annoying as Dh’s boss only told them recently these are the weeks he’s closing (v hot in August to work) we haven’t had chance to book anywhere but could maybe go somewhere local
for a few days. Didn’t really want to spend his time off seeing others though, just wanted some family time

OP posts:
CherryColaRoller · 07/08/2022 22:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NancyJoan · 07/08/2022 22:09

Have to you once, meet them for lunch once. If your DH wants to, he can meet them for drinks one evening too.

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:10

@CherryColaRoller Yes, but as I said, we’re skint at the moment so can’t afford to go doing hour round trips and lunches out etc at the moment. Any money we do have we're trying to save back to do a few bits as a family

OP posts:
godmum56 · 07/08/2022 22:11

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:04

@godmum56 If only…it’s annoying as Dh’s boss only told them recently these are the weeks he’s closing (v hot in August to work) we haven’t had chance to book anywhere but could maybe go somewhere local
for a few days. Didn’t really want to spend his time off seeing others though, just wanted some family time

be a pity if you all got covid.......

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:11

@NancyJoan I think they’d always want Dd there and if I don’t go, he’d wonder why not. I think twice is ok though, but I’m guessing they won’t!

OP posts:
Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:12

@godmum56 We all had it (for real) recently in May 😩

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 07/08/2022 22:14

She's not staying with you this time, so how is the messiness relevant?
And God, a week won't kill you.

mycatisannoying · 07/08/2022 22:16

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:10

@CherryColaRoller Yes, but as I said, we’re skint at the moment so can’t afford to go doing hour round trips and lunches out etc at the moment. Any money we do have we're trying to save back to do a few bits as a family

So you can't go out and don't want them at yours. They can't win, can they really ...

Thatiswild · 07/08/2022 22:19

Three times, go up to them once, host them once, take a picnic out to meet them somewhere local to you once. Time limit of 3hr per time. Might be longer if they’re at yours but surely you can cope with that. Any more than that just let your dh take your dh to see them at a park or whatever. You can feel too tired.

Ragwort · 07/08/2022 22:20

What does your DH want to do? Surely he can do his own thing (with your DD) - you sound as though you like to be in control.

TeapotTitties · 07/08/2022 22:22

Every day.

I'm sure you and DH can take it in turns, so you don't have to see her for the whole week.

godmum56 · 07/08/2022 22:25

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:12

@godmum56 We all had it (for real) recently in May 😩

you can get it twice you know.....

TeapotTitties · 07/08/2022 22:26

Why is the OP being encouraged to lie about having Covid??

Confusedteatowel · 07/08/2022 22:27

Have they come especially to see you? Or do you live in a tourist hot spot?

karmakameleon · 07/08/2022 22:30

I don’t get on with my sister in law but would expect to see her at least once in a week. DH could catch up with her more if he wanted. I would imagine that SIL has things she wants to do with her family so she won’t be hanging round every day.

Natty13 · 07/08/2022 22:31

My brother lives abroad and what we do when I visit by myself (I go a couple of times a year by myself without DH and kids) is that we don't make concreate plans and my brother texts me morning of whether they are up to a visit and when (they have 2 under 3 sp the house can be chaotic). My brother and I are v close and I am easy going with the flexibility though.

How old is your dd? You could have a couple of visits then use DD as an excuse, say she has a fever and needs to be taken to the clinic. I'm usually really not in favour of lying instead of just being direct (for example personally I would see her twice if it suited me and if she complained I would say that I had heard her bitching about me and I choose not to spend time with peiple who do that) but if she is the dramatic type it may just be easier to make excuses.