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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How often would you see her?

94 replies

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 21:46

Sil due to come visit in a few weeks, for a week. They’re not staying with us, but in a hotel 25 minutes away (we live abroad)
They want to see Dd, which I understand. How often would you see them/meet up/have them over?
It’s also dh’s two week break and I really didn’t imagine spending it with them lots.
Bit of background..I’m not keen on her, she’s a v strong personality. I was v intimidated by her when younger, I’m not now.
She’s stayed with us before and bitched about me (doesn’t know I heard) and left her stuff messily all over the place etc etc.
There’s always lots of drama in his side of the family and we try not to get involved..,she falls out with their other brother and her own mum, they’re the type that post drama on Fb, I hate it 🙈
Know I have to be polite etc, but how would you do visits/meet ups?

OP posts:
Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:31

@mycatisannoying It was just an example of many many things she did and does, generally rude, mean and no respect

OP posts:
Winterautumn · 07/08/2022 22:34

They’ve travelled abroad to stay within a short drive from you .. surely you’d at least invite them over once and arrange to visit them at least once. It’s only a week.

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:35

@mycatisannoying Would be fine with them
at ours once and us driving to them/spending money etc once.
If you’d been through the same…hosted her for a week, always been welcoming etc and she basically bitched where you could hear her, whilst being a guest at someone’s house, left it an utter state, didn’t help with anything and got bought lunches out…would you want to see that person every day?

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Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:35

@Winterautumn That seems appropriate to me and happy to do that…I’m not sure if they’re expecting more though

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Boymummax2 · 07/08/2022 22:36

Go out for lunch, deliberately order something no one else does... boom... food poisoning!

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:37

@Ragwort Not at all, I’d so love for them to do that and me have a break at home, he’d want me to come as Dd is a handful at the moment

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Winterautumn · 07/08/2022 22:37

No I think that be fine and then your husband can make any other arrangements if necessary. Hopefully this visit will be better than the last !

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:38

@Confusedteatowel We live in a tourist hot spot, plenty of other things to do too

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TeapotTitties · 07/08/2022 22:41

Is it possible the bitching goes both ways, but she just happened to get caught?

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:42

@TeapotTitties Oh I bitch about her in my head, yes, but not to Dh etc ever

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TeapotTitties · 07/08/2022 22:42

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:37

@Ragwort Not at all, I’d so love for them to do that and me have a break at home, he’d want me to come as Dd is a handful at the moment

Well tell him she's his handful and you need a break.

I'm sure you don't need him every time you take your DD out for a day?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/08/2022 22:45

One day/night would be enough for me.

Maybe DH can take them out for a day trip with DD.

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:53

@TeapotTitties Always out with her on my own..my worry is he’ll think I’m being rude/weird etc for not going, does it seem rude?

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Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:53

@EmeraldShamrock1 It would be enough for me too, but I’m thinking twice at least *Looks better? 🤷🏻‍♀️

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caringcarer · 07/08/2022 22:54

All meet up once. Then your DH and dd meet with her one or 2 more half days.

TeapotTitties · 07/08/2022 23:02

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 22:53

@TeapotTitties Always out with her on my own..my worry is he’ll think I’m being rude/weird etc for not going, does it seem rude?

That wasn't what you said though. You said he'll want you because his daughter is a handful.

Take your DD out with your SIL one day and give your DH a break, then he can do it another day and give you a break. Then perhaps a 3rd day all together.

That sounds fair and of course, not at all rude.

maddy68 · 07/08/2022 23:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This

It's your husband's family. It's just a week.

Or you could make her feel really welcome , ask them what their plans are and fit in with them. You don't have to be with them everyday.

And they probably want some time bu themselves

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 23:20

@TeapotTitties I wouldn’t feel comfortable being with her for the day on my own, they’d also find it weird Dh wasn’t there I’m sure

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Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 23:23

@maddy68 Would you think you should be the one making her feel really welcome though? I’ve done that for the last 20 odd years, I’ve tried and the last few years I finally got more of a backbone about it all. I should’ve never put up with someone who I’d welcomed into my house and hosted, bitching about me within earshot and really not very nice things about what I was wearing, it made me feel really low.
There’s always huge drama and even amongst themselves as family, they all fall out and bitch nastily…it’s not my thing!

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HeddaGarbled · 07/08/2022 23:33

I’d invite her to your home for one occasion to include a really nice meal provided by you and a generous chunk of time. Then I’d leave your H to negotiate the rest with her directly. If you’re invited to participate in any more meet-ups, I’d pick one more.

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 23:48

@HeddaGarbled Yes, I was thinking similar tbh

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TeapotTitties · 08/08/2022 00:00

Booyakkasha · 07/08/2022 23:20

@TeapotTitties I wouldn’t feel comfortable being with her for the day on my own, they’d also find it weird Dh wasn’t there I’m sure

Huh? How is that weird?

Every parent needs a break now and again.

I think you're turning this into a much bigger 'thing' than it is.

Original poster
Booyakkasha · 08/08/2022 00:15

@TeapotTitties It’s her brother who she doesn’t see very often at all. She’s come to see him and her niece, it would be pretty weird if on the occasions to meet up, he wasn’t there and I was 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Original poster
Booyakkasha · 08/08/2022 00:15

@TeapotTitties I also wouldn’t want to be spending time with her on my own to be fair

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londonlass71 · 08/08/2022 00:19

If you don't like her, I would do one or two and make myself busy with DD. Then let DH do the rest with DD if she wants to as its his side. X