To have another child - how do you know when you're done?!

[Unlikelyfarmerswife]

I am 37 and have an 9 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. When I had my second child, I was convinced we were done. As the years have gone by I have been less convinced, but as time ticks away, I get older and the potential age gap gets bigger it makes me question if stopping at two is the right thing.

We have had issues in the past with miscarriages so I am fully aware nothing is guaranteed but I just can't shake the feeling - the absolutely sensible thing to do would be to stop, we have two beautiful children and life is just starting to get a bit easier with them both at school etc. But I've just got a nagging feeling we would regret not trying.

AIBU to consider trying for another child?!

Emotional joy yes. However there comes a point where then practicalities overrule that, which is why many stop at 2.

It stopped when we moved to our current house - all the kids had their own room there was no easy slot in for another child and youngest was 6 coming up to 7.

Apparently the population planners in china had actually wanted a 2 child policy but a 7 year gap between because they found much less opposition and less gender selection/abandonment with that option and many got there and then decided no anyway.

Up till then it was reasons why it was a bad idea - though we were probably fortunate we were never both broody at same time mainly due to extremely poor health care experiences with our third.

We'd always wanted three because generation above us in both of families is mostly all 2 children and their relationships are all pretty bad and all had anything but 2 children themselves - so felt it was 1 or 3 to start with - and then after pfb wanted more but now glad we didn't.

That's not what you meant in your inane post.
Are you 10 years old or something?
And what's with the laugh-cry emoji?

@KangFang you don’t know what emojis mean but you’re asking if I’m 10? Are you ok?

@KangFang whqt I meant was what I said; a 3re child brings you a 3rd child… a 1st child brings you 1 child…. It’s really very, very simple.

My second post also meant exactly what was said but you’ve chosen to ignore that one and act as though you don’t know what a laughing emoji means. You’re either very new to technology, incredibly unintelligent or decades past child bearing age. Or all 3.

@MercurialMonday Even China is now panicking about population decline and trying to encourage couples to have 3 children. One for mum, one for dad and one for the state, is the line apparently. So OP if you do have a 3rd you can pat yourself on Theo back for doing your bit for the economy!

Your life sounds miserable tbh. And yes you are a hypocrite.

China has a massive potential problem- not least they got old before they got rich. Some of it's their cultural practises such as insane working hours 6-9-6 - 6 am to 9pm 6 days a week and small living places which are only just starting to be thought about.

Even countries that have looked at barriers and brought in effective programs only manage to slightly raise birth rates.

We've never regretted our third - she is entirely unique completely great and she has brought a hell of a lot to our family but we generally enjoy parenthood even now they are in their teens.

I think it's probably always worth considering why you want any child - but that goes for the first not just later kids- I think even now too many people just do it because they feel it's expected.

We've overall enjoyed parenthood and thus it's probably not a surprise we went for the max number we felt we could realistically afford - and I think with clear heads three was it. There are resource limits - housing costs is a big one - car size with three can be an issue - as they get older you hit clubs phase with a lot of running around in the early evenings - childcare costs - there are time and money costs to consider and what Op can afford depends on their circumstances and if and what compromises they feel they can make.

Thanks for this thread. I have two children who are nearly 6 & 18 months. Part of me would like a 3rd child but another part of me feels run ragged by the two I have and I think it would be best to stop here while I'm just about on top of things. I have lots of things outside motherhood that give me fulfilment and that I would find hard to balance with an extra human needing needing needing all the time. Personally I would like to move forwards now so were I to have another child (unlikely) then I think I would need to do it sooner rather than later. This goes against my general views on child spacing though (where unlike most I favour slightly larger age gaps so

Pressed post too soon but think my post is coherent enough to leave it be. Sorry!

What do you want to analyse? A third child would be a brand new person, a new sibling, a new potential line of descendents, a new citizen who may have a potentially amazing impact on the future.

Op I had my third in February and our family finally feels complete. I always had a niggle that I wasn't finished and that there was space for another person in our family. I still feel that if I had the resources I would potentially have another but 4 would actually be to the detriment of my existing children and its just a fleeting fancy rather than a yearning.

Also, I live in a country with a falling birth rate which is not good for the future economy. Having more children is actually financially incentived by the government, so I feel no guilt whatsoever for bringing another person into the world.

I have a lovely life thank you, I don't go around in rose tinted glasses thinking the world is full of sunshine and roses. Maybe it's down to extensive and horrendous childhood trauma that I was subjected to from a young age, which makes me more realistic?

I don't see how I was a hypocrite when I wasn't aware of the issues with the environment 10 years ago as I was busy enjoying myself a bit too much.
I'd be a hypocrite if I decided to start having more children. Which I don't intend on.

The sooner we grasp that we need to have fewer children, the better. There is an environmental catastrophe unfolding, primarily caused by human greed and overpopulation.

I really want a third baby, but I don’t want a third child so we’ve decided to stop at two. I love the baby stage and I’m so sad that I won’t get to have that experience again but the thought of adding another ten years of school runs onto our time fills me with dread. At this rate, by 40, my kids will be 20 and 14, won’t really need me much and I’ll have my life back again.

This question makes no sense. 3 would give me one more amazing person in my family!

The question for me was: can you afford this extra person?

I couldn't, I didn't have the money, or time, or help, or emotional resources. So I have 2 amazing people, and it was the right decision.

This thread is like a bingo card.

• Snuggly hugs
• I had two children when I didn’t know about climate change despite it being headline news since the 1990s and because of that you shouldn’t have a third
• I’m contributing future taxpayers and shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for it
• You do you hun!
• Climate change is a thing but I’d rather have more kids then worry about it

With critical thinking skills like this, you can see why people just have loads of kids and fuck the consequences.

What will 1 child give you that 0 has not? What will 2 children give you that 1 has not? Etc etc
Its not a logical exercise, having children

What will 1 child give you that 0 has not?

Well, a child, obviously. You go from being childfree to being a parent.

What will 2 children give you that 1 has not? Etc etc.

It gives you a sibling for the first child, a playmate, the opportunity to watch them bond..assuming they don't hate each others guts which is by no means a given.

Its not a logical exercise, having children

It can be, if people think about it logically and don't make the decision based on hormonal surges or sentimental feelings about kids getting older and needing them less.

I paid for my own driving lessons and was one of 2. My parents didn't fund my time at uni either. Had to get on with it myself. That's what grants are for.

I have four DC which I find is just the perfect number. Lots of fun watching them all growing up together, love playing music with my older children. Younger ones look up to the older ones.

However, my sibling doesn't want any children at all.

It all balances itself out.

This is what I'm saying @halfsiesonapotnoodle but apparently I'm a massive hypocrite because I accidentally got caught pregnant and didn't want to abort.

@halfsiesonapotnoodle We are having fewer children! Dramatically fewer than ever in history! The population of the western world is already decreasing. This is what people can't seem to grasp. We were told so long about overpopulation.

If you want the UK population to go down, it's very simple: ban all immigration. Every year there will then be fewer people on the British Isles. However, good luck getting a doctor or a carer or a farm worker when you need one.

The global fertility rate is already 2.4. Break even is 2.1. The UK is at about 1.6.

Money.

my husband is high earner and i’m stay at home mum. Despite we able to afford more children but we decided to have only 2. Because i want to give the best for them.
best education
best holidays
best extra activities
basically i want to be able to afford whatever they need. So two is enough for us.

you can see why people just have loads of kids and fuck the consequences.

With the UK’s fertility rate of 1.7 or whatever it is now, it’s difficult to imagine who is actually doing this, tbh.

There are a lot of these threads lately with people advocating the MN two-child policy 🧐

There are a lot of these threads lately with people advocating the MN two-child policy

I've been on MN for almost 15 years. I agree - the advent of these threads/comments recently is something I've also noticed.