Too young to be an Uncle?

[Sunshine3589]

DH step brother is 14. SIL has a 4 year old DD. Their DF and his 2nd wife say that the step brother doesn't want to be called Uncle. Is 14 too young to get called Uncle? I think it's a shame for SIL's DD. She is only 4 but in a few years, will she not wonder why DH step bro doesn't want to be her uncle? The 2nd wife didn't want to be Gran at first despite the title being offered to her by SIL, although she took it once SIL DD was 1ish. I think it creates a family divide between the old and new families with the new family wanting to keep old family at arms length. They live miles away from each other and see each other once or twice a year so it's not a big ask IMO for step bro to be Uncle SB.

AIBU?

Definitely yabu

Plus it's none of your business!

My nephews call me and my brothers by our first names. It was my choice. We were always incredibly close and they know I'm their auntie. It's fine!

It's up to Stepbrother to decide. I am 'aunty' to nieces on my side but my husband is not 'uncle' to the ones on his side. Doesn't make the blindest bit of difference to any of our relationships which are close.

Well he kind of is her uncle, albeit a step uncle, so there's no changing that. Maybe he just wants to be called 'Bob' instead og 'Uncle Bob'. I think this is fair enough. It doesn't really change anything. I'm sure when he is older and a bit more mature he will be less bothered and the two kids will work their own relationship out between them.

If he doesn't want to be called uncle then YABU

Asking someone to be called Uncle in their teens might be seen as a big ask. If the 14 year old prefers not to use the term I think that's fair enough.

DS has a friends who’s step Aunt is a couple of school years below. DSs friend doesn’t call her Auntie. It’s not about keeping each other at arms length l, it’s doing what feels comfortable.

He's a kid too really... its going to be more like a cousin relationship than an adult/child uncle/niece relationship. She might like having an uncle in his twenties when she's a teenager though!

my brother was 4 when he became an uncle. No such thing as too young. If this kid doesn’t want to be called uncle then fine. He is still an uncle though.

Fair enough IABU!

@Leafy3 its not directly my business no, but SIL has been upset by it since her DD birth. More so the step mum/gran thing but also the step bro/uncle thing. I had always agreed with her but now I'm seeing the other side which il pass on to her as it seems it may not be as personal as she thinks.

YABU - in my family none of us use aunt or uncle as titles, we use names. My husband's family do use them. Neither way changes the relationships, it's just a personal preference.

My daughters aunties and uncles are all still children still, one is only 2 and my daughter is 8. She still calls them auntie and uncle!

Do you mean step brother or half brother? If step brother AND they barely see him, then in no way is he her uncle. Either way, it’s nothing to do with you. We don’t really use aunts/uncle much in my family once they reach their teens.

YABU. It would be one thing if he was refusing to have anything to do with the younger child; but if it's just a matter of wanting to be called 'Jack' instead of 'Uncle Jack', I think that's only natural. Even some adults prefer that their family members call them by their first names rather than Uncle or Auntie, and I would think it fairly unusual for a young teenager to be called 'Uncle' even if they're an uncle!

I really don’t know why you think it’s so unreasonable for a 14 year-old boy not to want to be called “Uncle Jack” or whatever his name is.

It wouldn’t be unreasonable even if he was her uncle - lots of families don’t have children call their relations “Uncle” or “Auntie”, just their names - I just called my aunts and uncles on my Mum’s side of the family their names when I was a child and I’m nearly 50, so it’s not a new thing.

Then add to this the fact that he’s a child - so fair enough he doesn’t want to be called “Uncle.”

Then add to this the fact that he is not actually her uncle.

YABU

I was an aunty at 12, my youngest niece was born when I was in my early 20s. I’ve never called myself aunty to the kids, though they do call me aunty sometimes, which doesn’t bother me.

why do you care?

I know someone who is a step uncle who is six years younger than his nephew. He just calls him by name although they know the relationship.

In my school we’ve had children who have had uncles and aunts in the same year, or even years below.

To me uncle or aunt is an honorific. I used to call people who were family friends or my god parents uncle and aunt as well as my actual uncles and aunts. It seems odd to actually call a 14 year old Uncle Tim rather than just Tim. It is up to the Uncle in question. My DH was an uncle at 14. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him referred to as such.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Tbh my dc interchangeably call their aunts and uncles by their first names and ‘auntie/ uncle x’ interchangeably anyway.

Personally, I think if there is less than a 15-year age gap, I think it’s acceptable for a technical auntie/uncle to not be referred to as one.
Also just because the stepbrother doesn’t want to be called uncle (what
14-year-old would) doesn’t mean he won’t and can't be a part of the niece's life, especially in these early years considering he’s still a child himself so will likely see her regularly. DN we’ll just see stepbrother as ‘family’.
On the other hand, It was expected that I called my 3 cousins ‘uncle’ as they were all in their 30s when I was born.

Mind your own business and do not be stirring up trouble in your husband's family.

@Yesthatismychildsigh I didn't realise there was a difference until now but you are right, I meant half brother!

SIL has been upset by it since her DD birth.

She wanted to call him uncle when he was 10?Her daughter's 4 and she's still stewing over it?

For the sake of her mental health, it's time for her to move on.

My brother was an uncle at 8! At school I had a girl in my class who was the aunt of a boy in my class! He was older than his aunt by a few months. So what?

Our DC don't use aunty or uncle, just address them by their first names. Unless then name they want is harmful, people should be addressed by the name they want.