Too young to be an Uncle?

[Sunshine3589]

DH step brother is 14. SIL has a 4 year old DD. Their DF and his 2nd wife say that the step brother doesn't want to be called Uncle. Is 14 too young to get called Uncle? I think it's a shame for SIL's DD. She is only 4 but in a few years, will she not wonder why DH step bro doesn't want to be her uncle? The 2nd wife didn't want to be Gran at first despite the title being offered to her by SIL, although she took it once SIL DD was 1ish. I think it creates a family divide between the old and new families with the new family wanting to keep old family at arms length. They live miles away from each other and see each other once or twice a year so it's not a big ask IMO for step bro to be Uncle SB.

AIBU?

@Sunshine3589 ah OK, you hadn't mentioned your SIL was upset by it (I thought it was one of 'those' posts!).

Definitely reassure her.
Step families are tricky and from personal experience it's best to let relationships evolve naturally. In my own, family-role names aren't given, it would feel forced and weird (and disrespectful to blood relatives) but where I've developed close relationships I'll say "this is so and so, my cousin/grandmother" etc.

As long as everyone adopts inclusivity to each other, no one should end up feeling hurt.

YABU. My nephews or nieces don’t call me aunty, I was 9 when my my sister gave birth. It hasn’t ruined our relationship, I just didn’t want to be CALLED aunty, like the 14 yo in your OP.

My grandchildren call my son by his first name they don't call him uncle ..... But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be their uncle. They know he is their uncle . What they calm him is not important!
I don't understand the issue .

It would be ridiculous and hilarious for a child to call another child 'uncle'??!! 😂😂 Loads of families don't use the names 'aunt' and 'uncle'! Just call people by their names. We don't say aunt and uncle in my family, i never did as a kid either. We were still family. This is such a weird post. It seems like you have family tension about something else and are looking for reasons for be annoyed.

@MarshaMelrose you are right. Sadly, I think she would like a closer relationship with her DF (and his DW and their DS) she has taken this as another thing to highlight that they are not interested. It seems though that it could be a lot less personal though.

Never called uncles or aunts anything other than their names in our or DPs family. I had a great nan and she preferred to be called her name by her great grand kids. Each to their own surely

@Leafy3 sadly there is no inclusivity which I think is the issue. SIL was probably pinning more on the titles than they ever would have meant anyway.

Lots of useful comments from this thread and definately a different way of looking at the situation which il pass on. Thanks everyone!

YABU I wasn't called aunt/aunty by my nieces and nephews until I was over 18.

In one case I started being called it because they have another older aunt with my name who they didn't gel with, so to get away with being rude they started calling me aunty as well.

One reason children under 5 just call you your name is that they have a hard time understanding the concept that their parent has a brother or sister, especially one who isn't an adult.

My youngest was 12 when he became an uncle, he was never called uncle but had and still has a fantastic relationship with his nephew. They are sort of halfway between siblings and different generations. I think they both gained a lot from the relationship and not being called uncle didn't matter.

My youngest 3 were 10,12 and 14 when they became aunt/uncles but my grandsons have always called them by their names.

Yes why do you care enough to create a whole thread about it?

If he doesn't want to be called uncle then that's his choice.

My step brother was 11 when my DS1 was born. He's known as a 'pet' version of Uncle.

My cousin is 9. His NIECE is 22. I have no idea if she calls him uncle though.

I think your sister in law needs a grip. Stop indulging her, it’s only going to encourage it.

I became an aunt when I was 18 months old. My nephew has never called me auntie, the disrespectful child (he's now in his 60s, as am I).

😂you tell him! 😂

I have an aunt who was a young teen when I was born and didn't like being called Auntie simply because it made her feel old, so we didn't.

No angst, no hidden meanings, no perceived slights, or shit stirring/making it into something it isn't.

There are obviously other things going on, nit picking on something insignificant like this from a 14 year old won't improve anything so just let it be.

My younger siblings became an uncle at 10 and 9. My sons always just called them there name.

My dad was born an uncle!

It's very common in families with small age gaps not to use the term Uncle or Aunt, and also in more casual families. I agree with your stepmother that calling a lad 6 years older than herself Uncle Harry (or whatever) would just be weird.

It’s really no big deal and not using a standard title doesn’t in any way represent how someone feels about you.

I was an Aunty at 3 months old and with my nephews, we’ve always called each other by our first names or occasionally signed ‘Aunty’ on a birthday or Christmas card as a joke.

My son was an uncle at 4yrs old and again he calls his nephew and nieces by their names and vice-versa.

My youngest aunt was 9 when my oldest sister was born - and typing that has confronted me with the reality that sis is closer in age to aunt than to our two youngest siblings - and unlike the other aunts and uncles she's never been referred to by the title.

That was 1962. I think it's pretty normal standard and long-established that children aren't usually called Auntie or Uncle.

I've been an aunt since I was 7 & have always been auntie for as long as I can remember.

DS has just become an uncle at 14 & he's not particularly fussed about being called uncle but doesn't argue when we use it when talking to baby.

I on the other hand refused to be any form of gran, granny, nana, nanny etc because I don't like them.

It's personal preference & labels don't make a relationship - I never once referred to my step-dad as dad but we had a great relationship.

My cousin is only 14 years younger than my
mom and has never called her auntie, as she was more like a big sister. I, however, call her mother auntie, as she’s 37 years older than me, so it feels natural. Nothing to do with the closeness of the relationships.

I went to school with a guy who's nephew was in the class ahead of us. grow up

There's quite a big age gap between my niece and nephew, and she had her first young, so he became an uncle aged seven. Uncle x would have sounded very strange indeed.
None of mine, including the one who is technically my great-nephew, have ever called me anything other than my first name.

i became an Aunt at 38 but we have never referred to me as Auntie X. I am just my name (and he knows i am his aunt or mums/sister)

Its just a name i want to be called. sounds ancient. And no one else refers to me by some sort of title indicating my relationship to them - i am not SISTER x or Daughter X. and of course i refer to him as Y, not nephew Y.

(if someone asked who i was i assume he would say i am his aunt to describe the relationship but if asked my name it would be X, not aunty x)