Too young to be an Uncle?

[Sunshine3589]

DH step brother is 14. SIL has a 4 year old DD. Their DF and his 2nd wife say that the step brother doesn't want to be called Uncle. Is 14 too young to get called Uncle? I think it's a shame for SIL's DD. She is only 4 but in a few years, will she not wonder why DH step bro doesn't want to be her uncle? The 2nd wife didn't want to be Gran at first despite the title being offered to her by SIL, although she took it once SIL DD was 1ish. I think it creates a family divide between the old and new families with the new family wanting to keep old family at arms length. They live miles away from each other and see each other once or twice a year so it's not a big ask IMO for step bro to be Uncle SB.

AIBU?

If you don’t even know the difference between step brother and half brother, you really should keep your nose out!

I was actually sitting there scratching my head as to why anyone would force an uncle title on a 14 year old regarding a person he is not related to.

golly if THAT upsets your SIL wait till a REAL family problem comes along

my brother was in his mid 20s when I had children and he didn't want to be called Uncle. So my kids call him by his name. It doesn't effect their relationship and he is still their uncle biologically

How bloody daft can you get? My nephews and nieces all refer to me by my first name, I've never been Auntie. We've always been close, no "family divides".

Although my DDs have always called my brother uncle, they have always called his wife by her first name, not aunty, because she prefers it.

It really doesn't matter.

YAB completely U! I hate the “Aunty” thing - I really dont think it’s necessary, as a PP said children still know who you are if they just call you by your first name! I once said to my SIL and MIL when SIL was pregnant that when baby was here I’d just be “Cheveux” rather than “Aunty Cheveux” and they acted like I’d said I wanted the baby to call me Coco the Clown. The whole family was horrified! It felt so affected. I put my foot down at “Aunt”, so now I’m referred to as that by DH’s family (and not by the 1 year old baby, obviously!) 🙄 Really daft to make someone be called something they don’t want, it just doesn’t matter.

My dd was an uncle at 18 months!

Ds!

"its going to be more like a cousin relationship than an adult/child uncle/niece relationship."

Not with a 14 year difference it's not! He's more of a babysitter than a playmate.
I have a cousin 18 years younger than me. Our gm referred to me as auntie in front of the younger cousin before correcting herself. Auntie made more sense though!

I was 11 when I became an auntie for the first time. 10 neices and nephew now, sometimes I'm aunty sweatymess, sometimes I'm just sweatymess, it really doesn't bother me (now in my 30s).

I dunno my mum became an auntie at 1 (same family just a large one with a big age gap because of the war)

As far as I know my cousins have always called her auntie ... they grew up a bit more like siblings though.

What’s it got to do with you what someone calls another family member? This is a non-issue.

My friend has a niece who is much older than her. Would have been quite weird the niece had called my friend ‘Auntie’ when the niece was an adult and my friend was a toddler.

I was an Aunty at age 11. My eldest nephew spent lots of time at ours as we were growing up and we do have more of a sibling relationship than Aunt and Nephew but he does always refer to me as his Aunty.

My sister had her children when I was 5 and 6. I was called Auntie right from when they were born. It raised eyebrows but made me feel very special as all other aunties were so old!

My dc have an uncle who is the same age as my oldest dd. He will be 10 in September. Dd will be 10 in March.

However, he’s 14 and probably embarrassed by it. Let it lay

I call my Dads sisters by their names as they are much nearer my age than my Dads I’d feel weird calling them Auntie when they are only three and four years older than me.

My eldest brother is 12 years my senior. I was auntie to his kids when I was 8. It's really not a problem.

My sons have 2 aunts and uncles much younger than 14, they're nowhere near even becoming teenagers soon! It's fine. 🙂

I think there's a difference between saying "Please call me John and not Uncle John when you talk to me" and saying "I'm not your uncle and I don't want to be". I'm not clear on which is happening in this case. I can understand a teenager feeling weird about being called "Uncle John", and think the mum is probably overreacting about a technicality.

If it's that he wants to distance himself from the fact that he's an uncle because of the step-family dynamic, that's another thing, but accidents of birth don't get to take people hostage for their entire lives. It's a shame when family relationships don't work out as they're "supposed" to, but in those cases a different name won't change a thing.

My OAP father thinks it's weird that my cousins still call him "Uncle John" (to his face, not referring to him) rather than just "John" now they're grown up and have children of their own - you can't win!

My DH would not even consider his much young step brother being called uncle and neither of his step parents are called anything like gran/grandpa. He does not consider them family at all!! Simply the spouses of his parents and so all of us call them by their first names, as he always has.
However, all families are different and I don’t think anyone can be too young to be called uncle/aunt.

there's a difference between saying "Please call me John and not Uncle John when you talk to me" and saying "I'm not your uncle and I don't want to be".

This.

Please, @Sunshine3589, read this and take on board the difference.

Get everyone to calm down about it

I hated not being allowed to use first names for my very many relations and ask everyone to just use my name. Most are happy to do so though relation always adds the 'aunty'. I don't mention it any more and try not to let it grates on me.

Everyone should get to choose how they are addressed. It's not difficult.

I remember a few years ago, putting an epidural in a patient for a Caesarean section. The patient’s DD had given birth two weeks earlier, so this new baby became an uncle the moment it was born!

I worked in a nursery once where there was a little girl who was about 6 months old and she was the niece of a little boy who was also in the baby room, 12 weeks old!!

It is the relationship that counts-not the title.

If other things are going on though it's easy to see why SIL might be reading more into it than intended.

A friend of mine is 6months younger than their Aunt!

I’m 5 years older than my niece and I’ve never been “auntie”. It has no bearing on the relationship we have.

Had to laugh at OP’s “the title was offered to her”. You’re not the Royal Family!