Too young to be an Uncle?

[Sunshine3589]

DH step brother is 14. SIL has a 4 year old DD. Their DF and his 2nd wife say that the step brother doesn't want to be called Uncle. Is 14 too young to get called Uncle? I think it's a shame for SIL's DD. She is only 4 but in a few years, will she not wonder why DH step bro doesn't want to be her uncle? The 2nd wife didn't want to be Gran at first despite the title being offered to her by SIL, although she took it once SIL DD was 1ish. I think it creates a family divide between the old and new families with the new family wanting to keep old family at arms length. They live miles away from each other and see each other once or twice a year so it's not a big ask IMO for step bro to be Uncle SB.

AIBU?

Bernie ecclestone has a 2-year-old who I guess is already an uncle 🤔

I have an "Aunt" who is 6 weeks older than me. I have never and will never call her Aunty or Aunt. That would seem very strange to both of us.

My two nieces stopped calling me and DH Aunty and Uncle when they hit the teenage years. They just use our first names now. It's fine.

My dc were 14, 5 and 3 when they became uncles. They call the now 19 year old uncle and we refer to the younger 2 as uncle sometimes but with the small age gap they tend to just use their names

It is unfair of your SIL to hold her teenage step brother partly responsible for the disconnect she feels with her dads new family. If she keeps it up she risks sabotaging the thing she says she wants. She needs to talk to her father about how she feels, instead of seeing every little thing as a slight.

My dd is 7 and she's a great aunt!

WHat utter nonsense - he is the uncle, it's about you insisting what you think he should be called - and it's none of your business.

I grew up in an era when all adults were prefoxed by 'Aunty' of 'Uncle' - most of my friends children don't use it for their anuts and uncles - it sounds incredibly old fashioned. Growing up one branch of cousins varied in ages by about 25 years, so the children of the eldest were older than the youngest children - they certainly didn'd use the term 'Aunty'.

I was 5 when my first nephew was born, I have 9 nephews and nieces, some of them have gone through a brief phase of calling me ‘auntie’ (the ones born when I was getting into my late teens and twenties) most have only ever used my first name. The older ones I grew up with more like siblings, or maybe close cousins, and calling me ‘auntie’ wouldn’t be particularly appropriate except in a jokey way now and then. The younger I’d tend to buy cards with ‘niece’ etc on, the older ones not so much as again it’s been more a relationship of equals growing up.

They (older set) now have 8 children between them, all of whom call me by my first name most of the time too, although I AM a more traditional type of auntie to them.

We are, and have always been, very close. Everyone knows what the relationship is, loves each other and most importantly knows who can be called upon for babysitting when needed. It really doesn’t matter what anyone calls each other.

If geographically and for various family politic reasons they’re not going to be spending that much time together it matters even less. Forcing an awkward and probably slightly embarrassed teenage boy to call himself uncle isn’t going to magically bring them closer. Maybe when he’s a bit older he will be on with the title again, maybe not but I don’t think it will make any difference to the actual relationships going forward.

We all call each other by our names in my family. Aunty and Uncle are such awful old fashioned titles. None of this mum/dad crap for in-laws either.

Not surprised a 14 yo doesn't want to be called uncle - poor kid.

Actually my sister was 12 when ds1 was born, he's always called her aunt. Even now he's 27 so it depends

I went to primary school with a boy who was a fair bit younger than some of his nieces and nephews. They didn't call him 'uncle'. Somehow the relationship survived.

I am the oldest of 4. I had my first at 19 when my siblings were 4, 8 and 13 ish.

my kids do not call them uncle or aunties.

tbf I know many aunties and uncles of all ages who prefer not to be called aunty or uncle.

I always called my uncles uncles but many don't.

my partner does not call his mothers siblings aunties or uncles.

I know some kids that have auntie and uncles younger than them! My neighbour had a baby young , then her mum had a baby after her!! Her kids don't refer as uncles or aunties, niece and nephew but the kids are incredibly close.

just do whatever sounds or feels right. It really doesn't matter.

I was an aunt by the time I was 5. I don't remember any of my 40+ nephews and neices ever calling me aunt. It isn't a big deal though.

YTA

Just because he doesn't use the title doesn't mean he's less of an uncle

My husband is a lot older than his siblings - when we had the elder children they were both under 13 I think - they've never called them Aunt/Uncle when talking to them but call them their Aunt/Uncle when talking about them - ie so if they were talking to their friends it would be 'My Uncle lives there or you know X he's my Uncle' but they won't call him Uncle X, just X alone

I’ve got a niece who is older than me from my half sibling and so have always been an Aunty, but never called Aunty Steak until my sister had children who are little.

I feel a little bit sad because, as I have never been Aunty to my grown up nieces and nephews, now it’s awkward trying to have my half sisters be Aunty to my DS, as it’s just unnatural, whereas they’re obviously Aunty to their (full) sisters’ children. Perhaps it’s a conversation for when the young uncle is older and feels more
comfortable in their role in the family?

I love being an Aunty to my little nieces now, it’s a brilliant role to hold 🥰

My youngest Aunt was 12 when I was born and my little brother was also 12 when my oldest was born.

My oldest child could in theory legally have children in just 4 years time and my youngest is a baby so would be around 5 year old then if that happened... still that child would be a niece/nephew even if they ended up in school together.

Uncle is just a factual discriptor, it's got nothing to do with age and isnt a 'choice' you opt in or out of.

My dbro was 4 when he 1st became an uncle when dsis had my niece. He was 7 when I had dd, he's now 23 but neither of the girls have ever called him Uncle. I don't see what difference it makes at all.

My aunt is 9 years older than me. The family insisted that my siblings and I called her Auntie Bella. Now when we go out together e.g. to the pub, she hates it (she says it makes her feel old), but it was drummed into me and that’s her name.

@PerspicaciousGreen @FinallyHere you are right. I think SIL hoped her DD would bring the whole family closer and she probably needs to accept that it's not personal but it won't happen. They don't make any effort in the child's life, they don't attend birthdays etc. She should just enjoy the time the spend and not look for more.

@FakingMemories it was meant in a nice way to the step mother to try and make her feel included.

My nephew was born when I was 13, my niece when I was 15. They've both always called me Auntie. It works for us 🙂🙂

my cousins call me uncle, that because im not ready for that

This is a weird thing to worry about. Why is it so important that a 14yo gets called "uncle"? Some families don't use these terms with any aunts or uncles even if they are adults.

Other languages have more options for titles like that. It's pretty common to have a title meaning "big brother" or "big sister" that little ones can use for relations who are older than them but still children themselves. The switch from being a jie jie (big sister) to an aunty makes you feel very old 🤣🤣

Odd fixation of your SIL and I agree with PP that it sounds like the issue is her lack of closeness to the family rather than whether this boy is called Uncle Bob or just Bob.

I do wonder whether she's doing the thing that new parents of small children sometimes do, forgetting that big children are also children. I think it's very common for the parents of a 4yo to look at a 14yo and think "well, he's practically an adult" and therefore expect to be able to deal with him like an adult (in this case, expecting him to put aside his own feelings about being called Uncle Bob for the sake of her feelings about it). But 14yos aren't adults and they shouldn't be expected to play these sorts of games or made responsible for easing adult relationships. I suspect your SIL will look back in 10 years time and cringe with embarrassment about it.

I was a Grandma at 34 and I’m called by my first name. I think it’s lovely.

My kids were aunts at 3 years and 21 months so we’re I just called by their first names.

Everyone does it their own way.

It's up to him. My DHs mum had him very young so his youngest brothers were uncles at 12 and 8, and DHs uncle was a great uncle at 36!