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Original poster

To think the government needs to something quickly to help families financially supporting children at Uni.

562 replies

Fl0renc3 · 07/08/2022 08:41

Mortgages are going up( ours will by 300 when we remortgage v soon), energy bills will be going up hugely, ditto food, petrol etc…. Already making all the savings we can.

We have got to start paying our child £500 a month to live on from October on top. It was already going to be a squeeze.Her bills will be rocketing too so who knows if what we were planning to give her will be enough.

We don’t have a money tree and have 2 other children due to start Uni in the next few years. I know the poorest and the richest will be ok re funding for their child at Uni but there is a massive band in the middle who won’t. Whether or not you can go to Uni shouldn’t be decided on parental income( thanks Tories) but those already there and just starting are going to be in dire straits as are the families supporting them.

OP posts:
DrenchedandDrained · 10/08/2022 10:54

@Nothappyatwork that's just it though, I haven't given up - I adapted and survived.

dianthus101 · 10/08/2022 11:08

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 10:54

nobody has ever screamed in my face in 24 years in the workforce and they wouldn’t dare scream in the face of my children, HR would be the least of their worries. luckily a lot of our young people have got a bit more energy.

You sound a bit naive here.

Of course it could happen. People aren't perfect. It really is best to be prepared for eventualities beyond 'everyone is lovely and treats me/my children with the utmost respect'.

There is “not being perfect” and actual abuse.
It's a bit sad that you are glad about it because it has toughened you up. Would you say that about physical violence? I have worked for well over 30 years and nobody has ever screamed at me. That would be totally unacceptable.
If an employer screams at you it's time to complain to more senior management and if that's not possible drop the job. That's what I am teaching my children.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 11:22

There is “not being perfect” and actual abuse.

Yes. But no guarantee that abuse will never happen. You will note I didn't say it shouldn't have consequences, but your assertion that 'no one would dare' is a bit silly. Of course people might dare to speak less than politely to a junior employee.

It's a bit sad that you are glad about it because it has toughened you up.

You're mixing me up with another poster. I didn't say this.

If an employer screams at you it's time to complain to more senior management and if that's not possible drop the job.

Personally, I've had a client scream at me. I wasn't even junior at the time, I was director level. She was utterly in the wrong (she's a bone fide psychopath actually). However she is responsible for budgets of tens of millions, a hefty proportion of which she spent with my company. I learnt ways of dealing with her, because the alternative was letting some people in my team go, if we lost that account.

That's what I am teaching my children.

I think a system put in place to deal with such events would be better. That's not to say I think people should stay in jobs necessarily if it's not working out, but if your children want to progress in their careers, they should be aware that people are not always going to be perfectly nice and resourceful to them.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 11:26

Respectful not resourceful!

DrenchedandDrained · 10/08/2022 12:55

I agree with @TheKeatingFive. I think if any of us could wave a magic wand and create a world where everyone spoke politely and respectfully to each other, where unfairness and inequality didn't exist we would. I try to model my own behaviour on the way I want other people to treat me. The reality is, however, that we will all encounter unpleasant people and situations throughout our lives and careers. History has shown us that from the dawn of time life can be cruel and unfair.

I personally think it is better to try and develop the skills and resilience to manage these situations - rather than to avoid them (or to shelter our children from them) at all costs

dianthus101 · 10/08/2022 13:12

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 11:22

There is “not being perfect” and actual abuse.

Yes. But no guarantee that abuse will never happen. You will note I didn't say it shouldn't have consequences, but your assertion that 'no one would dare' is a bit silly. Of course people might dare to speak less than politely to a junior employee.

It's a bit sad that you are glad about it because it has toughened you up.

You're mixing me up with another poster. I didn't say this.

If an employer screams at you it's time to complain to more senior management and if that's not possible drop the job.

Personally, I've had a client scream at me. I wasn't even junior at the time, I was director level. She was utterly in the wrong (she's a bone fide psychopath actually). However she is responsible for budgets of tens of millions, a hefty proportion of which she spent with my company. I learnt ways of dealing with her, because the alternative was letting some people in my team go, if we lost that account.

That's what I am teaching my children.

I think a system put in place to deal with such events would be better. That's not to say I think people should stay in jobs necessarily if it's not working out, but if your children want to progress in their careers, they should be aware that people are not always going to be perfectly nice and resourceful to them.

I didn't say “no one would dare”. You are mixing me up with another poster! I was talking about employers rather clients/customers so your point about a client screaming at you is not really relevant.

Itisasecret · 10/08/2022 13:15

The problem is, it’s the higher rate tax payers doing all the carpeting for everyone else whilst they have to slipper up.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 13:26

I was talking about employers rather clients/customers so your point about a client screaming at you is not really relevant.

Well I've had hairy encounters with bosses too if that's any consolation. Employees do fuck up and when people are under stress they don't always handle that well.

I'm not sure why you'd think the client example is not relevant, whether its clients, bosses, colleagues, customers, service users, other stakeholders, there will be plenty of situations where you may have less than ideal, polite encounters with people as an employee. Best to be equipped to deal with them, no matter who it is.

Nothappyatwork · 10/08/2022 13:44

What a load of absolute nonsense I’ve genuinely never read anything like it in my life, if senior manager or director screamed at me theyd be quite lucky not to get a mouthful back and quite firmly where they could stick their account. I really wish people stop pandering to this nonsense there is no account in the world that is worth suffering such disrespectful and I can absolutely assure you that that person who was screaming needed you more than you needed them otherwise they wouldn’t be behaving so despicably.

It’s a defence mechanism in the face of stress and therefore at that point they’ve lost all control and I hold all the cards.

if you’re teaching your children to cower and pander to such behaviour, your children are going to ignore you and lose a little bit of respect for you because this generation have got more balls.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 13:49

I can absolutely assure you that that person who was screaming needed you more than you needed them otherwise they wouldn’t be behaving so despicably.

Lol no not at all. Again, very naive. In my client example, she could have taken her business elsewhere in a heartbeat, then we would have lost an account worth quite a few million.

People do not always behave well under pressure. No one is saying that's fine, but it is the way of the world. It isn't always going to be possible to tell those people to sling their hook without consequences.

Nothappyatwork · 10/08/2022 13:56

It’s not naive at all I would tell them to shove a couple of million up their arse quite happily because frankly I’ve got more self-respect.

once people treat you like that the first time and you allow it you set the precedent so it’s not a case of they sometimes behave like that under pressure it’s a case of that is how they will treat you on every occasion that things don’t quite go as they expect you’ve just become their whipping boy. Eventually a client like that will drop you anyway and move on to an organisation who they feel is more aligned with their values i.e. doesn’t bend over and take it up the arse.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 13:57

It’s not naive at all I would tell them to shove a couple of million up their arse quite happily because frankly I’ve got more self-respect.

And what about the team members we would have had to make redundant because we no longer had that account?

That's the reality.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 13:58

We still have the client btw. We have developed ways of dealing with her.

Nothappyatwork · 10/08/2022 14:07

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 13:58

We still have the client btw. We have developed ways of dealing with her.

You shouldn’t have it

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 14:08

You shouldn’t have it

Well I doubt the people we would have had to let go would agree with you there.

Newrumpus · 10/08/2022 14:16

Janedoe82 · 07/08/2022 12:30

Haven’t read all the posts but she needs to get a flipping job! I did an ‘intensive’ course and currently doing an MBA whilst working 45 hours a week and with kids. Can’t be arsed with all this nonsense about kids of 18/19 not being able to work part time whilst at uni.

Some universities don’t allow undergraduates to work part-time during term.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 14:18

Some universities don’t allow undergraduates to work part-time during term.

Thats really unfair, unless they've lots of generous hardship funds.

neverbeenskiing · 10/08/2022 14:28

Some universities don’t allow undergraduates to work part-time during term.

Which universities are these? Surely they are leaving themselves open to allegations of discrimination as this could be seen as an attempt to deter students from lower income households from applying.

dianthus101 · 10/08/2022 14:55

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 13:26

I was talking about employers rather clients/customers so your point about a client screaming at you is not really relevant.

Well I've had hairy encounters with bosses too if that's any consolation. Employees do fuck up and when people are under stress they don't always handle that well.

I'm not sure why you'd think the client example is not relevant, whether its clients, bosses, colleagues, customers, service users, other stakeholders, there will be plenty of situations where you may have less than ideal, polite encounters with people as an employee. Best to be equipped to deal with them, no matter who it is.

It is not relevant because you can't report a client/customer to HR or senior management and it wouldn't be worth leaving the job for if I didn't have to see them again either.
If bosses scream at you too and you put up with it, I don't think it demonstrates that you "can handle" bad behaviour and it is a bit sad that you think that.

boys3 · 10/08/2022 14:59

surely that is just Oxford and Cambridge

SHOCK MN NEWS MORE THAN TWO UNIVERSITIES IN UK!!!!!
MNers react in disbelief and astonishment at the news that Oxford and Cambridge are not the only universities in the country. Sources suggest that there may be as many as 22 other institutions acceptable to MNers' offsprings.

which are probably at the cheaper end of places to study at.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 15:39

If bosses scream at you too and you put up with it, I don't think it demonstrates that you "can handle" bad behaviour

I agree that immediate line managers should have your back. The greyer area is working with other senior directors who you might not have the same relationship with.

I'm not saying screaming is fine, but those people, when under pressure, may not always be 100% polite and while guidelines should be adhered to, I doubt HR is particularly interested if a senior account director, with many contacts under their direction, is a bit short with a junior.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 15:43

it wouldn't be worth leaving the job for if I didn't have to see them again either.

Depending on the sector, plenty of clients/customers/stakeholders would be more than single encounters.

Nothappyatwork · 10/08/2022 15:47

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 15:39

If bosses scream at you too and you put up with it, I don't think it demonstrates that you "can handle" bad behaviour

I agree that immediate line managers should have your back. The greyer area is working with other senior directors who you might not have the same relationship with.

I'm not saying screaming is fine, but those people, when under pressure, may not always be 100% polite and while guidelines should be adhered to, I doubt HR is particularly interested if a senior account director, with many contacts under their direction, is a bit short with a junior.

A bit Short is very different from screaming in the face isn’t it ? so let’s just stick to one narrative or the other because the HR director would be very interested in the former in most credible organisations stop trying to downplay and minimise abusive behaviour. If you’re training your daughter to put up with this in the workplace she will put up with it at home as well and then you have to deal with the consequences of that a later date.

PolarBearLookoutGuard · 10/08/2022 15:52

A lot of people forget that HR's job is to protect the company not the employee. I always lol at people advising folk to report everything to HR. HR look after their paymaster first and foremost.

TheKeatingFive · 10/08/2022 15:55

A bit Short is very different from screaming in the face isn’t it ?

Yes, but it is all subjective. I've seen young employees extremely affronted at negative feedback, delivered very calmly, everyone's tolerance is very different and it is hard for HR policies to accurately reflect that.

If you’re training your daughter to put up with this in the workplace she will put up with it at home

What I said was that young employees should have strategies for dealing with these situations because no, not everyone in life is going to be lovely to them. Taking that to 'you're training them to put up with domestic abuse' is a ridiculous leap.