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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if this is usual for a wedding?

126 replies

AspireMe · 06/08/2022 21:18

To seat guests at tables depending on the quality of wedding gifts (higher/more wanted the gift, the better the table) and divide into Gold, Silver and Bronze statuses? (Without telling the guests, obviously).

OP posts:
HappilyHadesBound · 06/08/2022 22:52

How would this work? Everyone has to queue up after the ceremony to have their presents opened and then get allocated a seat?

Jeez, I'm glad I don't go to many weddings!

wildthingsinthenight · 06/08/2022 22:53

Yeh ok....🙄

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/08/2022 22:55

Wouldnt surprise me these days, although I suspect that it is imported from the US as gifts are usually sent in advance of the wedding over there. Its how it used to be over here where there would be a display of the gifts before the wedding.

Its the fact that anyone would think that its a good idea that makes me think it's hairy handed. That and the person writing clearly has no idea how long it takes to make a table plan for a wedding or arrange the catering so that Our Debbie doesnt sit on the same table as Our Dave cos of that row that happened when their Mum's dog died 30 years ago at the same time as making sure Our Dave's wife gets the vegan gluten free option because dairy and wheat give her the shits and Our Debbie's new partner RSVP'd with "DONT LIKE CHICKEN FISH BEEF OR ANY VEG"

DuesToTheDirt · 06/08/2022 23:03

ClinkeyMonkey · 06/08/2022 21:42

I seated my guests according to how attractive they were. The guests who were easy on the eye sat close to the top table and all the ugly bastards were in a dark, distant corner.

😂

Viviennemary · 06/08/2022 23:03

This is absolutely unheard of AFAIK

Stravaig · 06/08/2022 23:14

I'm not a fan of most wedding idiocies, so if I could submit a present of eggcups and teaspoons, and be judged to only deserve the service, with no drinks, meal, speeches, cake or party, I'd be in heaven!

TugboatAnnie · 06/08/2022 23:26

Third bizarre thread tonight started around 9.15. Are we being invaded?

taracooper · 06/08/2022 23:33

its definitely not usual i’ll tell you that, it just sounds confusing and pointless. i recommend you seat people with people who they get on with

NortieTortie · 06/08/2022 23:47

Trashy af

Bananalanacake · 06/08/2022 23:59

Wish I was invited to weddings like this.

OzziePopPop · 07/08/2022 00:08

ChateauMargaux · 06/08/2022 22:11

Presents won't be given until the day itself and not usually opened until later.. so no one would have this information in time for seating arrangements.

Exactly this, the idea is impossible so it’s all bollocks basically!

Upwiththelark76 · 07/08/2022 00:10

What a load of bollocks . Puts
me off ever going to a wedding again . Yak

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 07/08/2022 00:14

Ex-H asked in all seriousness if we should put the 2 vegetarians on a separate table... I thought that was weird enough
How would you categorise the vintage fron year of birth champagne bought on the day?? Is there a pleb table for those who go off-giftlist/leave it to the last minute??

Livinginanotherworld · 07/08/2022 00:16

ClinkeyMonkey · 06/08/2022 21:42

I seated my guests according to how attractive they were. The guests who were easy on the eye sat close to the top table and all the ugly bastards were in a dark, distant corner.

This is hilarious 😂

uis · 07/08/2022 00:39

Sounds like you want your guests to have a shit time by arbitrarily seating them based on gifts as opposed to who they know - are you an idiot?

Johnnysgirl · 07/08/2022 00:47

Aw, did you end up on Nickel table, op? Meanie.

Mississipi71 · 07/08/2022 00:51

Pathetic.

milkyaqua · 07/08/2022 00:52

I think if you are aiming for the title of grotesque narcissist of the year, this is a great plan!

Johnnysgirl · 07/08/2022 01:09

I didn't think it was a bad idea though, but when I relayed this to other people the reactions were mostly aghast, as they have been on here, so probably my question has been answered that it's not usual and that I shouldn't do similar if it came down to it if having my own.
No shit...

Georgeandzippyzoo · 07/08/2022 01:32

chocolatepudandchocolatesauce · 06/08/2022 21:23

How would you know what gift was given before the wedding?

Exactly!

illiterato · 07/08/2022 01:49

Well technically if you have a wedding registry you do know ahead of the wedding what people got you but obviously some people might go off list so you risk putting the person you bought the classic Ferrari on Table 19. Tricky.

Diverseopinions · 07/08/2022 01:50

I guess, in a truly bridezilla scenario, questions would have been asked by mother/ mother-in-law and value and style of the gift ( money or item) would have been illicited in advance.

It seems clear, that, in recent years, guests are seen as necessary players at the feast, who are essentially expected to be paying for their own portion of the event, via their gift. It's like a balancing act: plenty guests can bring in super-dooper cash injections, but too many who don't pay up well, bounce an annuated bill on the happy couple. This is where you get the mind-boggling posts on MN e.g, by one poster saying she got a thank you letter from a junior work colleague suggesting she might like to supplement the sum of cash in the envelope, as it didn't quite do justice to the calibre of the experience.

One way of playing off the balancing act needed, is to have all the guests at the wedding - rather than binning some off, into the evening disco - but give them an evening-do size budget for their grub, to reflect the fact that they didn't 'buy' the full experience.

The only conclusion I can come to is that if we are even talking about whether the gold, silver, bronze idea can be good, weddings in 2022 are just horrendous! Anything would be better than all this stretching to something you can barely afford and then coyly expecting all the guests to cover the cost for the privilege of getting a few memories - like they really care about 'your' nuptial. Commitment Curry, eloping with two witnesses - anything sounds preferable to modern marriage.

NeedToLeaveNow · 07/08/2022 01:57

So you thought it would be a good idea?
How?
Was you planning on people giving you the gifts before your wedding?
And what is the difference between the tables, What would the Gold table get that the Bronze table wouldn't???

You honestly thought this was a good idea?
Please explain OP

needthezzzzz · 07/08/2022 02:36

I think it's a terrible and crude idea. But I also don't know how they'd know the gifts they're getting until after the wedding?

starfishmummy · 07/08/2022 02:56

HerRoyalNotness · 06/08/2022 21:30

Are you in the US? I think it is common there to receive the gift before the wedding day.

It used to be done like that here as well. And the gifts would be put on display at the brides parents house in the lead up to the wedding.