‘We knew you would be’

[Wealreadyknew]

Whenever I tell one of my friends happy news, this is what she says. Like her and the rest of my friends have been speculating together about when it would happen.

eg I’m engaged - ‘We knew you would be! We actually all thought he’d propose in XX (last holiday)

or recently I told her I was pregnant and she said ‘We knew it!’

AIBU to find this a bit annoying? And why would say not just say congratulations etc? Even if I don’t know someone very well, I still know to act excited for them about their happy news!

Why does it annoy you?

I'm not sure why it annoys you.

It could be interpreted like...we knew you would because you're a great couple.

I can’t imagine why that would be annoying. Most people follow the predictable pattern of engagement/marriage/children so it’s not surprising at all when people say they expected it

If you say
"I got some really irritating friends" perhaps she'll reply
"We know we are"
🤔

@Ontomatopea I don’t like the idea of my friends speculating behind my back - TTC took longer than I’d hoped. I kept it private but I find it upsetting that people might have been wondering why I wasn’t pregnant yet and when it would happen.

The engagement comment was the same - mentioning they’d thought he was going to propose before he did.

I just don’t understand the reaction, instead of just a normal ‘congratulations’.

Exactly. Other wise it's like OMG YOU GOT ENGAGED?! What a surprise! And it's either 1. Really fake or 2. Genuinely a surprise as you make a terrible couple.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I know they do - I don’t think I’m doing anything groundbreaking.

I think you’re being massively over sensitive. People in private speculating if their friend is getting engaged soon os not ‘talking behind your back’. We all do it.

Aahh I see. So it's the "we" that's bugging you here? Like they've been gossiping. In that case yes I agree it's annoying. Especially when like you say you are ttc. At least they didn't ask you to your face I guess.

just say ‘I knew it’ then.

’we all thought he was going to propose on your last holiday (6 months ago and he didn’t) so why mention it?

So is "I thought you might be getting engaged soon" any better? As it doesn't have the speculation bit?

@Ontomatopea maybe. I probably am being sensitive because I have felt pressured with ttc that it was taking so long and I felt embarrassed (I know I shouldn’t)

Even when I have had friends who I assumed would be getting engaged soon, I still have always been super excited for them and congratulated them and not just said ‘I knew you would’

It seems strange to me for that to be the first thing they say and I'm not sure why nobody else finds it a bit unusual.

You join in your friends excitement - don't minimise it by basically telling them it was obvious or isn't news.

OP do you usually share before the fact? For example did you tell them you were TTC?

Isn’t life hard enough without having to overthink the wording of congratulations you offer your friends?! To me saying “I knew it would happen” is like saying “you deserve this good news”

This makes no sense. How can you possibly be annoyed or offended over this?🤔

Do you really never talk about mutual friends with your friends? Sounds completely normal to me. I think this is your issue due to not falling pregnant as quickly as you wanted rather than a problem with your friends.

@mamabeeboo no I didn’t tell them.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet its just one friend. Perhaps knowing her personality is what makes me feel this way. As a pp said it feels like she’s minimising my news.

@Staynow of course I do - in fact, one friend we were sure would get engaged every holiday they went on for years - when they did I just acted happy and excited for her and obviously didn’t say ‘Finally. We’ve been expecting this’

Ah I actually think this is really annoying.

1. because it sounds like people have been gossiping / speculating about you. If they guess you’re pregnant is the alternative that you’ve just put weight on or had terrible skin for the last month? Well what if you weren’t pregnant, is it a nice thing for people to actively notice your changing body / mood / skin and comment on it?
2. because it centres THEM in your news, not being about you and your exciting news but being about how clever they are that they guessed it before you did, putting the focus back on them when you’re like “oh did you guess already how clever ha ha” type thing

its a small thing but even if you’re the size of a small house before announcing your pregnancy it’s really obvious the polite thing to say is “congratulations” not “oh I thought so!”

as an addendum to this, when I was pregnant a friend’s response was “so am I!!” Which I was mildly irked by as it then put the focus back on them and entirely missed any congrats my way. I realise how hormonally irrational that is but it’s just nice to focus on that person for the moment before moving on

Totally understand OP rhis happens me.
It wears you down. Maybe we are too sensitive but it seems mean spirited to me. Let me have my happy moment!
I would let you

This!!!

This.

Don’t tell her your news. When she complains you left her out, say ‘I assumed you already knew. You usually do.’

Everyone is so sensitive and insulted by every little perceived slight these days.

I get what you mean - of course everyone gossips, but it would be better not to mention it, especially any details about what they thought would happen but didn't. You could try a jokey "I know you all talk about me, but you're not supposed to tell me about it!" or something like that?

If it's just the quick comment and then they really are happy and celebrate with you, I'd try not to let it bother me. If they're really acting like "oh, so what if you're preganant? It's old hat, we've been predicting it for ages," then that's pretty shite.