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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘We knew you would be’

94 replies

Wealreadyknew · 06/08/2022 15:41

Whenever I tell one of my friends happy news, this is what she says. Like her and the rest of my friends have been speculating together about when it would happen.

eg I’m engaged - ‘We knew you would be! We actually all thought he’d propose in XX (last holiday)

or recently I told her I was pregnant and she said ‘We knew it!’

AIBU to find this a bit annoying? And why would say not just say congratulations etc? Even if I don’t know someone very well, I still know to act excited for them about their happy news!

OP posts:
Woodsparrow · 06/08/2022 17:08

I remember telling my SIL I was expecting and her reaction was "well its hardly a surprise is it I could have guessed" and while she said it in a jokey way it took the shine off a little. I get what you mean op

YukoandHiro · 06/08/2022 17:09

" I don’t like the idea of my friends speculating behind my back"

Ha ha OP, have you met other human beings? Of course people do this. It's not mean or bitchy, any conversation is probably with deep love and care. But it's always going to happen

IvorCutler · 06/08/2022 17:10

She obviously just feels she knows you well? Maybe she does and she’s a good friend? Can’t comprehend why it would irk you.

EleanorRavenclaw · 06/08/2022 17:13

I understand exactly what you are saying OP. It’s a level of passive aggressive one upmanship. I have friends like this I have just learned to rise above it. There are always people who think it’s clever to be the first to know everything, it’s not clever it’s a pain in the arse and exhausting!

Cucumberbund · 06/08/2022 17:17

I agree completely. It is so annoying. Why can't they just say ' that's wonderful, congratulations'? I have a friend I stopped sharing news with in person because while I was ttc every time we met up over 5 years she asked if I was pregnant because her mother is 'psychic' a horrible gossip. I never discussed ttc because I didn't want my struggles and upset to be more fuel for gossip. When I finally told her I was pregnant the reply was 'I knew you were, my mum said it' not even congratulations. I just said ' really she's been saying that for the past 5 year's' but actually I was really hurt and felt like just going home. It just takes the wind out of your sails and leaves you irritated when you should be celebrating.

unwashedanddazed · 06/08/2022 17:22

I get really irritated by people who say this sort of stuff. It gives the impression that they think they know you better than you know yourself. Like they've been waiting for you to catch up on the obvious. Helps them feel a little superior I think.

diddl · 06/08/2022 17:25

Ah I get you OP.

My MIL did this.

"Ooh I knew it!"

Wish I'd thought to ask her how she knew!

ivykaty44 · 06/08/2022 17:36

if this annoys you, then tell her you would really like it if she could congratulate you, it would be really nice instead of being a know it all, you value her friendship and want her to celebrate with you

colouringindoors · 06/08/2022 17:37

yanbu

it's pretty self absorbed of your friend

I think more typical is a "oh that's brilliant news, congratulations!"

Maytodecember · 06/08/2022 17:37

Perhaps it’s all she’s got? As in nothing else to say.

Chillow · 06/08/2022 17:48

I get it, OP. They’re taking away the elect of surprise and robbing you of that pleasure, especially as they keep doing it.

Is this friend slightly off with you in other ways?

Chillow · 06/08/2022 17:48

*element

MimiSunshine · 06/08/2022 17:51

I totally get it OP. It feels like a put down / minimising but in a very subtle way.

When I told one friend I was engaged her husband shouted down the phone, “about time”. Made me feel like he’d pissed on my chips but I brushed it off.
at the end of the phone call she said “congratulations again, I’m really happy for you. But yes, it’s about time.”

I came off the phone quite upset really and deflated. Not like I’d just shared happy news. I can guarantee she’ll not even remember it or see the issue.

viques · 06/08/2022 17:57

Would you rather your friends all threw up their hands in horror and said “Oh no, really? We were all hoping he was a passing fad, we all think you could do so much better than him.”

They clearly think you are well suited and are pleased that you have clicked with each other and made a commitment.

ColourMeExhausted · 06/08/2022 18:00

Got a friend who also does this. You're not alone in finding it annoying OP.

FirstAidKitNowPlease · 06/08/2022 18:02

I have a relative who does this about items of bad news. Which is frankly weird.

I never want to tell them anything anymore.

The relationship was never close so no idea where they got the ideas from.

petshihtzu · 06/08/2022 18:10

It is so annoying its like they're trying to outsmart you. I get it.

Cas112 · 06/08/2022 18:11

I don't get it

OliviaBond · 06/08/2022 18:12

No one likes a know it all

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2022 18:16

So op you've never said "aww Jess and Joss look really happy, I reckon they'll be engaged soon" or similar - said kindly and lovingly between friends? Or "ooh Jane keeps eyeing up babies whenever were in town, I reckon she'll be the next one pregnant?"
That's hardly running a book on the engagement date or discussing what position of sex they think you're using

Topseyt123 · 06/08/2022 18:16

Wouldn't bother me at all.

NotSoSlimShady8 · 06/08/2022 18:25

@FangsForTheMemory exactly how I would respond! 😂

Katypp · 06/08/2022 18:27

So basically OP, you feel they are stealing your moment in the limelight?
Do you have history of always wanting to be the centre of attention?

MimiSunshine · 06/08/2022 18:35

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2022 18:16

So op you've never said "aww Jess and Joss look really happy, I reckon they'll be engaged soon" or similar - said kindly and lovingly between friends? Or "ooh Jane keeps eyeing up babies whenever were in town, I reckon she'll be the next one pregnant?"
That's hardly running a book on the engagement date or discussing what position of sex they think you're using

That’s not remotely the same thing

NumberTheory · 06/08/2022 18:38

I sort of see your point that she makes the news more about the fact that they’ve been discussing it than the fact that it’s happened. If she doesn’t also congratulate you I think it’s a bit unreasonable of her.

But it doesn’t seem like something worth getting annoyed about. They have been speculating because they’re your friends and they want the good things to happen for you. Just as you’ve discussed other members of the group wondering when X life step is going to happen for them. Hoping it will because it’s exciting and something you believe she wants and she’s your friend. In some ways the “We knew it comment” could be a celebration of your friendship group, a way of saying - “We’ve been hoping for this for you for ages because we knew you wanted it, and we love you.”

So I think the getting annoyed is a bit of an over reaction and wonder, could you be grabbing on to it because you find her a bit annoying in other ways? So anything else she does that isn’t quite right irritates more than it probably ought to?