Buying a house with a “granny annex” and having DM move in

[cubicfeet]

Good idea?

YANBU - Yes
YABU - No

Experiences welcome :)

I’m thinking about selling up and buying a larger house with a detached granny annex. I own both my house and the house DM lives in, I lived there before moving to my current house.

DM is 60, independent and keeps herself to herself. Although she is struggling to keep up with the 3 bed house she is in as it has a large garden and she is not capable of keeping on top of it. She isn’t a rich lady and works a minimum wage job, no way could she afford a cleaner or Gardner.

It doesn’t seem a bad idea and I know she would be willing to but it’s a jump that’s not easily reversed.

Apologies to anyone I unwittingly offended. No, the DM in this case is not old. She is certainly younger than me, and I am still working, going to gigs etc and so are a lot of my contemporaries.

The point I was clumsily trying to make was that the issues here are basically the same as those experienced by people with properly elderly parents.

Is that better?

What does your DM think? Her living in a bungalow away from your main house, sited in several acres of land, doesn't sound like a terrible idea. It's very different from her being attached to your house and not dissimilar to living a few streets away from each other.

It makes sense.
One house with an annexe will be your PPR , and therefore tax free should you sell.
Currently you live in your PPR and would potentially have a capital gains tax bill on the sale of your second property.
As your Mum gets older it will be easier to help her and keep an eye on her if she is living nearby.
Future grandchildren would enjoy a close relationship living close.
If your DM stays fit and healthy she might choose to help Look after grandchildren or babysit occasionally.
Always someone home to take deliveries ,deal With tradesmen or repair work.
Security if you are out all day.
Care for pets whilst in holiday etc.

In 10s years time she might be super needy and might intervene with the kids all the time. And barge in all the time. And need physical help. My marriage wouldn't survive if my mil moved in...

If I read correctly I think your mums mum is still alive. How old is your Grandmother and who looks after her. How far away is she? Apologies if I misread.

@maddiemookins16mum thats lovely, my MIL is hoping to relocate near to us. I prefer her to my own Mother. Only issue I have is I really don’t want to live rurally again and most houses with annexes are rural.

Projecting much? Sorry if you have a bad relationship with your mum, but OP doesn't. Her mum is not elderly.

Not every older person needs their arse wiping and has a compulsion to interfere.

Your mum sounds bloody amazing and no wonder you want to look after her. You sound fab too. The apple hasn't fell far from the tree ❤

You make very good points.

Why clip her wings so young, when you could pay for the upkeep of the house you own in a modest way.

18 years ago we moved to a house that we could share with my parents. My dad was 86 and my mum was 73 - I was 36 and had one DS with my husband. We had intended to find somewhere that we could be together yet independent of each other, giving us and my parents space, but in the end bought a house that offered enough separation but was not two separate properties. My dad died 20 months later but my mum is still with us at 91. Last year, Mum had a fall which has severely hampered her independence and with that it has altered our lives too. She cannot be left alone for long - last time we were all out she fell and lay on the floor for two hours until we got back. We have all benefited enormously from having mum here with us but right now we are living a much more limited life because she is here. I have no idea whether this is the way things will be for years, whether she might die soon or deteriorate to a point where she needs greater care than we can or are willing to give. If you’d asked me two years ago I’d have unequivocally said it was a great idea but right now we are in a rather different place and facing into a far more challenging period. By all means go ahead but be prepared for the bad as well as the good.